I sense real trouble with this one.

I woke up this morning wondering if the hours spent with Sevag last night were a dream. An amazing, intense, wonderful, dream.

They weren’t, but easily could be.

My heart and head are fighting a serious battle; a good one this time. It is so seductive to be romanced by someone who looks at me like he can see into my heart and soul. I actually think he can.

He has sussed out truths about me without my explicitly sharing information that would allow this conclusion. Continue reading

Arranging a threesome with my boyfriend. 

No, that’s not fraught with danger.

When I finally agreed to be exclusive with Fox (we had the exclusivity conversation twice), I had one condition: that he be open to occasionally playing with others, together. He accepted that condition with some reservations.

He was worried first about how often I might want it. When I reassured him it was probably a once every couple of months thing, if that, he felt better.

But then, a more serious issue surfaced – what if he tried it and couldn’t perform, or it really bothered him? He was (is?) worried I may not want to continue dating him. Continue reading

Fully integrating into each other’s lives.

“As a relationship progresses you hit milestones.

The last couple of days I feel we hit several. Maria staying at you place alone; me going to your Mothers birthday; chilling playing a board game with Liam.

This weekend to me is a HUGE bridge we are going to cross. Going to your friends country house; me staying overnight with Liam there.

We are becoming a fully integrated couple (if we aren’t already).

I know you asked me to stay over last night with Liam there. I said “no” because of clothes and Maria.

Before this weekend happens, I want you to be certain I am what you want; what you are looking for in a relationship.  Continue reading

My boyfriend is romantic AND dirty.

Yes. He did this ^^

Fox continues to surprise and delight me. There are many things going through my mind about him but I’m struggling putting it into words. I’ve tried to explain it to friends and the thoughts are starting to coalesce – which means you will see them here soon.

But I wanted to share some recent moments with him. Continue reading

Might I have a man choice on my horizon?

I didn’t think I would have this problem. And I’m going to make this post quick because a very wise New Yorker suggested perhaps I write a little bit less and focus on other stuff (he said health, but I’m going to use the found time to get my turntable fixed so I can play the albums my father gave me at Christmas… his ENTIRE music collection).

Last night I was texting Tony a little bit and I sent him a picture…not particularly naughty, but I did think it was sexy. It was of my shoulder, neck, and breast (covered with my hand) showing him that the bruise from last weekend had faded.

He didn’t exactly respond in a manner I thought befitting someone who had just received said photo, so I asked him what he thought and he said: Continue reading

March 1987 | Another boy, another breakup

I have pulled all of my diaries (at least the ones from age 14 onwards) out of storage and am digging my way through them. They are mortifying and intriguing and insightful all at the same time.

I found one from 1987 and was browsing through it last week. A sheet of lined pink paper floated out and I found a copy of a letter I wrote to a boyfriend I had, named Chris.

“Lady in Red” by Chris DeBurgh was the #1 single at the time.  I know this because I carefully cut out the top 40 list and pasted it onto a page. Continue reading

I'm morose.

I’m trying not to be, but I’m morose. I’m watching him pack as I type these words. He leaves tomorrow morning, early. Our 10 days is up. 

(If you don’t know who I’m talking about, search “Johnny” on my blog or go to my Lovers page. It’s a darn-tooting dramatic and romantic story, if I do say so myself). 

We stopped by a tattoo parlor tonight, after dropping my son off with my Mom. He got a permanent reminder of me. No, it’s not my face or my name – he’s not an idiot – but it will always be there. It’s really fucking romantic. And sexy. 

Yes, we had the conversation about what’s next. Yes, I will share it, but not right now. I don’t know how much I will write about our time together – definitely some of the highlights. But there are moments that will remain just ours, forever. 

I will miss him terribly. Thank you WordPress, for helping him find me.