I was fed up with the bullshit of recent events. It got so bad, my personal trainer, hearing a new disaster or story every week, asked me if I played the lottery because my luck was so bad with men it had to be good elsewhere.
So one recent night, bolstered with a bit of liquid courage, I said “fuck this shit”. If I really wanted someone in my life, I needed to seriously get back in the game. I had opened my Bumble profile a few weeks prior and it was lackluster so far – quite literally, nothing to write about.
I already had open profiles on Coffee Meets Bagel and the League, both which took about 5 minutes of effort each day to say whether I liked the one or two men they served up, and yielded absolutely nothing. Continue reading →
I created a fake profile on Plenty of Fish. The reason was singular but it matters not. The profile served its purpose, but I experienced something completely unexpected. What attracts men, anyway?
This is one of those situations where I don’t really know what to make of what happened. It has caused me to question things I’ve told myself, and I’m curious what you think.
I created a profile of a 39 year-old woman. She was pretty but not stunning, but had a very hot body. There were four pictures on her profile. The main profile picture was her in a small bikini walking out of the ocean and smiling, in dark sunglasses. There was a closeup of her face, smiling, and two pictures of her outdoors. None were selfies and they didn’t show cleavage. Continue reading →
I shut down my OK Cupid profile and my just-recently-opened Plenty of Fish profile. Bumble went down as well, after sending a note to just one man telling him I wasn’t unmatching him and giving him my number in case he wanted to reach out.
It’s not for lack of messages. If I only wanted to men to take me out for dinner or have sex I’d be golden. But I’m ultimately looking for a boyfriend. So as I’ve said for a long time now, I don’t engage with every man who comes along. And I don’t mind the bad, rude, crass, or simply inane opening messages. I don’t mind hearing from 21 year-olds who swear I’m the hottest thing they’ve seen. It’s just noise and sometimes the messages are amusing.
I wouldn’t even be in this mental place if I’d met some guys and went on some dates and it didn’t work out. I’m okay with either me or him deciding the right dating chemistry isn’t there between us.
But what I can’t stand is experiencing shitty and dismissive behavior over and over again. Don’t like me? Fine. But grow some fucking balls and exit gracefully. Continue reading →
I don’t regret many of the men I’ve had sex with. Certainly not that many in the last three years; just one. Unfortunately I have to add Doug to the list, I’m afraid. It’s not a strong regret but simply – it was sex I could have done without.
Doug is being set adrift.
After our first date, I knew there wasn’t long-term potential. There were too many divergent interests, attitudes, and behaviors. But he was fun and I could see perhaps spending a few rowdy nights hanging out on his boat. Continue reading →
Clark wanted to get together on Sunday but I said no. Not for lack of physical desire (sex just stokes the internal fires), but I’d had my emotional fill of cock that week. He has been pursuing me, asking when we will see each other. He is single and keen for “good pussy” (Lewis’s words).
I’m seeing him on Monday along with Lewis. Maybe with a bonus (third!) dude and the woman from before. I’d be happy to have all three men at my own disposal but perhaps that makes me greedy. Fuck it, I don’t care.
I am seeing Jake on Friday. When in my latest “screw it I’m filling all my time with girlfriends” phase I booked time to see a close friend for dinner. Jake will come over afterwards in what I’m sure will be a repeat of our last date. I’m okay with that; we’ve discussed setting another date with more time together. Continue reading →
Jake’s profile had appealed to me for a few reasons. It was well written and honest and had intellectual depth. He was tall and bulky and while not conventionally attractive I liked his look. Obviously, I liked that he’d followed up with me each time I came back online.
He asked me when I wanted him to come over with a bottle of wine. I told him I didn’t lead with sex anymore and perhaps we could go out for dinner. He was good with either but reminded me we’d already had sex and he knew we were both sexual people.
At some level I believed it wouldn’t make a difference with him. From the beginning, I think he was more like Jason and Andrew, where even if you have sex with them early they still see you as relationship material.
I actually was so irritated at the men on Bumble who swiped right then ignored my messages that I sent them all a goodbye message, telling them I was deleting the app and it was too bad we never got a chance to talk.
Totally ridiculously passive aggressive and useless. I do know this. But it made me feel better. Continue reading →
Mr. Fetlife hadn’t responded to a text for several days, and the Teacher who was super keen ended up not being able to make any date work before a two-week vacation, so he was out of the picture.
The Accountant was being kind of creepy. He and I had pretty much stopped texting. He didn’t ask me out again, but if he had I’d decided to give it another chance. But then he came across my profile on Adult Friend Finder and his interest was reinvigorated. He messaged me there and on OK Cupid. He started texting me again.
He told me he’d taken my AFF profile pic (it’s half in shadow), lightened it, and said I looked great. It felt creepy. Continue reading →
Art reached out to me on OK Cupid. We were a 97% match – and as I’ve written before, that means something. It is not the fake “matches” you get on Plenty of Fish which are the people who messaged you and who you viewed. These are based on questions you answer (in my case, over 1,400).
He seemed cute in a nerdy way. His profile – not surprisingly, given our match percentage – appealed to me. He was open about the stage he was at and refreshingly honest. His messages were lucid, funny, and flirty.
We moved to text and it continued to be good. There was friendly and witty banter. He asked me whether he’d been nicknamed yet (how does he know women do that?!) and where he lined up in my set of suitors. He told me my honesty was refreshing, but his was as well. He liked my answers to the sex questions on OKC. He was intellectual.