When the inevitable happens.

My last two months has been unusual. A broken leg, being in a cast, mostly house-bound is not what I’m used to.

Before Leo came to see me in the hospital, I hadn’t seen him for six weeks. We’d had three dates and then things went quiet as I dealt with the realization I hadn’t fully detached from Tony. I was crazy busy with work.

I needed some emotional and physical space.

Since my injury, while friends have been visiting, my child has been with me every other week, and I’ve been working at home, my life isn’t the same. It occurred to me, perhaps my situation is heightening my feelings for Leo.  Continue reading

I’m conflicted between calm and needing excitement.

The hot: Our last (and second) overnight date saw Leo continue our fisting adventure, this time adding double penetration with his hands and the Hitachi, for long enough at times I almost saw stars.

I could kiss him for hours.

The sweet: Every time he woke up that night, he wrapped me in his arms. He would nuzzle the back of my neck. He gives me bear hugs and tells me how good I feel.

He sends sweet memes.

The work-in-progress: He’s working on his weight loss. A good start, but a long way to go. It’s had an impact on his – ahem – ability to perform. It’s clearly not a deal-breaker for me at this point. Continue reading

i quit online dating

I didn’t even last a week online dating.

It has been over a month after the final blowout with He Who Shall Not be Named. While I feel different and very tentative about dating, earlier this week I thought why not just open up my dating profiles again and see what happens.

The last time, I met someone who seemed awesome pretty quickly. Given my dating rules, online dating doesn’t take up much time or energy. It’s pretty low stress. I know we had debates here whether I was ready, but it wasn’t a big deal to me.

Continue reading

Crying and squirting in the same night: my fluid loss. 

When I wrote my last post, the one about Shenanigans, I was sitting at my kitchen island, crying, having a personal pity party. I had come home from time with a work colleague who is turning into a friend. She had taken me out for dinner and we’d had cocktails, shared a bottle of wine, and ate what she called “obviously we aren’t trying to pick up” food because it was deep fried and plenteous. It had been a fun night.

I was fine when I was out, surrounded by people. But home alone in a quiet house, the noise in my head telling me how much I missed Tony was impossible to block out.

I didn’t need any more alcohol. It was too early for me to go to bed. I was filling my time writing my post and discussing Tony and Mr. Tinder via text. I hadn’t heard from Tinder since I sent a thank you note after our date the night before. He had asked me what I was doing this night and said he would come over after our respective engagements, to f*ck me.  Continue reading

Real friends share their Tinder matches.

Madeline (aka The Woman Invisible) and I are friends. We met through our blogs, have met in person, text regularly, and talk on the phone in times of need.

But you know how to really know when a straight same-sex friend is a true friend? When they pass off a Tinder match to you. On a recent Tinder binge, she was matched with a very hot guy who was visiting her city. She didn’t know he wasn’t from there at first. She didn’t end up hooking up with him, because they couldn’t quite make it work. Not for lack of trying.

Turns out, he lives in my city. Continue reading

A day in my online dating life

I know I tend to write about the guys who reach out and just want to fuck, or who write crazy stuff in an attempt to get my attention, or who end up just wanting sex.

But that’s actually not the majority of messages I get on dating sites. I just don’t write about them, because they are rather boring. Either the profiles or the messages are just – no. There are lots of guys out there but most just aren’t for me.

When I shut down my profiles a few weeks ago, I saved a few of the interactions with the sole intent of writing this post. Here are some examples of the dull and the not-for-me. Try not to fall asleep! Continue reading

A round up of the horses in the stable

A reader commented on a post recently that there were men in my life who were better for me than the Dog Trainer. I had to stop and think about who the heck those might be.

There hasn’t been much action on the “other guy” front lately but I suppose they are skulking around. Figured I would do a round up of those in the stable, but some have gotten loose.

The Comedian is in touch every few days. We had a nice lunch on a workday a month ago, which he initiated. I know he wants to see me again but he’s been rehearsing in a different city. Our schedules are not that compatible. But he’s not written off yet. I was hoping he would come to the house party (which I subsequently cancelled) but he was away. Turns out my much younger half-brother is a huge fan of his. He would have been smitten and I know it would have been good for the comedian’s ego.

The Lawyer is still around as well, somewhat. For a while we were texting pretty regularly. He would get frustrated because I wasn’t free when he was. Shortly after I’d met Andrew, the Lawyer and I made plans for him to come by one night after my son fell asleep. However his trial ended early and he wanted to come by at 6pm which obviously wasn’t a great time.

He went silent after that and I gave him his space. A few weeks ago I texted him to say hello and he said “crazy busy baby. Told ya. Sometimes I just don’t feel like answering or can’t. Muah. I’ll keep trying you when I’m free and ur never available. But will keep trying.”

Then he reached out to me last week. Told him I was sick. Then when I decided to not to to the gang bang night I texted him to say I was free, but that if he was no longer interested I understood. I did not expect the mini shit storm he unleashed:

“Dude. I messaged you. Enough with the drama. I’m in trial. Enough with the not interested stuff. Enough already.”

It went on from there. I stared at my phone and after the FetLife guy thinking I was too cynical the day before, it gave me pause. Perhaps I need to be even more careful about what I say. I wanted to give the Lawyer an easy out in case he had moved on. I figured he had. After all, it’s been a while.

I was trying to save myself from a bit of pain. But instead, it came across as drama.

