Relationship past its expiry

The danger of continuing a relationship past its expiry

I haven’t written about Tony in a while, and it’s been deliberate: there’s not much to say. But I’ll say some things anyway.

He still hasn’t moved back in with his wife (I’m going to drop the “ex” because really, what’s the point). He still hasn’t put notice on his apartment. He’s still not sleeping there on a regular basis – a few times at most. He’s still not having sex with her.

And before you roll your eyes on the latter – they aren’t. They didn’t before. Like my marriage, it was essentially sexless. But ultimately it doesn’t matter because he’s on a path to going back to his marriage; that’s the intention he’s set. Continue reading

Passing a chemistry test.

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The next morning around 10:30 Drew sent me a text: “Good morning.. Hope your having a great day so far”. We texted off and on throughout the day, and feeling positive that seeing him two nights in a row wouldn’t be weird, so I told him if Wednesday might not be able to work I was happy to see him that night. He was keen but needed to sort out work – he’s in a creative industry much like Tony where his schedule is rarely known in advance, nor is when his day ends.

It didn’t work out, which was completely fine, and he was very appreciative I was chill about it.

He sent proactive texts that day and the next. I asked if he was still good to get together that night and he told me he “would love to see” me. It felt nice.  Continue reading

Civility shouldn’t be rare. Or, why I almost cried twice in 24 hours.

I’m on a plane flying home from New York, where I’ve been the last several days. It was wonderful but I always look forward to getting home after too many nights in a hotel room. A breakfast of bacon, eggs, some toast and coffee should not cost $35 US.

I did not seek a debaucherous vacation, nor did debauchery find me anyway. As you know, sometimes it comes to you. I am however sporting four very large hickeys on the front of my neck, with no concealer to be found. But that’s not the reason I’m writing at the moment.

My level of patience and optimism with my dating life has been cyclical – right now I’m in a place where the lack of common decency shown by so many gets to me. It’s not just my experience, it’s those of my friends as well.  Continue reading

Rules are made to be broken. Sometimes.

While I posted my new dating rules just a couple days ago, they have been in effect for longer. And you may have noted I said I have different rules when it comes to sexual exploration. Which I’m not pursuing with the same intensity, but it’s still something I’m interested in. Especially since I’m not going to sleep with someone on the first date – a rule I didn’t even write!! – I have to get it somewhere.

I have two stories to share with you:

1) Your kinks are not my kinks

The first occurred at the tail end of my no-contact time with Tony. A woman reached out to me on FetLife saying she and her boyfriend of a year had broken up and he spotted my profile on FetLife and was intrigued.

While skeptical at first, once I established she wasn’t full of it and he was a real guy, he and I started emailing. He was clear he wasn’t looking for a relationship but he’d be open to just having one ongoing sexual relationship. He was HOT. So I figured why the hell not, and although I was ill I agreed to meet him for lunch. He knew I was sick and agreed to meet me anyway.

He was charming and funny and intelligent. He ran his own business. But what drew me in were his completely luscious lips and bedroom eyes. Shallow but true.

I wanted to fuck this man…so that’s what I did.

Not for the first time, the words going through my head during our afternoon delight were “dude, your kinks are not my kinks”.

Turns out, I’m not so much into tit slapping. Or holding my mouth open so he could fuck my face. Or him just holding my mouth open to look inside. Or his small cock that he didn’t even really fuck me well with.

I spent time masturbating after he left, so as to be satisfied.

I got him sick. Shocker. We texted for a few days afterwards. I wasn’t too upset when he politely told me as much as he loved our time together, he had met someone else he was going to focus on and didn’t have time for two. I said quite honestly I was impressed he took the time to say that, and wished him all the best.

Sidebar: He left a very dark and obvious bruise under my nipple. I had to use concealer the next day when I met Tony. Thank goodness Tony didn’t disappoint, and did pretty much the exact same thing to my breast, which prevented me from getting busted.

2) Why are the hot sexy smart ones super long distance?

I modified a few of my stories from this blog and posted them on Reddit. I was curious what kind of traffic it would drive to my blog, and what the feedback would be like. The feedback was 99% positive, and it drives traffic to my blog but barely any followers.

I had some men reach out to me with private messages. They were flirty and complimentary. One lives in New York and asked me out; perhaps on my next visit.

But one guy stood out from the rest; he’d just gotten out of a long-term relationship and they were swingers. He wrote thoughtful and interesting messages. We took our conversation from Reddit to email.

He sent me a picture. Fatal flaw for asking, Ann… fatal flaw.

Of course, he’s tall, dark, handsome, fit, well endowed, intelligent, and we are definitely sexually aligned. And over 2,000 miles from where I live. Dammit.

So yes, it’s 100% in violation of my rules. There is so little point engaging with someone long distance. I’ve done it before – and yes, of course, it was a wonderful romance while it lasted. It is also asking for so. much. trouble. Especially since he knows about the blog and has read a thing or two over here (hello, my handsome friend).

He wants someone to talk to. He wishes there were people he could tell everything to – and we’ve talked about my experiences blogging and how wonderful it’s been for me. I told him I’m happy to talk about pretty much anything with him but I don’t want to hear the details of his sexual exploits. I’m fine to know – for example – that this week he has three dates lined up with women he’s met online – and one has to be careful to not squirt every time she cums.

That’s enough information for me.

His ex was taller and heavier than me so he completely understands I don’t want to hear about the little Thai woman he fucked last week. One of the few sexual things I can’t be is the kind of woman a man can hoist around his hips and fuck her against a wall. Well, perhaps an incredibly strong basketball player. But I haven’t met any of those.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen with him, if anything. He is nice enough to say good morning and goodnight, and we text occasionally throughout the day. I’d be intrigued to meet him but in some ways that would make things much more difficult if we did have an amazing connection. He’s just come out of a relationship, and I would  ideally like to be in one.

What I’m not doing is getting ahead of myself. At all. For now he’s fun to talk to, sends fantastic cock shots (although I’m just as likely to ask for face or other parts), and I’m okay with breaking my rule for him.

Wall construction is temporarily halted due to worker confusion.

Tony now has a section on my Lovers page, if you need to read the back story.


Saturday night I sent a text saying goodnight, after some back and forth texting throughout the day. I heard nothing all day Sunday from Tony. Or Monday morning. It was hard to not leap for my phone every time I heard a ping.

The girlfriend I was visiting helped talk me through my anxiety and feeling like I was about to get bailed on. Again. Even though my gut told me he was different. We talked through different scenarios, and settled on the same one as some of you lovely readers.

It was likely he just needed a bit of space – consciously or unconsciously. I split a year before he did – his is still relatively fresh. He’s in a different place. He had just recently put himself up on the online dating site. I know I was his first, first date. It’s also possible I was the first woman he’d slept with since his split. Continue reading