When the inevitable happens.

My last two months has been unusual. A broken leg, being in a cast, mostly house-bound is not what I’m used to.

Before Leo came to see me in the hospital, I hadn’t seen him for six weeks. We’d had three dates and then things went quiet as I dealt with the realization I hadn’t fully detached from Tony. I was crazy busy with work.

I needed some emotional and physical space.

Since my injury, while friends have been visiting, my child has been with me every other week, and I’ve been working at home, my life isn’t the same. It occurred to me, perhaps my situation is heightening my feelings for Leo.  Continue reading

I’m conflicted between calm and needing excitement.

The hot: Our last (and second) overnight date saw Leo continue our fisting adventure, this time adding double penetration with his hands and the Hitachi, for long enough at times I almost saw stars.

I could kiss him for hours.

The sweet: Every time he woke up that night, he wrapped me in his arms. He would nuzzle the back of my neck. He gives me bear hugs and tells me how good I feel.

He sends sweet memes.

The work-in-progress: He’s working on his weight loss. A good start, but a long way to go. It’s had an impact on his – ahem – ability to perform. It’s clearly not a deal-breaker for me at this point. Continue reading

i quit online dating

I didn’t even last a week online dating.

It has been over a month after the final blowout with He Who Shall Not be Named. While I feel different and very tentative about dating, earlier this week I thought why not just open up my dating profiles again and see what happens.

The last time, I met someone who seemed awesome pretty quickly. Given my dating rules, online dating doesn’t take up much time or energy. It’s pretty low stress. I know we had debates here whether I was ready, but it wasn’t a big deal to me.

Continue reading

A fantastic two-date day | Mr. Fox & #14

Mr Fox and I had a great first coffee date and we both wanted more. Our text conversation continued and the next thing I knew he was booking lunch for the two of us the following day. He picked a restaurant near my office and made the reservation and just made it happen.

I liked that.

I wore a short black puffy skirt and a light blue leather jacket, with three inch heels. Given he’s 6’4″ I can wear those heels and still look up to him. It’s nice, actually. There are days when I feel great and know I can strut my stuff and that day was one of those days.

We met at a sky high restaurant in a fancy hotel. Ever the gentleman, he held doors open, waited until I was seated, and made sure I was comfortable. I had meetings in the afternoon otherwise would have loved a glass of wine.  Continue reading

A fantastic two-date day | Mr. Fox & #14

Mr Fox and I had a great first coffee date and we both wanted more. Our text conversation continued and the next thing I knew he was booking lunch for the two of us the following day. He picked a restaurant near my office and made the reservation and just made it happen.

I liked that.

I wore a short black puffy skirt and a light blue leather jacket, with three inch heels. Given he’s 6’4″ I can wear those heels and still look up to him. It’s nice, actually. There are days when I feel great and know I can strut my stuff and that day was one of those days.

We met at a sky high restaurant in a fancy hotel. Ever the gentleman, he held doors open, waited until I was seated, and made sure I was comfortable. I had meetings in the afternoon otherwise would have loved a glass of wine.  Continue reading

Kissing in the rain | Another first date story (part 2)

[Part One]

Coming out of the bathroom and picking up my phone, I’m saying to myself “PLEASE HAVE TEXTED ME” and “ANN DON’T GET LIKE THIS” at the exact same time. I unlock my phone and I see he’s sent me a text:

rain 1

I do a little dance around my bedroom. I practically squeal “OMG HE’S NOT A BAD TEXTER!!” Continue reading

Crying and squirting in the same night: my fluid loss. 

When I wrote my last post, the one about Shenanigans, I was sitting at my kitchen island, crying, having a personal pity party. I had come home from time with a work colleague who is turning into a friend. She had taken me out for dinner and we’d had cocktails, shared a bottle of wine, and ate what she called “obviously we aren’t trying to pick up” food because it was deep fried and plenteous. It had been a fun night.

I was fine when I was out, surrounded by people. But home alone in a quiet house, the noise in my head telling me how much I missed Tony was impossible to block out.

I didn’t need any more alcohol. It was too early for me to go to bed. I was filling my time writing my post and discussing Tony and Mr. Tinder via text. I hadn’t heard from Tinder since I sent a thank you note after our date the night before. He had asked me what I was doing this night and said he would come over after our respective engagements, to f*ck me.  Continue reading

Real friends share their Tinder matches.

Madeline (aka The Woman Invisible) and I are friends. We met through our blogs, have met in person, text regularly, and talk on the phone in times of need.

But you know how to really know when a straight same-sex friend is a true friend? When they pass off a Tinder match to you. On a recent Tinder binge, she was matched with a very hot guy who was visiting her city. She didn’t know he wasn’t from there at first. She didn’t end up hooking up with him, because they couldn’t quite make it work. Not for lack of trying.

Turns out, he lives in my city. Continue reading

Reporting in on Day 3

On what would have been my 12th wedding anniversary, I decided to practice letting go of desire. Not for sex, people, that would be crazy!

I have very large post it notes with “LET GO” in big red block letters posted on my bathroom mirror, and beside my bed – and I may also put one up at work. They help.

I’ve likened this process to how my yoga instructor used to assist in my meditation. I was supposed to focus on my breathing, and if I found my mind wandering to other thoughts, I needed to recognize what I was doing, tell myself to put that thought away for the moment, and get back to my focus. Continue reading

I've made a decision: I'm letting go.

I’m sitting in my living room, which I slightly restructured yesterday morning. Listening to 60s music on vinyl. Drinking a coffee.

I’m alone on Mother’s Day morning. My bed was empty except for me. Liam is having brunch with his Dad and Colleen this morning. I’m not seeing him until later today. And today would have been my 12th wedding anniversary.

Seeing the positives is a wee challenge in this particular moment. But I have a latte, good music, a carpet now free of the red-wine stains from a party weeks ago, my french doors are open, and the birds are singing.

It’s perhaps been a month of waffling about what to do about Tony. I’m done waffling. Continue reading