The trip with Leo had my head spinning. I sat on the plane, watching the sunset, listening to music, and turning things over and over. What was it I really wanted, why wasn’t I content, could anything be done about it. What did I say to him, if anything.
Sometimes things are clear for me in dating and I only need to figure out what I want to say.
But with Leo it wasn’t as straightforward. On the plus side, I knew he was trying. He is a solid family man, a good dad, and has close friends. He’s self-confident and kind. He was chill about my blog and seemed to have no issues with my sexual history or even my current ask to be non-exclusive. None of these are qualities to be taken lightly. Continue reading →
My AFF profile was open for a few months last Summer and early Fall. It’s where I met Leo, as some of you may remember. I have zero recollection whether I met anyone else in person from that site – it’s funny how time erases some people and not others – but there was another man who tried and we simply couldn’t connect.
I never wrote about him, because I never met him. The last interaction was him asking me to meet one weekend morning for coffee, then when I agreed to the time and place he went silent. It was the second or third time it didn’t work due to his flakiness so when he reached out again, I scolded him and said no thank you.
A lovely reader yesterday inquired whether anything bad has happened, as it had been 10 days since I’d posted. The short answer is no, everything is very… stable.
My sex life has been rather quiet – and it’s not a complaint. The very end of November was my last night with LewisandClark. I haven’t seen Clark since, and Lewis only once, over a month ago. The first weekend in December was the last time I had sex with Todd. I wrote about Tony on Christmas Eve. I had Jason back in my bed for the first time in a year, over a month ago.
I was playing around with Google Analytics today and doing some blog maintenance. While I knew “making a sex machine” and its derivatives is often one of the top searches that gets people to my blog, I didn’t realize how often.
Over 39,000 times – since I switched to self-hosted last Spring. I know that post gets around 120 hits a day, so seems right.
It’s funny – it drives my site traffic but not engagement. People don’t hang around and read my story – they are looking for instructions.
I re-read the post today and it still makes me giggle. Because really, it’s ridiculous. The box has sat under my bed since the time I tried it. The reciprocating saw hasn’t been used. Somehow I think if I tell Leo, he’ll try it.
I am writing this post fresh. Freshly angry. Apologies in advance for a lack of editing and shitty structure.
You’ll surely recall he (Tony) fucked me on Christmas eve, in the midst of family-oriented errands. He was fully ensconced in family time for Christmas and days afterwards. So naturally, he didn’t reach out. I am not part of that part of his life.
Which honestly down to my core was just fine – because it helped me put more nails in the coffin of what was left of our relationship.
I’m going to merge a few Leo visits into one post, otherwise I know a few of you will kill me for the “cliffhangers” I’m frequently accused of.
I saw him three times in the week before and after Christmas. The first time was a brief visit; he brought an orchid, sat next to me on my couch and cuddled. By the time he started to kiss me, hard, my son’s nanny showed up to take me to an appointment.
We giggled conspiratorially at almost being caught canoodling on the couch, and he promised to come see me later in the week when I would be alone. Continue reading →
It had been five weeks since I’d seen Leo, on our third date when he asked whether I was his girlfriend. When I told him by text I had neither the emotional or practical time or energy to have a relationship, he replied he completely understood. He told me he can be patient, that he didn’t want me to be the “one who got away” when he was old.
I thought it was sweet. He was understanding, and patient, and romantic without being creepy.
He kept in infrequent contact, checking in and saying hello. Never pressuring me. Continue reading →
I’ve finally cured myself of my tendency to over-think everything. While I’ve had plenty male experiences to keep my mind occupied in the last few months, one thing I haven’t done is go down any rabbit holes of what-could-be and what-if.
It’s rather refreshing, frankly.
With Alan, while there were some things that concerned me about our potential compatibility, I decided to just let things play out. And play out, they have. Continue reading →
I can’t even recall exactly when first contact was made with Tony. I had several weeks of silence, which was good for me. Strangely perhaps, the subsequent contact didn’t pull me back in but instead, helped me move on.
It’s been a long journey to get to this point. Tony’s duplicity is no surprise, nor is his ability to obfuscate and avoid conversations that reveal too much truth. He’s an expert.
So I’m not in any way going to suggest surprise at any of those things.