As I wrapped up my blog post, my phone pinged with Kyle’s ring tone – he said “be there in 10 minutes”. Geez, really?
I decided to not change out of my pyjamas, I didn’t want to make any more effort.
He knocked on my door about 20 minutes later – 90 minutes after he was supposed to show up – and I said “hey sorry for being in my pyjamas but I figured you weren’t showing up when I didn’t hear from you.” Continue reading →
I’d had a lot of time over the last few months to try to figure out, without overanalyzing, what the fuck Kyle’s deal was. I didn’t doubt his interest in me – he had the intention to see me / date me – however in practice it completely fell down.
Bottom line, dating me was not a priority. I would have bet he wasn’t dating others, so I didn’t get the sense he had other women that came first. Of course, being the last wife in the harem holds no appeal to me. It was harder to accept that even if I was the only one he was interested in, his behavior was still uncool. Continue reading →
I think this might be a record for slowest relationship start – scratch that, since I don’t know if this is the start of anything whatsoever. The magic 8 ball aka my Mother says yes but this has not been an auspicious start.
This is the longest it’s taken me to have four dates with anyone. I don’t count Jake since we stopped after the first.
Dates isn’t even a great term. The first meeting was a pre clearance date. Then a dinner date, then a spontaneous late night discussion on my couch, and most recently, another couch conversation in lieu of what was supposed to be a date.
I deleted my dating profiles last week – maybe the week before – and so far I don’t miss them. I’ve had a few moments where I considered reopening them, wondering if my soul mate is one right swipe away, but they remain deleted.
I have also quite liked not being able to check the locations of anyone I’ve connected with. It brings no good to know these things. I unfriended Kyle on Facebook, with strong encouragement from Hy, and that’s been fine too. There was nothing in his profile of any interest, but the moment he posted something I could possibly interpret as bad for me, I would wish to not have seen it.
He hasn’t mentioned it; I doubt he’s noticed. I almost followed Drew on Instagram but resisted. Continue reading →
With the feedback I’d gotten from my friends, I was trying my hardest to not assume ‘s Kyle’s lack of confirmation 24 hours in advance meant anything. We had confirmed a date and a time, just not a place. I was fairly certain he was interested in meeting and he didn’t strike me as the type to just bail.
I was mildly irritated because it was helpful to be able to plan in the morning what the hell I was doing after work. But I realized the way to deal with it was to just go about my arrangements, knowing it wasn’t a big deal, and based on what I knew we weren’t likely to meet downtown where I worked anyway. So either way, I was going home after my personal training session. Continue reading →
My experiences recently seem to have a similar theme – what amount of communication do I expect and how these expectations can get me into trouble.
I’ve had on and off blog conversations about this as I’ve explored various opinions and insights. There are a huge variation of opinions, but most tend to agree on the following:
Constant texting before you’ve met each other is a red flag. Meaning, every day, without much pause, throughout the day and night. Many of us don’t like this even later in a relationship (myself included).
Someone who challenges why you aren’t responding quickly enough is also not a good sign early on (and I don’t mean – “hey haven’t heard from you for three days, everything okay?”)
I decided to try Bumble again in the midst of relative silence from Ian. Perhaps I judged the app too harshly last time. And I just wanted a distraction. I fully admitted to myself I wanted to seek out someone who captured my fancy and who was worthy of my attention.
My second experience was pretty much the same as the first. Although as if they heard my feedback, they adjusted the app so a man now has to also respond (the first time) within 24 hours. Ghosting is eliminated in the first exchange at least.
So after a couple of texts with a few men, the conversations dwindled. Nothing worth writing about. Continue reading →
I remained confused about Ian’s general ambivalence. He’d sent me a Happy Mother’s Day text but then not much else. The Tuesday morning afterwards I texted “Good morning – you’ve been rather quiet.”
Later that night, laying on the floor all angry and hurt about Tony, I enjoyed a (brief) moment of levity when not 5 minutes before he showed up, Ian called. I didn’t answer the phone.
Later that night I saw he’d texted “hi” at 10:30 then later, “you have time to chat?”. The next morning when I woke up I texted that I would call him later that day. No “oh sorry I missed you”. Wasn’t feeling it, so didn’t say it. Continue reading →
For the first time ever, Tony told me he loved me. Despite some of you thinking it was manipulative, it seemed to me to be said more from surprise and compassion. I’d suspected for a long time he did love me, but it was wonderful to finally hear it.
Even if it was too late, and wouldn’t change a thing.
I punched him in the chest and say “you ass, why didn’t you ever tell me that before?”
He just looked at me blankly and said “I dunno Ann. Because I’m a guy? But I do love you.”