I had a sore throat on my first date with Bruce. I didn’t think much of it, or better said, I wasn’t going to think about what it could mean. I was still in denial. The day after I woke up feeling terrible and worked from home. I’m a big believer in not coming into the office with a contagion.
We kissed each other goodbye on the Wednesday. I was sick through Monday, when I saw him for our second date. He’d been away and I hadn’t mentioned not feeling well. I didn’t want to sound sickly to a guy I’d just started dating. It’s a sore point – my ex always gave me a hard time for staying home when I didn’t feel well.
We had an amazing date that Monday. The next day he mentioned he was getting a shore throat. I cringed inwardly. I told him I hoped I didn’t get him sick.
But I did.
After his Wednesday night went sideways with work, I was rather eager for our Friday date. We were going to go to an event and I knew he would stay overnight. I wanted the opportunity to keep getting to know him better, and I very much wanted to experience his beautiful cock again.
It would be the perfect send-off to my almost three-week trip with Liam, but it wasn’t meant to be. I don’t regret kissing him on our first date but it denied me a night and morning with him. Bummer.
And for all of you cynics out there, yes, he was really sick. We ended up speaking on the phone for a couple of hours off and on. We had a great discussion about dating and what we are looking for. I learned more about him and how he thinks and feel more secure he’s not a player talking to tons of people.
I’ve deleted the POF app from my phone and am not pursuing anyone else for a relationship. I have time for one man with relationship potential along with the others floating around in the outer circles of casual connections. We’ve been in touch since I left and have spoken twice. Thank goodness for wifi and whatsapp audio.
I hit “publish” by mistake on the previous post. Whoops. I wasn’t going to create a cliffhanger, but those of you who follow me on Twitter already know what I was going to say.
Bruce and I decided to leave my couch and go for dinner. As he moved to stand up I said “ummm can I kiss you before we go?” and he immediately said “yes”, shaking his head to himself as if to say “Bruce you are such a dummy” as he leaned in to kiss me. At least, that’s what I’m hoping the reaction was.
It was as good as the first kiss on our first date. Perhaps better, because it lasted way longer. Continue reading →
I am not happy. I am angry and sad and hurt. I know it won’t last, but rejection in any aggregate form is really difficult. I suppose by now I should be used to the peaks and valleys of dating, but as much as my brain knows it, it still takes my heart by surprise.
First, there was Jack. Thank you, Maggie, for the parable…I’m still carrying him in my head and need to get him out. It hasn’t helped that Liam has been away so I’ve only seen him once in three weeks. My child is a huge help for having my head in the right place.
I was behind on posts about Ray but now I’m sure it’s worth catching up. We had three dates in total and many more conversations. He would greet me in the morning via text and ask to call me to say goodnight. It was nice. He was nice. The chemistry wasn’t mind blowing but it was good enough to keep going to see how things progressed. Continue reading →
Life has been a little hectic the last few weeks. Not just with sex parties and disappointment, but also time with friends and some additional work responsibilities that have made my days far more intense.
I didn’t want to get too behind on writing so I put up two posts about Ray, the one who reached out on FetLife and with whom I had an unconventional but nice first date.
Some of you may have noticed I didn’t talk much about Ray; just how things went down with us. It was deliberate but only so I could get through the date itself. He’s an interesting guy and is yet another man who makes me think through what I want, versus what I actually need, and how the two intersect. Continue reading →
Previous Post | I was so angry I was shaking. I sent Jack a text that said “You’re back on POF? Wow.” Not surprisingly, he didn’t reply.
I tried to call him twice – once right after my text. and then at night. I’d looked at POF again and saw he’d been active again just a few hours prior. So he had time to be on the site but not reply. Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me
Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me back please. This isn’t the time to play fucking games with me.” I knew he used non-responses as control and I was having none of it.
The next morning I woke up to a text he’d sent past midnight saying he’d just gotten home after a long drive and he would call me tomorrow. Continue reading →
Jack and I spoke last week midweek. I’m not sure I will ever speak to him again.
He’d asked for a copy of the dating story about us I’d written for a local paper. We’d had a brief text exchange in which he said “you can text me anytime”, to which I replied given he was so bad at responding with any speed it didn’t make me want to text him. He said he was in therapy and was learning that not replying was a form of control for him.
I called him because I didn’t want my reply to be spread out over the course of several days. I said my issue was that a lack of response was inconsiderate and disrespectful. He sounded like crap. I asked if the therapy was helping and he said he’d had only two sessions so far. He said he’d talked to his ex-girlfriend which helped him process things, but she had little time for it because she had already worked through it. Shocker. Continue reading →
I find the dynamics of group sex fascinating, especially when some of the participants have ongoing “relationships”.
Lewis continues to be an excellent source of hot lovers. I’ve never really known men like him – he genuinely seems to have zero jealousy or possessiveness. Granted, while he and I have some level of affection for each other, it is 90% a sexual relationship.
But even then, in the same conditions – regular lovers over a two year period – I know few men who would willingly and continually share someone when that sharing is quite literally in their face.
Lewis was the next to arrive. He said despite waiting for Bobbie at his place, turns out she needed to come separately. She was parking her car.
When she arrived, I could tell she was nervous. She complimented me on my house and I got her a wine glass for the white she brought. I left her in my kitchen with Lewis and Charles and I went to talk to Todd on my balcony. Continue reading →
So, Jack broke up with me. It’s been a pretty rare occurrence in the past four years, which I suppose makes me lucky. Not that I haven’t been heartbroken, but I usually do the ending it.
I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I hadn’t fallen in love, and I appreciated Jack’s honesty and reasonably early recognition that he wasn’t emotionally ready for any form of relationship. On the other hand, I really liked Jack and saw potential with him, and am frustrated with how things played out.
Of course, I do wonder if he will come to a later conclusion that I also wasn’t the right person for him. I still don’t know if readiness can be forced, or overlooked, for the right person. Continue reading →
After almost 36 hours of complete silence, Jack finally texted me back. I’d sent a text saying “good morning, when can we talk today?” and he replied with “We can speak around 4 or after 10 tonight. Have a great day.”
I didn’t reply with what I wanted to say (“Have a great day? Seriously?”) but simply said, “4 it is”.
It was difficult to focus at work and I resented him for deliberately (yes, it was) leaving me hurt and anxious.
And when I picked up the phone, this is what he said: