It’s not about me.

A couple of months ago I’d connected with Bruce again. Probably because I’d texted to see how he was doing. He suggested we get together and then cancelled that day due to a change in his child schedule. It told me nothing had changed with him and there was no point in trying.

We exchanged no texts afterwards. But feeling magnanimous, I sent him a Merry Christmas and happy holidays text. He didn’t reply. Ever.

So in the last purge I sent him a goodbye text. I said I wasn’t sure why he didn’t reply, but I didn’t want to bother him and guessed he may be seeing someone else (it didn’t fit for me that he didn’t reply at all and realized perhaps he didn’t want to tell me).

I told him I had a dating story about us published in a local newspaper and would share it if he wanted to read it. It was the story of me mistakenly calling his wife. I said I wished him the best. Did I need to send it? Nope. But I did.

I then deleted him from my address book, my recents (sidebar: I found men in my recents I haven’t been in touch with for over four years. Recent, my ass!), and WhatsApp. It took a few tries to completely get him out of my phone. I didn’t want to have a weak moment again and reach out – I figured he’d made his lack of interest very clear.

I moved on.

At work yesterday I noticed a bunch of WhatsApp notifications. It didn’t say who they were from, because my phone didn’t know. I figured it was the group chat I have with my brother and others where it’s common for me to have 47 unread messages if they’ve been debating the merits of a certain restaurants saag paneer.

Later when I opened it I saw the following:

Hey Ann sorry
No you’re not bothering me
I would block you if that was the case
Just been dealing with a lot of shit …
I’ve been really …. I don’t know
Depressed I guess is the best way to put it
I mean just being brought to tears for …. no real reason… while at work
Laying in bed at home …
Try to put on a good face for the kids but …. it’s been tough
And …. I don’t know I became a recluse.
Thanks for thinking of me.
Ps it always make me feel horrible when we try to get together and something always comes up… like seriously
I hate that
You have been nothing short of wonderful
And I feel like shit and end up ignoring people because I have nothing positive going on so it’s easier to keep that to myself.
Hope you are well sweetie
And yes if you send me the link to your story …
I’d love to read it
Can’t imagine it’s too positive lol
Ps
That was the first ” booty call” I was ever offered
And yet couldn’t man up

It was Bruce.

I responded that it was nice to hear from him and I was sorry he was going through such a rough time. I knew from prior discussions he suffered from anxiety and depression, and I know how debilitating it can be from my relationship with Will.

He said he’d like to see me. He’s been the funny and sarcastic guy I liked so much. We have plans set for later this week and I’m not holding my breath. Even if we do see each other, I have no illusions it will be anything more than a one-time thing.

But at least it’s nice to know it wasn’t about me, at all.

funerals and wild women

Funerals and Wild Women.

As predicted, my Friday night also didn’t work out as expected. When the contractor made plans with me, he gave me a heads up that depending on his work schedule it may not pan out. Having dated several contractors, I’m now pretty knowledgeable about their work life restrictions, so didn’t expect to see him.

At least he didn’t ghost this time. A long text arrived early Friday morning that he had to work late that night and all weekend. It was no problem. Ann 2.1 welcomes time to write.

I worked late Friday night and left the office only when my stomach told me I should. Zane once asked when I “got off work” and I had to explain it simply doesn’t happen that way for me. I work until what I need to get done is done, but I also often control the schedule and can choose to leave at 4 pm on a Friday and do the rest over the weekend. But not this Friday.

Continue reading

Dinner date with Zane

Wednesday night: declined sex yet again

Something may be wrong with me, people: I had the opportunity to get laid and said: “no worries, I’m tired too.” But, my dinner date didn’t end as planned. Perhaps it’s a phase. Perhaps it’s personal growth.

Nah.

Zane and I had our concert date. He’s not very familiar with the city core and also seems a bit directionally challenged. It’s interesting to me; while I recognize everyone has different skill sets and am pretty understanding, for some reason it’s irritating to me when men I date lack that particular skill. Continue reading

Tuesday night: Lewis, Dan, and right decisions

I enjoyed my two weeks of vacation; I monitored my emails but didn’t really do any work. It was bliss. Until I came back to work and had to deal with the onslaught of urgent things needing to occur this month. I enjoy it, which makes a huge difference – it’s usually good stress.

