Kyle needs to talk.

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I’d had a lot of time over the last few months to try to figure out, without overanalyzing, what the fuck Kyle’s deal was. I didn’t doubt his interest in me – he had the intention to see me / date me – however in practice it completely fell down.

Bottom line, dating me was not a priority. I would have bet he wasn’t dating others, so I didn’t get the sense he had other women that came first. Of course, being the last wife in the harem holds no appeal to me. It was harder to accept that even if I was the only one he was interested in, his behavior was still uncool. Continue reading

Passing a chemistry test.

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The next morning around 10:30 Drew sent me a text: “Good morning.. Hope your having a great day so far”. We texted off and on throughout the day, and feeling positive that seeing him two nights in a row wouldn’t be weird, so I told him if Wednesday might not be able to work I was happy to see him that night. He was keen but needed to sort out work – he’s in a creative industry much like Tony where his schedule is rarely known in advance, nor is when his day ends.

It didn’t work out, which was completely fine, and he was very appreciative I was chill about it.

He sent proactive texts that day and the next. I asked if he was still good to get together that night and he told me he “would love to see” me. It felt nice.  Continue reading

So ready for a vacation. 

I’ve had a few extra long weekends so far this year (which have been amazing) but with five weeks vacation to use, I needed to take some time off.

The last three summers I’ve taken Liam on two-week vacations. This year he’s going somewhere with his Dad, but I was able to find four nights where Liam and I can go to the ocean. But that’s not until next month.

So without plans, I booked two weeks off this month. It worked with the timing of my project and I figured I would sort out specific plans later. One of those weeks I have Liam and we will enjoy a few day trips, excursions and some visits to friends. I’m looking forward to having some relaxed time with him.

The other week I will be travelling to spend time with a close girlfriend and I can’t wait. It’s been a few months since we’ve seen each other and given what we’ve been through in that time, I think we’re both looking forward to it. I need some girl time.  Continue reading

Doug the sailor is being set adrift

I don’t regret many of the men I’ve had sex with. Certainly not that many in the last three years; just one. Unfortunately I have to add Doug to the list, I’m afraid. It’s not a strong regret but simply – it was sex I could have done without.

Doug is being set adrift.

After our first date, I knew there wasn’t long-term potential. There were too many divergent interests, attitudes, and behaviors. But he was fun and I could see perhaps spending a few rowdy nights hanging out on his boat.  Continue reading

a squirting second date

A two-year wait for date #2

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Jake’s profile had appealed to me for a few reasons. It was well written and honest and had intellectual depth. He was tall and bulky and while not conventionally attractive I liked his look. Obviously, I liked that he’d followed up with me each time I came back online.

He asked me when I wanted him to come over with a bottle of wine. I told him I didn’t lead with sex anymore and perhaps we could go out for dinner. He was good with either but reminded me we’d already had sex and he knew we were both sexual people.

At some level I believed it wouldn’t make a difference with him. From the beginning, I think he was more like Jason and Andrew, where even if you have sex with them early they still see you as relationship material.

Continue reading

i fucked a lot of guys this week

My busy week | Thurs Lewis & Fri Jake

Monday | Tuesday & Wednesday

Thursday was Lewis’s. The week prior we went to a formal event together (which was awesome) and he came over to my place afterwards to let off the sexual tension building all night. Before he left, we agreed to meet this past Thursday. He also promised to take me dancing at some point this summer and I hope that can happen. I would love to be on a darkened dance floor with him.

Thursday was just going to be the two of us, but at some point during the day when my phone pinged with a new text message I looked down to see: “Clark said he’s free too…”

Gulp. Continue reading

the tall man bailed

Third time’s a…total bail – WTF?!

As I wrote yesterday, I find it very challenging to accept that extended periods of silence (as defined by me) do not equate to disinterest.

It goes against almost every other experience I’ve had with men so far, and it’s diametrically opposed to how I operate. I’m an open and enthusiastic communicator. I think nothing of telling a man I’m excited to see him, when I am. If I like you, you’ll know it.

I don’t play it cool very well. But here’s the problem – on the receiving end, how can the man know the difference between appropriate enthusiasm after a second date, and a woman who has gotten far ahead of herself on the relationship path? Continue reading

eating and sleeping alone

I don’t like having meals out alone

This past weekend, I went away – alone. I had an extra day off and no plans. My friends were all busy. Even if I wanted to use Tony as a crutch, he was away for work. And since Kyle hardly texts let alone declare his love for me on our second date (cough, cough), we aren’t remotely close to the “go away together” stage yet.

Given all the drama I’ve experienced in the last couple of months plus the work stress I’m under, I really wanted to get away.

I booked a train trip. Two nights at a hotel with a king bed and crisp white sheets. A dinner each night with one of my closest friends and her family. A day at a spa – the kind with steam rooms, saunas, hot tubs, cold water springs, fireplaces, and hammocks. A 90 minute massage with Jonathan. A facial the next day.

Bliss.

Kind of. Continue reading

a great second date with Kyle

Are we having a moment? My second date with Kyle

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“Ann, are you telling me you and I both have dark blue cars with tan interiors?”

We hold each other’s gaze from across the table.

“Kyle, are we having a moment?”

Ann, indeed I think we are. Give me a second to recover. Wow.”

We burst out laughing. Continue reading

Three quick things

My gut was more right than I thought. Those days away for “work” when he could mysteriously not talk to me? Tony was on vacation with his “ex” wife and child. 

Pretty sure the only reason he confessed was because I called him on his bullshit.

In theory I may see him tonight so he can tell me all this to my face. 

::

I’ve not heard from Ian since the Happy Mother’s Day text.

::

I went on another first date. Coffee, within 48 hours of first contact. He’s communicative. Very tall – 6’8″. Real job. Confirmed our second date as we said goodbye. Kiss on the cheek. 

Can honestly say if not for the latter I would be even deeper in a spiral of anger.