The world is small, the dating world, smaller.

Two of my friends are freshly separated – less than a year. They are in the midst of negotiating settlements and getting used to their new normal. Both have recently started dating and we have an ongoing three-way text chat to share our highs and lows. And dick pics.

The first friend is looking only for casual sex. She’s on Adult Friend Finder. One guy she met had the same name as someone I went on one date with, perhaps three years ago. It’s not a common name but not rare, either. She shared a picture (as we tend to do) and I didn’t recognize him.

They went on a date a week or so later. She mentioned they went back to his place, where it was located, and that he had some erection trouble. My spidey sense tingled. “Hey, can you share a pic?” I asked, via text. 

Oh good lord.

It was the same guy. The first pic he had sunglasses on but the second was his LinkedIn profile.

The hilarity ensued. I don’t think I wrote about him – if I did it’s buried in a text about dating fails – because as nice as our date was, he was weird when we got back to his place and he wasn’t able to perform. Hence why he’s not on my “men I had sex with” list.

What we both found funny is we are polar opposites in looks – I’m blonde, fair, and curvy, and she is a dark-skinned, lithe athlete. He has good taste, that’s for sure.

They had a rather chill fuck buddy situation for several weeks. She never told him we knew each other lest it freak him out. 

Then yesterday I was hanging out with the other friend. She’d had a good first date with a man named Leo who was from the same country as my Leo. But not the same guy – we checked. I asked her if she had any more dates lined up.

“Not really,” she said, “but there’s another guy from [foreign country] who is there right now but I may see him when he’s back”.

Hmm. Same country as someone I used to date. But that’s common. Still.

“What’s his name?”

“Sevag.”

Ummm. 

“Hey do you have a picture?” 

It was him. He Who Shall Not Be Named. I told her the highlights of our story, which are removed from the blog – the intense first few dates, his third date declaration of love, his stalking my social media which led to his finding my blog, his descent into crazy jealousy, the threats and the police getting involved.

She isn’t going to keep in touch with him. I hated being the bearer of bad news, but she doesn’t like what she now knows he’s capable of.

Oh, and she used to be best friends with Tony’s again-wife, and she’s work friends with Jack’s ex-wife.

I live in a big city and continue to be amazed at how small it seems to be. I suspect this will keep happening. 

Intimacy with friends and lovers

I’ve been thinking a lot about intimacy. How we build it, and what happens when its destroyed. How we simultaneously can want it, and shrink from it.

It can be fucking terrifying, yet freeing.

Many people were surprised I would spend a weekend away with someone so early in our relationship. I wanted to see what it would be like. What he was like, and what we were like together. It’s hard to be only on your best behavior for four days. And given his early declarations of love for me, I was very keen to suss out whether my gut was wrong: could he actually be needy and in love with love? Continue reading

Intellectual, physical, and emotional chemistry. 

It’s been two weeks since I met Sevag. Only two weeks, even though we’ve seen each other more than ten times in that time frame. Is that like dog age dating? Each week is like seven? Perhaps. Even so, I’m challenged to explain (to me, to Sevag, and to my friends) how there are some things which just feel so right and so perfect, and others I’m still wary of.

I was at a sporting event with a close friend this week. I told her some of the things he’s told me, like “I’m falling in love with you, Ann”, and at first she, like everyone else, scoffed at the sentiment and his presumed impulsiveness. “Who could say such a thing so soon?” is the common refrain. I didn’t defend him other to say we did have a strong connection and he speaks from the heart.

Then later, I mentioned where he was from. He’s middle eastern, for those who have asked. Continue reading

My fiery Aries and me

Sevag and I first communicated on OK Cupid on Saturday, we had an hour long phone conversation on Sunday, met for a coffee date and kiss on Tuesday, had another hour long phone call on Tuesday night, had a drink and amazing sex on Thursday, he came over late on Friday for an overnight and didn’t leave until noon the next morning.

Sunday night he came over late and didn’t leave until 1am. We did nothing but talk and kiss. It was a pretty magical time. He is passionate and romantic and says such lovely things.

The OK Cupid statistics are proving correct; we see eye to eye on most things. Everything from attitudes on relationships to religion (although that’s our lowest match category) and life in general. Continue reading

When to focus on just one person & am I on the rebound?

Sevag (aka HWSNBN – read this to see what I’m talking about) and I agree on a lot. It’s not surprising; the OK Cupid match statistics revealed our “technical” 99% match based on attitudes, beliefs, desires.

One thing he told me (and it was like hearing my own words in someone else’s mouth) was he found online dating addictive. Always wondering what / who else is out there, even when you are communicating with good people. He also told me after meeting me he lost all interest in communicating with anyone else; the first time it’s ever happened for him.

I told him the truth; I had been exclusively reactive since going online, and even then responded to just a few men on the site. Only one other was someone new; the other two were former lovers who wanted to reconnect. Continue reading

I sense real trouble with this one.

I woke up this morning wondering if the hours spent with Sevag last night were a dream. An amazing, intense, wonderful, dream.

They weren’t, but easily could be.

My heart and head are fighting a serious battle; a good one this time. It is so seductive to be romanced by someone who looks at me like he can see into my heart and soul. I actually think he can.

He has sussed out truths about me without my explicitly sharing information that would allow this conclusion. Continue reading

The fastest fuck ever.

After our first brief coffee date, which wasn’t a date as much as pre-screening, I explained to Sevag while I had Liam for longer than normal, perhaps we could find another time for coffee or a quick after work drink.

He was very keen to see me again. He told me he could still taste me on his mouth, and he liked it. That he was entirely distracted with thoughts of kissing me – and more.

We spoke again on the phone at night and had another nice long conversation that covered multiple topics. He was easy to talk to.

He sent romantic texts, speaking of how much he already missed me, how much we had in common, and how much potential he saw. Continue reading

That first coffee date…

Sevag’s first message on OK Cupid was thoughtful, honest, and customized for me. It was, frankly, as perfect as any opener could be:

“Yes we are a match 🙂 According to OK Cupid, 96%. Great! Your profile is very interesting and I would love to hear what changed or made you change for the last two years. Sounds like a conversation over a good bottle of red. 200k songs in your iTunes library? I thought I was a music fan, my library has only a couple of thousands 🙂 But I can tell we have the same taste and I would love to explore that. I must say I am excited (maybe I should hold my horses for the first message, but I am who I am) and I would love to know more about you. Sevag” Continue reading