Despite all of my progress…

I have Father issues. After my Dad and Mom split up, my Dad went to work in another city for over a year. I was 7 years old, and it felt like forever. I took a plane to visit him once or twice and he wrote me letters.

But despite the relatively short time and connectivity he felt as a grown-up, it was very different for me as a child.

I never really internalized my Father’s love for me until much later in my life. He was the kind of parent who praised me for my good work along with a reminder I could always do better. As a driven professional adult, I appreciate this, but as a child, it doesn’t feel good. It felt like I was never good enough and my Father didn’t love me for who I was.

He had a second child with my stepmother and he became much more overt about his love.

But the damage was done.

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rejected by a date

I’ve regressed a little bit.

I own my good behavior. It’s easy to write about the shit I do that I’m proud off. There’s lots of it, usually. Harder is admitting when I do shit that I know it counterproductive or just dumb.

I’ve done some dumb shit, and I own it too.

I know I’ve learned more from my mistakes than my accomplishments. This is true in work as well as my personal life. When I think back to the guys who really fucked me up over the last few years, those are the lessons that helped me get better at dating and survive what can feel like a constant onslaught of rejection and bullshit.  Continue reading

It's easy to be chill when you don't care.

A few months ago, I came across an article which had me saying “YES. This.” It’s called “Against Chill”.

I am decidedly un-chill. I am passionate and intense and feel deep and fall hard.

But I can cultivate chill. I talk the big brave talk about my dating rules, which 95% of the time I’m really good at following. Like I mentioned last week, I’m rather proudly blasé about not hearing from the Accountant or Mr. Fetlife. Hell, I even totally missed that Mr. Checklist and I hadn’t texted for three days.

Yup. I’m a badass chill cool cat.

Yeah, right. Continue reading

Am I really that forgettable? How not to get a second date.

You may recall my story of my second first-date last week. I called him Mr Checklist. I thought it was a great first date, even if I didn’t get a chance to see how he kissed.

After our date I sent him a thank you and wished him well on his long drive home. He responded he would home shortly. That was Tuesday.

Friday night, in the midst of drinking, hanging out, and talking about my dates with Hy Jones, I realized I hadn’t responded back to his email. “Shit!” I thought – perhaps he thinks I’m not interested.

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I don't think I can have this Friend With Benefits

I write this from the town that Johnny Id and I visited when he was here at the beginning of August. I’m here with my Mom and some close friends.

The stores and places remind me of him. Then there was the man who looked EXACTLY like him sitting on a park bench. My Mom did a double take, as did I. We ended up seeing him multiple times over the course of the afternoon, and were even at the same restaurant for dinner. We’ve passed the hotel we stayed at several times.

I caught myself looking at gifts for his birthday numerous times. Then I had to give myself a shake and remember he’s not talking to me.

It happened more than once. I suppose it’s natural. All I can do is take one step at a time. Continue reading

Why does he like my friend and not me? Episode 3.

I suppose it’s bound to happen.  A close girlfriend of mine, who split from her ex about a month after me, is on a couple of the same dating sites as me.  I live in a big city.  It never occurred to me that our dating adventures would cross paths, but is has now happened THREE TIMES.  Not in my favor.  Ugh.

Although I live in a huge city, I suppose it’s possible that guys will come across both of us because we are both tall and blonde and live in the city and are professional women.  We are also looking for guys with similar characteristics (to a point) so I also guess it makes sense that we may find the same guy appealing.  Sometimes, we would share their “handle” or photo just to make sure we don’t tread on each other’s “territory”.

Yes, I skipped ahead to Episode 3.  Episode 2 is really long and I definitely need to share some of the dude’s texts.  It was kind of crazy and I don’t think I handled it well.  So I’m putting off the embarrassment by not writing about it just quite yet.  Episode 1 is short but involves my old boss and well, it’s humorous so I guess I should get off my duff and write about that.

#3 is probably the one that stings the most.  As my Mom said, “of course it hurts honey, any form of rejection hurts”.  This guy had an amazing profile – tall, handsome, well dressed, smart, professional, funny, has a kid, has his shit together.  When I first joined my second dating site, I found him almost immediately.  He was the first man I emailed on the site.  He never responded….but I could see that he had read the email just never deleted it.  I held out some hope that perhaps it meant he was just taking his sweet time getting back to me.  Never heard back.  His profile disappeared for a while and I never really thought about him again.
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