I told him I was crystal clear and he wouldn’t hear that from me again. He said he would see whether it would work later that night; that he had a late conference meeting. Then we talked a little bit about his trial, which is lasting more than a month.

I didn’t hear from him until 11:30pm that night so it was just too late. I guess he is interested, just crazy busy. When my schedule frees up in December when Will is back and has our son, the Lawyer is away on vacation. Such is life.

Dan, I truly cannot figure out. Part of me thinks for sure he’s got a girlfriend, the other thinks he’s just a busy recluse. I admit to pursuing him a bit via text message. After we had our night together, I sent him a text every other day or so, then waited a week, then texted him again. Got a response, and then later he spontaneously phoned me. We had a fun chat and he told me he had found someone to fix my car but it would take a while before this guy was ready.

After that, he proactively texted me to see how I was feeling. But I was getting frustrated with the inconsistency. I said, point blank “Do you want to see me again and if so are you going to ask?”

Now. I KNOW that there is really only one answer to the question. It was dumb to ask. He said, simply, “of course”. I told him I was free on Friday, he said he would check his schedule, and as of now it’s radio silence.

He doesn’t strike me as someone who is a player with lots of women around. But he’s definitely not so into me he needs to talk to me every day!! So, like the others, it is what it is. I know the moment I figure he’s gone for good, I will get a text or a phone call. I suppose I should go ahead and find someone else to fix my car.

Finally, there is Hot Actor. Unlike Dan, I’m pretty sure he is navigating several women. Originally he was the one who gave me his number (again) and suggested we get together. Then I told him I got sick and our plans to see each other on a Saturday morning were foiled.

He texts me every morning and we chat briefly. He called me to talk one day that I was at home.

One morning he sent his “good morning” text. I responded, then he sent another “good morning” text. I said “you already said that :P” and his response was that he was talking and texting. Hmm. The thing that went through my mind was actually that he was probably sending his good morning texts to all the women in his phone.

Am I wrong? Too cynical? I suppose.

I told him I was free on Friday night and he said he didn’t know his schedule yet (this was in the same couple of hour period that I had the same conversation with the Cynic Hater).

I said I was free the next night (Tuesday). Tuesday morning we had this exchange:

  • Him: Good morning! How much time do you have tonight?
  • Me: I’m free at 5 ish and would want to be home by 10 so I can get a good sleep.
  • Him: Ok. Let’s leave it to another night so you can regain your strength.
  • Me: I am okay but why doesn’t that work – too early?
  • Him: Just a little.
  • Me: What would work for you?
  • Him: We can leave it for another night when you have time. No worries.
  • Me: Okay. I had a babysitter for tonight so didn’t want it to go to waste. But no problem. Can you let me know what might normally work for you so I know for next time?

Radio. Silence.

My gut tells me he’s got others (which is fine, it’s not like I don’t), but then simultaneously I worry I’m being too cynical. I will just let him come to me at this point.

I would really like a date with a man on Friday night. I’m not sure I will be up for it since I have a big work event on Thursday, but COME ON. Why is this so difficult?

Worst case I could go to that swingers club, since a couple (!) has asked if I would be there on Friday. Hmm. I’ve always liked Unicorns, perhaps I should just be one (and if you don’t know that reference, I’m sorry).

There are two men I’m chatting with on FetLife who are good distractions, but neither are looking for anything more than a casual sexual relationship. However one seems to have many characteristics I’m looking for. We may meet for coffee or a drink after work one night. I’m absolutely NOT going to have a first meeting of any other sort.

I am also going solo to a work event next week. It’s hosted by one of my two bosses and has all of my peers in our division as well. It’s a great night at his house and followed by dinner at one of the top restaurants in the city. I asked a gay male friend from high school but he’s not free.

This is one of the first times I’ve really felt weird not having a date. Anyone interested?

And when I am allowed to reach out to Andrew again? It’s been approximately 10 days. Twice recently I have opened my BBM app and then closed it again. I suppose if I never reach out, he never will, and then I really do have my answer about how much he liked me. I don’t think that’s an answer I want to have.

Oh, Man on Tinder, thanks for the LOL.

As I mentioned in a recent post, I’m not on the dating sites right now. My profiles are still down, but I never bothered to delete my Tinder account. I just haven’t been logging on or swiping in any direction, and there has been silence from the men I had matched with when I was on.

Until today. I got a “1 new message from Sasha” notice on my phone. Um, okay. I had no idea who Sasha is but I went in to look, and found this: Continue reading

He didn’t even take his tie off…

Despite my complaining about Tinder, I did meet one man from the site.

I like muscles. Broad shoulders. Tall and broad with muscles, like my former lover Naked Ironing Man, I’m putty. Johnny’s ass and legs were still the best yet. Sigh.

Move along, brain…

This Tinder match was 6’3″, handsome, and fit the muscular criteria. He had the annoying working-out-in-the-gym selfie, but none of us are perfect. I read his profile and it seemed intelligent. It mentioned work and travel and extracurriculars. I swiped right. Continue reading

He didn't even take his tie off…

Despite my complaining about Tinder, I did meet one man from the site.

I like muscles. Broad shoulders. Tall and broad with muscles, like my former lover Naked Ironing Man, I’m putty. Johnny’s ass and legs were still the best yet. Sigh.

Move along, brain…

This Tinder match was 6’3″, handsome, and fit the muscular criteria. He had the annoying working-out-in-the-gym selfie, but none of us are perfect. I read his profile and it seemed intelligent. It mentioned work and travel and extracurriculars. I swiped right. Continue reading