the universe sometimes provides what you need

I may be dropped, but I bounce.

So, Jack broke up with me. It’s been a pretty rare occurrence in the past four years, which I suppose makes me lucky. Not that I haven’t been heartbroken, but I usually do the ending it.

I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I hadn’t fallen in love, and I appreciated Jack’s honesty and reasonably early recognition that he wasn’t emotionally ready for any form of relationship. On the other hand, I really liked Jack and saw potential with him, and am frustrated with how things played out.

Of course, I do wonder if he will come to a later conclusion that I also wasn’t the right person for him. I still don’t know if readiness can be forced, or overlooked, for the right person. Continue reading

We made our own BBC party.

Lewis and I hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks – mostly due to my vacation schedule. Unless I’m willing to see someone when I have Liam, I’m on a two week cycle. And sex with Lewis is rather, ahem, vigorous.

I wrote my last post while waiting for him to come over. It was a mostly typical Lewis encounter that night. We have a drink, talk about work (this time there wasn’t much talking), we go upstairs, undress, but of foreplay, he pounds away forever, we talk more, he goes home.

In some ways it was a bit different.

I greeted him at the door naked except for lace panties, with his drink in my hand. Hence why the shop talk was cut short.  Continue reading

i fucked a lot of guys this week

My busy week | Thurs Lewis & Fri Jake

Monday | Tuesday & Wednesday

Thursday was Lewis’s. The week prior we went to a formal event together (which was awesome) and he came over to my place afterwards to let off the sexual tension building all night. Before he left, we agreed to meet this past Thursday. He also promised to take me dancing at some point this summer and I hope that can happen. I would love to be on a darkened dance floor with him.

Thursday was just going to be the two of us, but at some point during the day when my phone pinged with a new text message I looked down to see: “Clark said he’s free too…”

Gulp. Continue reading

It’s quite true. They come back.

This isn’t something that just happened, but I haven’t had a chance to write about it and figured some levity might be a good thing for me right now.

WAY back when I first started dating, and acted like a crazy woman when someone disappeared (just read about the Cook to see an example), there was a guy who I met for one date and then he gradually disappeared, but not before he also continued to reach out to a close friend of mine online.

I lost my shit. I literally cringe when I read the post, but go read it and then come back. I’ll wait.

Continue reading

Intellectual, physical, and emotional chemistry. 

It’s been two weeks since I met Sevag. Only two weeks, even though we’ve seen each other more than ten times in that time frame. Is that like dog age dating? Each week is like seven? Perhaps. Even so, I’m challenged to explain (to me, to Sevag, and to my friends) how there are some things which just feel so right and so perfect, and others I’m still wary of.

I was at a sporting event with a close friend this week. I told her some of the things he’s told me, like “I’m falling in love with you, Ann”, and at first she, like everyone else, scoffed at the sentiment and his presumed impulsiveness. “Who could say such a thing so soon?” is the common refrain. I didn’t defend him other to say we did have a strong connection and he speaks from the heart.

Then later, I mentioned where he was from. He’s middle eastern, for those who have asked. Continue reading

That first coffee date…

Sevag’s first message on OK Cupid was thoughtful, honest, and customized for me. It was, frankly, as perfect as any opener could be:

“Yes we are a match 🙂 According to OK Cupid, 96%. Great! Your profile is very interesting and I would love to hear what changed or made you change for the last two years. Sounds like a conversation over a good bottle of red. 200k songs in your iTunes library? I thought I was a music fan, my library has only a couple of thousands 🙂 But I can tell we have the same taste and I would love to explore that. I must say I am excited (maybe I should hold my horses for the first message, but I am who I am) and I would love to know more about you. Sevag” Continue reading

It’s been 8 days and I’m still truckin’

It’s 8 days since Tony and I broke up. My first 3 days weren’t horrible, with sweating, talking, and a good fuck on Monday night. Tuesday I went out with a girlfriend for drinks and dinner. I was hoping to see the Comedian afterwards but he had to deal with work at the last minute.

Wednesday I had a friend over for dinner. Over sushi and proscecco we talked about life and breakups and the general shittiness of my situation.

Thursday I met a new man for tea. He’d reached out to me on the website for a local swingers club and had been interested in meeting me for a while. He knew about Tony and my hesitance to meet him was primarily because Tony wasn’t ready for any group play, and I didn’t want to vet any new men until that time.  Continue reading

How does this happen so quickly, and talking to Tony.

This happens enough that I wonder if there’s some truth to an ability to just “put things out into the universe”. I won’t profess to know either way, but it does make for fun blog posts if nothing else. I can think of at least three past blog posts similar to this one.

Last week, the day I had my morning talk with Tony, I heard from none other than the Comedian. He’d gone silent in the early summer after a string of romantic and sweet messages to me. I figured he had a girlfriend and just couldn’t figure out how to stay in touch as friends.  Continue reading

The 48-hour aftermath 

Breakups always suck, but the amount of suckage is relative. I don’t feel like that’s a particularly profound statement but it’s what I’ve got for you right now.

As my breakup with Tony goes, it’s a doozy.

It’s not so much that I doubt the decision we made (and yes, it was we; I knew deep down what was likely to happen when I drew my line in the sand). I’m at peace with the decision and I am relieved to not have that awful feeling of mistrust and unsatisfied yearning of my heart.

What makes me sad is the loss of him as part of my day-to-day life. What has me sobbing is the losing one of the strongest connections I’ve ever had with a man.  Continue reading

The Tony conversations.

Last week, I was sick, had written my morose post, and was not in a good mind set. Bit of an understatement.

Tony called me that evening. Not as soon as he finished work – he’d rushed to his ex’s house so he could take his son skating. He called me after he dropped him off and was driving home.

He sounded so happy to be able to take him and that he was making good progress. He has a skating party with a friend next weekend and wants to be able to skate.

Tony’s love for his son shines through whenever he talks about him. He misses him so much. He takes him to school every morning he can, and sometimes has him overnight on a Saturday, but that’s it. I know it tortures him because he tells me so. Continue reading