This one is going to be hard to write. This guy gets the blue ribbon for sex – probably the best yet (Ariel is a close second). I really liked him. He liked me too but it was not meant to be. I’ve learned something from this – as I try to with all the experiences I’ve had. Namely, that you can have a good physical and mental connection but if they aren’t ready for a relationship, ready to let you in to their life, there is nothing you can do about it. Timing is everything.
I met him in early Nov when he reached out to me online. He was one of the bumper crop. I was debating getting off the naughty section of the dating site but I met him there. His first note to me was intelligent and a bit saucy but respectful. Well punctuated. Which many of you will know is rare indeed. Over a few days we exchanged long emails, establishing that we were both on that part of that site because we wanted someone who was sexually open and adventurous, but not because we wanted just sex. Continue reading →
I can’t drink like I used to. The one cocktail, one bottle of proscecco, two glasses of red wine, and tequila shot that I drank shockingly aren’t sitting well today.
Last night, I was supposed to see Naked Ironing Man. I know, I know, I should let sleeping dogs lie… but last Friday night, after a particularly frustrating exchange with the 30-year-old-shenanigan, I reached out to him via text. I told him that I would love to see him if he was available, and that I understood that he wasn’t prepared to give me a lot of his time. Turned out he was free. Continue reading →
Subsequent to my re-starting my “relationship” with Naked Ironing Man (NIM) (read about it here) I knew I wanted to see him whenever I could, but to not get hurt every time he cancelled on me. I wasn’t sure if I could find that balance. Wasn’t sure if I could have more pleasure than pain out of trying to build something with him.
Timeline was as follows, in case you are having a hard time sorting it out: I reach out to him spontaneously on a Friday in mid March and we agreed to meet (part of the post above). Afterward, I did a decent job of playing it cool – suggested a date that might work – and we settled on the following Friday to meet. He bailed. What happened afterwards is the rest of the post above.
Friday night comes. I’m so sure he will cancel. I meet a girlfriend after work and she comes with me to the game. We have a lovely time and I feel better that I took her because honestly, girlfriends will never let you down in the same way. And when I think about my priorities, girlfriends rank higher than getting laid by dudes that will end up disappointing me or hurting me.
He hasn’t bailed (yet). I told him to keep an eye out on his phone because I’ll likely be done by 10pm. Turns out I’m ahead of schedule. Since he lives close by to where the game was, I text him and offer to stop by his place and we can take a taxi together to mine. He says since I’m a little ahead of schedule he needs 30 minutes and can he come to my place later.
My friend thinks this is annoying. I agree. I say it’s a micro example of the kind of shit that happens with him. But I’m very excited that he hasn’t bailed. Continue reading →
So my friend lover NIM, as I’ve said, is consistently lacking the “being there for me” category.
I try not to be a nagging harpy because a) it will have the opposite impact, b) he is who he is, and c) I should accept what I can get from him.
One night, a couple of months ago, he asked me “what can I do differently for you”? I told him I needed him to communicate with me more. I noticed a very minor uptick in the volume of his email and text messages to me. At a later discussion, I told him I felt like I was bugging him because I was the one who constantly initiating text exchanges each day. He told me that he’s like that with everyone…he feels (ironically) that he is bugging people when he reaches out. I said, in no uncertain terms, that I needed to hear from him. I said: Continue reading →
By pain-free, I mean my heart. I wish I could just leave behind all the shit and all the men that cause me to cause myself pain.
^^ I chose those words carefully. In some cases, there is no intent on their part to cause me pain. It just happens.
Like this morning.
I take public transportation to work. Depending on where you live, you might call it the tube / metro / commuter train / subway. Whatever. I have only ever once run into someone I recognized from dating sites and he was a bailer who I had never met, so it was more funny than anything else. Continue reading →
I like muscles. Broad shoulders. Tall and broad with muscles, like my former lover Naked Ironing Man, I’m putty. Johnny’s ass and legs were still the best yet. Sigh.
Move along, brain…
This Tinder match was 6’3″, handsome, and fit the muscular criteria. He had the annoying working-out-in-the-gym selfie, but none of us are perfect. I read his profile and it seemed intelligent. It mentioned work and travel and extracurriculars. I swiped right. Continue reading →
For almost a decade I have had a theme party every winter. It was the one social event that Will and I hosted.
I continued the tradition in my new house. I also took advantage of my new-found freedom to have a party a quarter, with varying themes (and no, I don’t mean costumes…they are things like “sausage and nuts” or “summer wine”). I love to entertain, love to be a great host.
This party has played a part in two of my past relationships, and will hopefully be part of a third.
Naked Ironing Man’s last-minute cancellation helped spawn my first breakup with him. I was so looking forward to his meeting my friends, and vice versa. While I knew he wasn’t the right guy for me, an unwillingness to participate at all in my life was a non-starter. Continue reading →
After some hopefully-not-statistically-significant sampling of both older and younger lovers, I developed a strong preference toward guys closer to my age. It is still true today that my best lovers were all around 40. Faraway Lover and Naked Ironing Man were over the top amazing, and they were both 45.
I wrote this post in response to the often repeated comments that I should take a younger lover. While I might educate a lover on the things I like, I’m not so keen on teaching them how to locate a g-spot.
As one of my good friends would say, “the younger ones are relatively useless in bed, but so pretty”.