A few of you noted I didn’t mention whether I’d said yes to going away for a couple of nights with Tony.
Of course, I said yes. But maybe not for all the reasons you think. Yes, I knew I would have fun. But I wanted the opportunity to say the things I needed to say – and knew it would be likely I could find the right moment.
I learned something interesting and perhaps sad about my heart – at least as it comes to Tony: it is truly slightly frozen. Maybe because he’s been around in various forms in my life for over two years, and butterflies don’t last. Or maybe it’s because he caused me pain and it’s my reasonable self-protection and practical nature at play.
But regardless the reason, I haven’t lost myself in girlish hope of something with him. Continue reading →
Claude rang the buzzer many flights down in our apartment building with no lift. He’s fit but it still took him a while to get up all of the stairs. He looked exactly as I expected. Yes, twenty years older, but the man I remembered. We greeted with kisses on each cheek and a lingering hug.
He said hello to Liam, who was distracted with his iPad. Claude and I went upstairs: he’d brought snacks and drinks. He was a good caregiver the few days and evenings we spent together. As independent as I am, I like a man who has the right balance of respecting me as an equal and knowing when I need water or proactively ordering me a glass of cava. Continue reading →
The hot: Our last (and second) overnight date saw Leo continue our fisting adventure, this time adding double penetration with his hands and the Hitachi, for long enough at times I almost saw stars.
I could kiss him for hours.
The sweet: Every time he woke up that night, he wrapped me in his arms. He would nuzzle the back of my neck. He gives me bear hugs and tells me how good I feel.
He sends sweet memes.
The work-in-progress: He’s working on his weight loss. A good start, but a long way to go. It’s had an impact on his – ahem – ability to perform. It’s clearly not a deal-breaker for me at this point. Continue reading →
I can’t even recall exactly when first contact was made with Tony. I had several weeks of silence, which was good for me. Strangely perhaps, the subsequent contact didn’t pull me back in but instead, helped me move on.
It’s been a long journey to get to this point. Tony’s duplicity is no surprise, nor is his ability to obfuscate and avoid conversations that reveal too much truth. He’s an expert.
So I’m not in any way going to suggest surprise at any of those things.
It may have sounded from my last post that I’d fired all the men in my life. Not true.
While I’m not overwhelmingly excited about anything at the moment, those I’m still engaging with do provide some pleasure. And some is better than none, right?
I haven’t seen Leo since the date I wrote about. Partly because of bad timing on both our parts, but also because he doesn’t take priority. He’s lovely, and patient. I don’t want to take advantage of that. But I saw other lovers the last week I was free. The next week I’m free I’m seeing Alan one night, girlfriends the next, Clark the night after, and then I’m away on business, returning the day I get my child again for the week.
It’s easy to not stress about dating when I have a few nights alone which I welcome, a busy social calendar with friends and family, a couple of casual lovers, and a couple of romantic men willing to take whatever spare time I have. Right now I need alone time more than another date. Continue reading →
Fox continues to surprise and delight me. There are many things going through my mind about him but I’m struggling putting it into words. I’ve tried to explain it to friends and the thoughts are starting to coalesce – which means you will see them here soon.