Wow, that's awkward.

I’ve written before about my friend and I having the same guys reach out (or not) to us on dating sites.  One of them was the 30 year-old whose shenanigans I’ve been promising to write down…I’m building the long list of stupid and/or mean stuff he’s said to me.  But I just couldn’t resist sharing this incident, in advance of y’all knowing more about him.  I will call him “P”.  Because of his name and also because it’s the first letter in PRICK.

On Monday night, I had P over.  This was after after-work drinks with my friend and a friend of hers.  His plans had been cancelled and he asked me if we could hook up.  The sex is good so I said sure, why not.

In the course of the post-coital conversation I mentioned to P that he had good taste because he had also reached out to a girlfriend of mine online.  He’s only on one dating site so it narrowed it down.  I think I said she was also 40 and may have vaguely mentioned she was in a much different business than I.  He started asking me who it was – of course I wouldn’t tell him.  We’d fool around and then he’d ask again.  I finally told him to just forget it – that it was private and I wasn’t about to give him her “handle”.

Fast forward to the next day.  My friend sends me a screen shot of her inbox… P hasn’t reached out to her since March 7**, and now there’s an email from him that says “Hi…what kind of business are you in”?
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P's Shenanigans | Or why I kept seeing a jerk (Volume 1)

It didn’t start badly.  It was a pretty normal start to an online dating relationship (which yes, means a “normal” level of BS, weirdness, and all that).

He reached out in early December – it was simple – “Hey, I liked your profile and think we have a lot in common.  How are you doing?”.  He was 30, a decade younger than I, and given some of the experienced I’ve already documented, I was quite reluctant to have another go at a young guy.  His profile wasn’t notable in any way.  Seemed rather chill, if not a bit boring (watching sports and reading the paper in his spare time – whoooo).  But he had a nice look and was 6’5″…which was appealing.  He was also articulate and smart. And, to be honest, he was interested in me; which given some of my prior experiences, was great in and of itself. Continue reading

P's Shenanigans | Volume 2

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I don’t recall a second date.  As in, actually being out anywhere.  It’s quite possible we just went straight for the “meet for a drink at my place” for our second round.  We might have gone back to the same pub.  Either way, it’s irrelevant.

Communication between the two of us has always been rather challenging.  For example, we never talked on the phone, or even emailed one another – it was always via text.   In person, we definitely had decent conversations, but P doesn’t like talking about certain things – if things get too personal or probing for him, he sidesteps the conversation and says he’s not interested in talking about it. Continue reading

P's Shenanigans | Volume 3

Click here for Volume 1 and Volume 2.

As I’ve said before, this guy provided me with so much material. Yet I find it hard to write about. Probably because I think I need to spend a lot of time explain the circumstances and background, etcetera. But honestly? I think the text messages probably just speak for themselves.  So in order to purge this guy permanently from my being, I just need to share it with you.

Remember he had said he was cool with dating me. He was interested in being just with me for a while, to see where things went. After our second time together I got the following: “I’m standing here at home having a snack, in the most mellow/relaxed state ever. That was truly awesome with you today.  See you. :)”

We had another date where he stayed overnight and I made breakfast for him in the morning, after some great morning sex. We talked about next dates, going out, and how fun it would be to go dancing together.  All in all, things seemed to be progressing rather nicely.

We continued to chat but there was a subtle change in how much he was communicating with me.  It triggered my insecurities a little bit and I was also quite curious whether he was seeing anyone else.  And then it began (and sorry, it’s long – it starts with me, and the bolding is mine): Continue reading

P's Shenanigans | Volume 4

Click here for Volume 1, Volume 2, and Volume 3.

The next day, I decided I wanted to get exact clarity. Sometimes, I’m a glutton for punishment. I push things and ask questions even when they may hurt. But in this case, I think I needed to see the words on the page so I could make a decision about what I wanted.

  • Me: Are you okay with planning dates or do you only want spontaneity? Or no dates the all, just hooking up?
  • Him: Just hooking up, maybe a date here and there
  • Me: Well that pretty much reduces me to a “sex girl” for you then….even if you don’t feel that way, that’s what the result will be. So, I’m clear now on both the theory and practice of what you want. If I want to hook up I will be in touch. Continue reading

P's Shenanigans | Volume 5

Click here for Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, and Volume 4. You might want to cozy up with nice coffee or glass of wine.

The next day, the first text when I see it – in the middle of a meeting – is “Are you interested in voyeurism”?

I think I snorted coffee through my nose.

  • Him: Would you be interested or turned on by me fucking another woman and you watching, with the potential of joining in?
  • Me: Not sure about watching being a turn on. Joining in? Maybe. Depends on how you and I are together….and I mean that in a broad sense.
  • Him: Hmm okay
  • Me: Haven’t been in that situation before to be honest so just not sure. I don’t mean “not sure” as no. Truly mean not sure. Could be super f-Ing hot.
  • Him: So, you’d eat a womans pussy?

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P's Shenanigans | Volume 6 (aka back from the dead the first time)

Click here for Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, and Volume 5.  If you think the saga is long, imagine what it was like to live it.  Sorry.

So, our last interaction was mid-January. I saw NIM a couple of times in the next two weeks but other than that, was bereft of male physical companionship.  It was around this time that I met My Giant online.  I went on my sunny solo beach vacation to try to shake off the stress of my job.

I had a decent February, being fully engaged with My Giant, I met the crazy Russian, had a great first date with guy who worked downtown as a media lawyer… and then I get home one Friday night and I have a message on my home machine.  Nobody ever calls me on my home machine.  It’s a “text to voice” message. This robotic voice says “you have a message from XXX-XXX-XXX…Hey.”

What the fuck?

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P's Shenanigans | Volume 7 (and final. maybe)

Click here for Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, and Volume 6.  I should probably buy anyone that makes it through all of these a beer or something.  Maybe a case.  There were also the first two I wrote about him…but enough of that.

So, I came back from my vacation with my Mom, having yet again purged his text messages from my phone.  Another Friday night and I come home to a voicemail from him on my home phone.  It was March 7th.  This date is significant because it’s the same night that he texted my friend for the first time to see if she was available (as I wrote about in this post).  Of course I didn’t know that at the time, but he was obviously trolling.

I’d had the week of the four failed dates.  Yes I was in the middle of my romance with the Giant, and he was coming to visit in a few days. But, like a moth to a flame…I texted P back. Continue reading

The final saga of P's Shenanigans (until he calls me again)

Click here for Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, and let’s not forget the classic Volume 7.

I’m really, truly, sorry.  But hopefully it has made you laugh….more likely cringe, but I can’t really avoid telling certain stories if I’m going to maintain my honest blog status.

So like I said at the end of Volume 7, I did see him once more. There was a Friday night where I was supposed to see NIM, who bailed, per usual.  I was bored.  In a weak moment, I texted P.  It had been a week and I had a pair of shoes on that reminded me of him.  So yeah, I went there. Continue reading

Sweet bloody hell. I'm your dating counselor now? (Shenanigans)

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If you don’t know who I mean when I say P / Shenanigans, and you want to waste some time, then follow the lovers link and read the stories about this guy.

This story stands on its own, though.

All you probably need to know is that we had sex with each other off and on over the last year. I haven’t actually seen him in person since before March at least. We never saw each other again because inevitably he’d be an asshole and we would get into arguments that meant we stopped texting for a little while. But he would always pop back up at some point.

The last time, I told him I was going to block his number so he would leave me alone. He said he would delete my information if I wanted, but asked me not to block him. The last two text messages I sent him were: Continue reading