Tony’s Christmas Gift

I can’t even recall exactly when first contact was made with Tony. I had several weeks of silence, which was good for me. Strangely perhaps, the subsequent contact didn’t pull me back in but instead, helped me move on.

It’s been a long journey to get to this point. Tony’s duplicity is no surprise, nor is his ability to obfuscate and avoid conversations that reveal too much truth. He’s an expert.

So I’m not in any way going to suggest surprise at any of those things.

But. Continue reading

stand up interracial sex in my kitchen

A good kitchen f*ck

We hadn’t seen each other since the night of the fantastic MFM threesome.

He has been relatively silent and when I inquired as to the reason for his absence, he attributed it to busy weekends with his daughter and a busier than normal work schedule.

He said that last time and then disappeared completely, so I was somewhat skeptical. The difference this time is although on the surface he’s a man I could actually date, we are clearly only fucking each other, so it’s no issue for me to send a text here and there. I’m okay being an equal partner in moving things forward, when the result is getting laid by Lewis. Continue reading

Friends and relations.

I’ve been reading the Winnie the Pooh stories to my son Liam. He’s enjoyed them even though he thought they were for younger children. One of my favorite phrases (lost on the child, no doubt), is when Milne refers to Rabbit’s “friends and relations”, who are often present.

Tony coming back into my life has got me thinking (no shit, many of you will say) about my life and what I need in it. Tony and Fox couldn’t be more different men. I had all the lovely things with Fox and it felt wonderful. It was nice to be treated so well and have no doubt about how a man felt about me. It was intoxicating to think about having someone in my life as a partner and lover – someone who wanted to fully integrate into my world. Continue reading

Summer to-do list update | Week 9 Update (Aug 13)

I fell off the wagon with updates, and with progress. Such is life. Mental progress was made about Tony; perhaps that should have been my #1 goal instead of weight loss, because that’s been a pretty big one.


Lose at least 10 lbs. My real goal is 18 but at the very least I want to fit into a particular suit and dress, and I know 2 lbs a week every week is not going to happen.

NOPE NOPE NOPE | Perhaps I should modify this goal. I haven’t really tried other than increasing my physical activity. I’ve been good on vacation; every day Liam and I have played tennis, or frisbee, or catch. I was determined to move my body and I’ve done that.

But there’s been no weight loss.  Continue reading

Summer to-do list update | Week 5 Update (July 16)

Here’s my update as of Thursday July 16.


Lose at least 10 lbs. My real goal is 18 but at the very least I want to fit into a particular suit and dress, and I know 2 lbs a week every week is not going to happen.

NOPE NOPE NOPE | nothing new to report other than I wonder whether being sleep deprived makes a difference. I’m sure Will Carrier can tell me. Will?

Continue reading

Summer to-do list update | Week 4 Update (July 9)

Here’s my update as of Thursday July 9.


Lose at least 10 lbs. My real goal is 18 but at the very least I want to fit into a particular suit and dress, and I know 2 lbs a week every week is not going to happen.

CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE. NOW YOU KNOW WHY IT’S #1 | I’m stable and clinging to the reality at least I’m not gaining weight. Ha ha. I feel better, but I’m not losing anything.

Continue reading

Summer to-do list update | Week 3 Update (July 3)

Here’s my update as of today, Thursday July 3. I’m not pleased with my progress. Seems clear in reading these which areas I excel at procrastination!


Lose at least 10 lbs. My real goal is 18 but at the very least I want to fit into a particular suit and dress, and I know 2 lbs a week every week is not going to happen.

CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE. NOW YOU KNOW WHY IT’S #1 | I haven’t lost any weight, as far as I can tell. I’m doing alright with keeping my food intake at a good level, and not drinking as much alcohol. BUT I still have not gotten into the gym (see below). I know, I know.

Sell the pile of Liam’s clothes that have been sitting in my office for months.

DONE!! | I spent many hours this afternoon sorting, photographing, and listing the stuff. Craigslist and eBay are my friends.  Some of the stuff I decided to just donate to charity (which is what I usually do). I decided I will keep the listings up for two weeks and whatever doesn’t sell is going to friends or charity. Enough is enough. Continue reading

Summer to-do list update | Week 2 Update (June 25)

I’m going to update this weekly to help keep myself on track. Knowing I have to report back is helping me knock this stuff off the list. This is as of Thursday June 25. Yes, I know it’s already the following Monday…but I got a little distracted and forgot to post this.


Lose at least 10 lbs. My real goal is 18 but at the very least I want to fit into a particular suit and dress, and I know 2 lbs a week every week is not going to happen.

UMMM… | Have to say I failed this one, 100%. My weekend away with Hy was filled with copious amounts of alcohol and food. Not low-cal. Didn’t even get my trainers out of my suitcase.  And I have another weekend away coming up.

Now, to be fair – I did really well with food since I came back. And alcohol only the one date night.

Sell the pile of Liam’s clothes that have been sitting in my office for months.

Not yet. Continue reading

Kissing in the rain | Another first date story (part 2)

[Part One]

Coming out of the bathroom and picking up my phone, I’m saying to myself “PLEASE HAVE TEXTED ME” and “ANN DON’T GET LIKE THIS” at the exact same time. I unlock my phone and I see he’s sent me a text:

rain 1

I do a little dance around my bedroom. I practically squeal “OMG HE’S NOT A BAD TEXTER!!” Continue reading

Summer to-do list update | Week 1 Update (June 18)

I’m going to update this weekly to help keep myself on track. Knowing I have to report back is helping me knock this stuff off the list. This is as of Thursday June 18.


Lose at least 10 lbs. My real goal is 18 but at the very least I want to fit into a particular suit and dress, and I know 2 lbs a week every week is not going to happen.

UMMM… | This one is going to be hard. The most difficult out of all of these to-do’s, actually. I did really well during the week last week for breakfasts and lunches, and didn’t have any alcohol. But this week I haven’t had Liam and have been out the last three nights. I’ve mostly made better food choices and not much to drink…so it’s getting there.

But ultimately the path is food and exercise. So with a total gym fail and no bike yet, I can’t really claim any progress. Continue reading