When attraction is timeless.

Claude rang the buzzer many flights down in our apartment building with no lift. He’s fit but it still took him a while to get up all of the stairs. He looked exactly as I expected. Yes, twenty years older, but the man I remembered. We greeted with kisses on each cheek and a lingering hug.

He said hello to Liam, who was distracted with his iPad. Claude and I went upstairs: he’d brought snacks and drinks. He was a good caregiver the few days and evenings we spent together. As independent as I am, I like a man who has the right balance of respecting me as an equal and knowing when I need water or proactively ordering me a glass of cava.  Continue reading

I’m conflicted between calm and needing excitement.

The hot: Our last (and second) overnight date saw Leo continue our fisting adventure, this time adding double penetration with his hands and the Hitachi, for long enough at times I almost saw stars.

I could kiss him for hours.

The sweet: Every time he woke up that night, he wrapped me in his arms. He would nuzzle the back of my neck. He gives me bear hugs and tells me how good I feel.

He sends sweet memes.

The work-in-progress: He’s working on his weight loss. A good start, but a long way to go. It’s had an impact on his – ahem – ability to perform. It’s clearly not a deal-breaker for me at this point. Continue reading

Tony’s Christmas Gift

I can’t even recall exactly when first contact was made with Tony. I had several weeks of silence, which was good for me. Strangely perhaps, the subsequent contact didn’t pull me back in but instead, helped me move on.

It’s been a long journey to get to this point. Tony’s duplicity is no surprise, nor is his ability to obfuscate and avoid conversations that reveal too much truth. He’s an expert.

So I’m not in any way going to suggest surprise at any of those things.

But. Continue reading

Alan is still in the picture.

It may have sounded from my last post that I’d fired all the men in my life. Not true.

While I’m not overwhelmingly excited about anything at the moment, those I’m still engaging with do provide some pleasure. And some is better than none, right?

I haven’t seen Leo since the date I wrote about. Partly because of bad timing on both our parts, but also because he doesn’t take priority. He’s lovely, and patient. I don’t want to take advantage of that. But I saw other lovers the last week I was free. The next week I’m free I’m seeing Alan one night, girlfriends the next, Clark the night after, and then I’m away on business, returning the day I get my child again for the week.

It’s easy to not stress about dating when I have a few nights alone which I welcome, a busy social calendar with friends and family, a couple of casual lovers, and a couple of romantic men willing to take whatever spare time I have. Right now I need alone time more than another date. Continue reading

I sense real trouble with this one.

I woke up this morning wondering if the hours spent with Sevag last night were a dream. An amazing, intense, wonderful, dream.

They weren’t, but easily could be.

My heart and head are fighting a serious battle; a good one this time. It is so seductive to be romanced by someone who looks at me like he can see into my heart and soul. I actually think he can.

He has sussed out truths about me without my explicitly sharing information that would allow this conclusion. Continue reading

Arranging a threesome with my boyfriend. 

No, that’s not fraught with danger.

When I finally agreed to be exclusive with Fox (we had the exclusivity conversation twice), I had one condition: that he be open to occasionally playing with others, together. He accepted that condition with some reservations.

He was worried first about how often I might want it. When I reassured him it was probably a once every couple of months thing, if that, he felt better.

But then, a more serious issue surfaced – what if he tried it and couldn’t perform, or it really bothered him? He was (is?) worried I may not want to continue dating him. Continue reading

Fully integrating into each other’s lives.

“As a relationship progresses you hit milestones.

The last couple of days I feel we hit several. Maria staying at you place alone; me going to your Mothers birthday; chilling playing a board game with Liam.

This weekend to me is a HUGE bridge we are going to cross. Going to your friends country house; me staying overnight with Liam there.

We are becoming a fully integrated couple (if we aren’t already).

I know you asked me to stay over last night with Liam there. I said “no” because of clothes and Maria.

Before this weekend happens, I want you to be certain I am what you want; what you are looking for in a relationship.  Continue reading

My boyfriend is romantic AND dirty.


Yes. He did this ^^

Fox continues to surprise and delight me. There are many things going through my mind about him but I’m struggling putting it into words. I’ve tried to explain it to friends and the thoughts are starting to coalesce – which means you will see them here soon.

But I wanted to share some recent moments with him. Continue reading

Might I have a man choice on my horizon?

I didn’t think I would have this problem. And I’m going to make this post quick because a very wise New Yorker suggested perhaps I write a little bit less and focus on other stuff (he said health, but I’m going to use the found time to get my turntable fixed so I can play the albums my father gave me at Christmas… his ENTIRE music collection).

Last night I was texting Tony a little bit and I sent him a picture…not particularly naughty, but I did think it was sexy. It was of my shoulder, neck, and breast (covered with my hand) showing him that the bruise from last weekend had faded.

He didn’t exactly respond in a manner I thought befitting someone who had just received said photo, so I asked him what he thought and he said: Continue reading

Gentlemen, this is how to get my attention.

I’d had a pretty decent weekend of sexual adventures – no romance, mind you, but some days I will take what I can get. I had a Friday quickie with Jason and a date and some good sex with Shenanigans on Saturday. The crazy Italian was still sending super sexual messages but he was on ignore for the most part. I’d been ignoring about 90% of the messages I’m getting on the dating sites. For lots of reasons which I will talk about in another post. But suffice it to say I get a notice of a new message, open it up, check out the profile of the sender, and usually delete it. The one I got on OKCupid late night on Sunday was different, somehow:

Hi, Nice to meet you – my name is Tony.

Your profile sounds very interesting – I have a young son as well and though he doesn’t live with me I see him almost every day. Continue reading