Some of the experiences I’ve had since my split from Will almost five years ago have helped me understand that relationship better. As you may recall, after falling quickly and deeply in love with him, after we named our first born and I practically moved into his tiny apartment, he broke up with me. Callously.
I didn’t realize it at the time – or couldn’t face it – but after we got back together our relationship was never the same. Perhaps if I’d been more self-aware, I could have fixed it. But I wasn’t, and I didn’t. My core feelings for him, my trust in him, my attraction to him all changed. We went from a lively and exploratory sex life to an almost dead bedroom.
He wounded me more deeply than any other man has. I had fully given him my heart and trust, and months later he told me he “wasn’t feeling it.” Continue reading →
I had some decisions to make. Did I believe him? Mostly. I knew there was a chance he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, but seeing how uncomfortable he was, and the way he told me, led me to believe there was far more truth to his words than lies.
I didn’t write it all out, but I did challenge him on a number of things during our conversation. The most important for me was how it was possible he didn’t feel comfortable with me, given how open I’d been with him about my own sexuality.
Tony and I have had two short conversations about his again-wife finding out about us (side note: yes, she’s his wife, again. I’m honestly afraid if I just call her his “wife” I’m going to get trolled like crazy, and the truth is they were separated when I met him).
In the first discussion, he told me she’d found out about Jamaica. I was confused because it seemed an odd “discovery” at this time, 14 months ago after we went. I asked how it was possible that us seeing each other after the sports game could possibly have led to that.
He was vague. He said “Ann, I don’t want to relive it again right now. There was a lot of screaming and crying.” Continue reading →
I’ve been communicating with Tony this past week. Week one was just a couple of innocuous text messages. I’d been keeping an email in my draft folder to add links and thoughts, which largely kept me from reaching out to him constantly.
I mentioned this in a text – the presence of the email. He asked to read it so before I could edit it, I hit send. He said he would give it a “proper response”. Which was puzzling because it was entirely rhetorical. I had a few thoughts about whether contact with him, even infrequent, would be detrimental. I said at times I wished he’d just get back with Mary so I knew I hadn’t made a mistake.