I’m going to merge a few Leo visits into one post, otherwise I know a few of you will kill me for the “cliffhangers” I’m frequently accused of.
I saw him three times in the week before and after Christmas. The first time was a brief visit; he brought an orchid, sat next to me on my couch and cuddled. By the time he started to kiss me, hard, my son’s nanny showed up to take me to an appointment.
We giggled conspiratorially at almost being caught canoodling on the couch, and he promised to come see me later in the week when I would be alone. Continue reading →
It was three weeks ago tomorrow when I broke my leg, and I’ve left my house only twice since. Once to go to a holiday concert at my son’s school (the day after I came home from the hospital; still not sure how I managed), and once to go to my Mom’s for Christmas eve and morning.
It feels like a blur. I can hardly believe it’s been three weeks; it seems like a long weekend. But the hospital stay, after-effects of surgery, taking Oxycontin as a painkiller, and the monotony of laying on my couch every single day and watching TV or movies probably have something to do with that.
Jake’s profile had appealed to me for a few reasons. It was well written and honest and had intellectual depth. He was tall and bulky and while not conventionally attractive I liked his look. Obviously, I liked that he’d followed up with me each time I came back online.
He asked me when I wanted him to come over with a bottle of wine. I told him I didn’t lead with sex anymore and perhaps we could go out for dinner. He was good with either but reminded me we’d already had sex and he knew we were both sexual people.
At some level I believed it wouldn’t make a difference with him. From the beginning, I think he was more like Jason and Andrew, where even if you have sex with them early they still see you as relationship material.
I think it was another first. Not just a new partner, but a completely anonymous partner. I didn’t get his name. He didn’t ask mine. He pounded away while I simultaneously orgasmed and thought that the edge of the platform was going to leave a nasty bruise on my legs (it did: several).
Dale and Jason were watching me, as were others. Jason said later he particularly liked the contrast between his dark skin, and my light.
Two funny things happened. While I don’t think he came, he just decided we were done after one of my orgasms. Perhaps he didn’t care that I could keep going – but to be fair, he would have been waiting a long time. He wandered off and I commented to Dale, Lisa, and the others, that “I guess we’re finished”.
Later, he came back to ask if he could fuck me again.
I went to my locker to get changed. Not into the dress and heels I brought, but a dress – if you could call it that – given to me by someone at the club. It was essentially a bunch of string woven into a cool and very revealing pattern.
While I am definitely into sex, and feeling sexy, I have never been one to wear anything particularly revealing or what could be called slutty. This “dress” was the epitome of slutty. And I mean that in a very positive way.
So getting dressed was a rather quick affair. Arrange the outfit over my body. Ignore my underwear and shoes. Leave. Continue reading →
Dale helped me get situated by the deck. It was the three of us and one other couple. Everyone else has taken a break to go eat, before the real party started. One couple left saying they were going to try out the swing in the dungeon. Advice was shared on which end to put your ass.
I was mesmerized by Lisa’s breasts – also enhanced – as they bobbed as she talked. I didn’t find her particularly attractive overall (and yes, I have found a few women attractive over the years) but in some ways, it helped me be more comfortable. I wasn’t intimidated at all. She was, overall, rather normal.
I was constantly struck by the incongruous situation. The two naked couples were talking about their favourite camping spots, and we could have been anywhere. But given where we were, and the fact that everyone was naked (except me, with my boring black bathing suit bottom) the discussion turned to some questions on the practical challenges of being “in the lifestyle” and having sex in a camper. Because, of course, camper walls are paper thin and the whole thing moves when you are having sex.
I can’t believe it’s only been seven days since I broke it off with Tony. It feels like forever and I miss him so much. All these little things remind me of him, and my first instinct is to text or call him – but I don’t. I have held true to my self-imposed no contact promise, both in spirit and letter.
A close friend gently told me he’s gone forever; the reality is if he wanted me, he would figure it out. I can come up with all kinds of rationalizations for his behaviour, but I know deep down it’s true. Regardless, there’s a part of me that so badly hopes its not true. Hoping there is a happy and romantic ending. I guess I’m not 100% cynic.
I have managed to stay off the dating sites. But before I claim any kind of moral victory, the truth is I haven’t needed them to interact with men. Continue reading →
When I wrote my last post, the one about Shenanigans, I was sitting at my kitchen island, crying, having a personal pity party. I had come home from time with a work colleague who is turning into a friend. She had taken me out for dinner and we’d had cocktails, shared a bottle of wine, and ate what she called “obviously we aren’t trying to pick up” food because it was deep fried and plenteous. It had been a fun night.
I was fine when I was out, surrounded by people. But home alone in a quiet house, the noise in my head telling me how much I missed Tony was impossible to block out.
I didn’t need any more alcohol. It was too early for me to go to bed. I was filling my time writing my post and discussing Tony and Mr. Tinder via text. I hadn’t heard from Tinder since I sent a thank you note after our date the night before. He had asked me what I was doing this night and said he would come over after our respective engagements, to f*ck me. Continue reading →