Thank you for your patience while I dealt with the end of Fox and was sidetracked briefly by Shenanigans.
Back to Tony, figuratively and for the moment, kinda literally.
A few weeks ago, on the day I was set to leave on my vacation, I received a text message out of the blue from Tony. It was a picture from a local sporting event and a reference to a page number from a newspaper. No “Hey Ann”. Just the pic and the page number.
My immediate thought was – well that’s awkward; must be a mistake. I texted Hy and she sagely commented that after over two months, I wasn’t going to be high up on his text history. She said with certainty it was no mistake.
So I just said “hey Tony…was that text meant for me?” Continue reading
What a crazy shit show the past few weeks have been.
As angry as I am that Fox betrayed my trust and violated my privacy, for what turned out to be for most of our relationship, it’s alright, ultimately. I learned things about him that may otherwise have taken a long time to uncover.
I don’t regret anything I’ve written; but I do realize I’m sometimes punchy with my comments and sure, cavalier in moments. It wasn’t quite accurate to say he doesn’t interest me on any level, for example.
But I stand behind every single thing I’ve said and done. If I had the chance to do it all again, I would still not have told him everything about Tony. I didn’t cheat on Fox, and I didn’t want to tell him anything that would hurt him unnecessarily. If it was me, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to know that the person who came before me had the best chemistry ever with my boyfriend. No way. Continue reading
As you may have read a little over 12 hours ago, I was set to meet Fox this morning to give him his stuff (at his request). Pyjamas, a sweater, a KISS t-shirt, theater tickets. I included a little gift I’d bought for Maria when I was away.
He had requested there be no “scene”. He wanted it to be very transactional – here’s your bag, here’s your book, goodbye.
Of course you know that’s not how it went down. Continue reading
So much to write about, but being over 40 it would seem that drinking way too much and not getting enough sleep does some serious damage. I’m still recovering from my wild Friday night.
But before we get to that, I want to write about Fox and where things are at. Yes, I will get to Tony and Shenanigans, but first things first.
As I said a few days ago, Fox and I spoke again earlier in the week. I reiterated that I needed actual space and time; meaning, I didn’t want to be in regular contact with him. He said he understood. Continue reading
I’m not particularly fatalistic. I don’t believe the things that happen to me are all guided by some supreme being.
But there are times where I do wonder what the universe is trying to tell me.
This is one of those times. Continue reading
A week ago, I told Fox I needed space and time to think. At the time, I told him he’d forced my hand: had he not freaked out, I would have been relaxing into our relationship, giving it time, and sorting my head out.
But since he broke up with me, betrayed my trust, and said some pretty shitty things in the process, I wasn’t about to get back together when I was unsure.
I told him that last week in our long phone call. I don’t want to get back together with him just to continue to have doubts, and then break up with him. If I’m going to take him back, then I need to know I’m choosing him, every single day. Continue reading
Maybe I should have written about this right after it happened; much of our dialogue has faded in my brain and only nuances and snippets remain.
It was the best conversation because it actually flowed. There was inquiry and engagement. Back and forth. Some laughs. We were honest with each other.
We spoke for almost three hours. Continue reading
First of all, thank you to all of you who have reached out to me offline to see how I’m doing. It’s been a rough 10 days and I appreciate all of the support. It’s been especially amazing to hear from those of you who don’t comment normally; maybe I should password protect posts more often!
All of the breakup conversation had happened via text; hence the whole story (other than my internal dialogue) can be told in those four posts.
The only exception was a brief and crackly voicemail Fox left me on Sunday afternoon which said (as far as I could tell) “Ann, I love you…I’m so sorry.”
I told him I needed time to think, but on Monday midday he texted to ask if there was “any point to talking and meeting”. I said: Continue reading
I made my blog public again. Fox and I had a long conversation yesterday and I believe he will not read this blog again; he knows how badly he messed up in that regard. I will write more about our conversation in the next day or two.
If you missed all the drama, start with this post.
For now I will password protect the four breakup text message posts. Just in case he does come back to visit. If you aren’t Fox, feel free to email me (via my Contact Me page) and ask for the password. Easy peasy.
We aren’t back together. But I haven’t said goodbye forever, either.
Thank you for supporting me through this.
For the breakup prelude and texts, start with this post.
This is the final post on this for the moment. It’s weird to post five things in one day but there’s no point in making anyone wait for any of this.
My Mom sat with me until mid day on Saturday. I had long-standing plans to go out with some girlfriends; the timing couldn’t have been better.
So I stopped texting for the most part, but found his change of tone rather unsettling.
By now you’ve probably read how the texting ended. I still haven’t responded back and am thinking through what to do. That’s actually not entirely true; I know what I need to do but am getting my head around it.
My Mom sent me an email about Fox and our relationship which I found pretty insightful. Thought I’d use her words instead of mine, for a change. Continue reading