Tuesday I canceled on Lewis. I worked at my desk until after 6 pm, left to go home to eat with a glass of wine and my computer at my kitchen table. He was working late as well, so we agreed to touch base around 9 pm. While I was close to wrapping up my work then, I simply didn’t feel like getting together with him. I was tired, and wanted to write.

He was fine with it, saying for sure we’d need to have a session next week.  Continue reading

Christmas dinner turkey

The Plumber came over for Christmas, and other stories.

I write this from a country pub on the same property as the small cottage I’ve booked for myself the next two nights. It’s the kind of cottage I should be sharing with a lover or boyfriend. Fireplace, king bed, outdoor spa, indoor soaker tub, fluffy white bathrobes. But despite three men asking if they can join me, I’m staying here solo. Christmas dinner is over and my house (and I) have fully recovered.

I’m here to write. But what I’ve done so far is eat fish tacos, drink a large glass of local Chardonnay, unsuccessfully try to figure out how to import my posts into Scrivener, flirt with my hot bartender, talk to the adorable young couple next to me, and give the female some perspective on her parent’s divorce this summer, after 37 years of marriage. She was bereft that her Mom is already dating someone, who showed up for Christmas dinner.  Continue reading

the new suitor

Zane is interested; I’m flattered

The attention of a new suitor feels amazing. I also need to be careful, since I’m somewhat… um… delicate at the moment. The volume of dating failures this year has hit me hard and I recognize some nice attention may blind me to yellow or red flags.

My desire for simplicity and focus on the right things hasn’t changed. I haven’t suddenly decided I’m getting back in the dating game. But I remain open to possibility.

No matter what, I am certainly not immune to the attention and flattery of a younger handsome gentleman. Continue reading

How to pick up a man at a party

How to pick up a man at a party.

I titled this post “how to pick up a man” but it could easily have been “when a date bails, bring a wing-woman and unexpectedly meet a new guy.”

Todd was supposed to be my date for a holiday party. The hosts were parents at Liam’s school, and I disliked the thought of going alone. I wasn’t sure how many people I would know from the school. All of Liam’s friend’s parents are couples. The winter holidays are one of the few times I quite viscerally dislike being single. Or better said, that I viscerally feel my singleness.

Todd was in town and I knew he’d be a great date. Not primarily because he’s stunningly handsome and attentive… but because he is a gregarious people person and I knew he could navigate a party with ease.

But he’s only a great date when he shows up. Continue reading

The perfect booty call: Lewis

Last Friday, I came home in the evening from some international work travel. It was one of those trips where I leave one afternoon, stay overnight, have an intense work day, then fly home. A booty call was not what I was hoping for.

I had made plans to see a girlfriend that night and canceled. I was exhausted emotionally and physically and wanted to cocoon in my own house.

Dan (the plumber) and I had earlier discussed I could possibly see him after I’d seen my girlfriend. I texted to tell him I’d canceled those plans and why, and if he wanted to come over and hang out he’d be welcome. Continue reading

Dan the Plumber still lives

If you’ve been monitoring my “men in the mix” page you’ll have seen that Dan the plumber is still around. He is an odd duck in a very cute package.

He texts me every morning and every night. He constantly asks what I’m doing – to an annoying degree. We haven’t had sex in weeks. But did I mention he’s cute?

Continue reading

communication

Trying to see Gregory again.

After I’d heard from him that night, Gregory and I texted back and forth a bit. He was hosting clients for most of the day, including dinner. He said it was exhausting. He was complimentary about my talents when I shared a work-related issue. I told him I was off to bed (I was getting a cold and knew I needed to sleep) and asked him if the next night still worked to get together. He said it did.

The next day arrived. I didn’t text him at all during the day – and at 6:30 he texted saying he hoped I’d had a good day. I replied a half an hour later when I saw his text, and then asked if 9:15 pm would work for him to come over.

No response. Continue reading