chemistry and sensual sex

A dinner date for my history book: Part 3

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It didn’t take long after sitting on my couch before we started kissing again. We’d had almost four hours of talking and there was no need for any more.

Luxuriating in a kiss is truly one of life’s great pleasures. There’s a time and place for moving quickly, but this wasn’t one of them. Jack and I had amazing kissing chemistry. I’m a responsive lover: I will often match someone’s pace and style, which is likely why I’m told I’m an great kisser. In this case, we were already well matched.

Jack was slow to take things further. This was not a five-minutes-of-kissing-then-shove-a-hand-down-my-pants experience. He took his time to explore.

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when online dating brings you a good match

When the others fall away.

[Part 3 of our date is coming, but I wasn’t in the right head space yesterday to write it – Jack and I have had a slight communication hiccup (I’m sure that’s all it is) – and I knew it would affect my accurate depiction of the rest of our night together. So here’s a post I’d scheduled originally for tomorrow.]

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It’s the difference between “sure, this is okay” and “FUCK YES”. I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. I did about Kyle, but his unresponsiveness killed it.  He was a “fuck yes” for me, but I wasn’t for him. (And if you haven’t read the Mark Manson article on it, check it out here). Online dating sometimes serves up a great potential match.

When the intellectual and physical chemistry is truly there, all others fall away. And if they don’t, that person isn’t doing it for you.

I hid my POF profile on Sunday. I told the two men I was having conversations with that I was going offline because I’d met someone I wanted to focus on, but if I came back I would reach out. They both replied they appreciated the message and wished me luck. Continue reading

A dinner date for my history book: Part 2

Part One

We drove to the restaurant, talking about driving styles, swearing with our children in the car, and again it was just easy and seamless. The kind of conversation of people who have known each other forever…or who just “click”.

We parked near the restaurant. I didn’t wait for him to come open my door – it didn’t even occur to me. Unlike Fox, I was not scolded. Fox would get super irritated when I’d dare open my own door. I enjoy a gentleman but his rigidity was unattractive.

As Jack and I walked, I noted his shoulder seemed lower than mine, and I wondered whether I was actually taller than he. It didn’t matter – of course I’d like someone taller but it is not a deal breaker.  Continue reading

Intellectual, emotional, and physical chemistry

A dinner date for my history book.

I’m going to preface this post by saying I know 100% that there is no way to know if something is going to work out, after two dates. I know this right to my core.  I can quickly assess intellectual and physical chemistry, but the emotional / behavioral can kill a relationship.

I’ve sacrificed some intellectual and physical chemistry for the sake of strong emotional chemistry, and ultimately that doesn’t work. I’ve found incredible intellectual and physical, just to later experience an emotional mismatch.

But Jack has the potential for all three. I’m over the moon at the moment and am determined to enjoy it. Continue reading

online dating

Some decent swimmers in the shallow end.

I was the new face on Plenty of Fish which always garners more attention, as does being on the site a lot, which I don’t have the time or inclination for. Welcome to online dating.

I didn’t keep track but I’d say about 15 men reached out to me in the first 10 days. A few had messages or profiles which clearly meant they didn’t read mine. No harm no foul. I don’t bother replying in that case.

There were several that sent nice messages but based on my review of their profile I wasn’t interested. I sent them polite “thanks but no” messages. Nobody called me a bitch in response which was kind of a nice change – yeah, it happens.  Continue reading

there's no lack of attention online dating

Balance and patience when online dating.

I’m back online dating on Plenty of Fish and as expected, it has not been without hilarity and offense. Contrary to popular opinion that its filled with bottom feeders, I believe there are plenty (see what I did there) of quality men on the site. After all, it’s where I met Fox and Tony and no matter what happened in our relationships, bottom feeders they were not.

I don’t think the site has changed since I’ve been on there last (a year, maybe two?), but I definitely have. And it makes all the difference in how online dating feels. Continue reading

back in the online dating shallow pool

I jumped back into the shallow end.

I think it’s been a year since I’ve been on an online dating site. I don’t count AFF because that was about something else.

But this weekend I decided I needed a distraction from Kyle. I also figured it wouldn’t hurt me to dip my toe in the water and see how it felt. I got tired of it quickly last time – surviving a couple of days on OKCupid and a few weeks on Bumble.

So I unhid my profile on Plenty of Fish. A site I’ve avoided for a while, but it’s where I met Shenanigans (still there!), Fox (not there; still dating the woman he met right after me), and Tony (better not be there!).  Continue reading

A picture of a tall man for texts

Kyle’s 5 day postmortem.

Monday was the date where Kyle said he’d like to see more of me, and agreed he would try to be more responsive to texts. I figured it would be good for me to write about how things go with him, to help keep me honest. Not that I’m not honest… but it’s easier to ignore a reality I don’t like when it’s not staring me in the face.

Hy and I share a quirk which I find interesting – and it’s about how we perceive time. I’ve written about this in relation to Tony and I don’t think I got my point across very well. I’m not sure exactly why this is, but I tend to think more time has passed than it has.  Continue reading

post-breakup with Leo

I’m cold-hearted.

Before I broke up with Leo, we’d arranged to go see a sporting event together to which I had tickets. When we broke up, we agreed to still go as friends. Classic breakup mistake.

Awkwardly, it was supposed to be the night I went on my date with Kyle, so when he asked me, I worked it out with a friend who had tickets to the game the next night to switch – which worked better for them anyway. I simply told Leo I needed to change the date – and turned out he had the date wrong anyway. So the comedy of errors was resolved without incident and I made myself free for Kyle.

Leo and I have had little contact since the breakup. We haven’t seen each other nor talked on the phone. A few text messages here or there. He’s had some illness in his family so it was mostly about that. Continue reading

When time evaporates. 

Knowing he was likely in meetings all day, I didn’t bother trying to make plans with Kyle in advance. Despite a bad track record, we’d confirmed the previous day and we agreed to sort out the specifics the day of.

He knew I was going to see my personal trainer after work and I’d be free at 6pm. We’d agreed to meet in our neighbourhood (we live about 10 minutes apart) and to the time, so other than the place, there wasn’t much to confirm. Therefore I waited until I was leaving the gym to text, and we had the following exchange:  Continue reading