As predicted, my Friday night also didn’t work out as expected. When the contractor made plans with me, he gave me a heads up that depending on his work schedule it may not pan out. Having dated several contractors, I’m now pretty knowledgeable about their work life restrictions, so didn’t expect to see him.
At least he didn’t ghost this time. A long text arrived early Friday morning that he had to work late that night and all weekend. It was no problem. Ann 2.1 welcomes time to write.
I worked late Friday night and left the office only when my stomach told me I should. Zane once asked when I “got off work” and I had to explain it simply doesn’t happen that way for me. I work until what I need to get done is done, but I also often control the schedule and can choose to leave at 4 pm on a Friday and do the rest over the weekend. But not this Friday.
I do feel quieter, mentally. It’s all relative, I suppose. I still wake up with thoughts of lost friendship and lost potential, but it’s the exception, not the rule. I don’t miss online dating. I’d left one app on my phone called Inner Circle – it’s new-ish and proved to be completely useless: only two men in my city on the app over the age of 38, my height or more, with a college education and children. TWO.
If I removed the “children” requirement there were maybe twenty.
A 28 year-old tall handsome professional reached out to me. He said he loved older women and I seemed to be exactly his type. He was interesting and articulate and figured I had nothing to lose by responding. We texted back and forth for a week. He flaked on a date we’d booked for tonight and I didn’t care one bit. Continue reading →
Last Friday, I came home in the evening from some international work travel. It was one of those trips where I leave one afternoon, stay overnight, have an intense work day, then fly home. A booty call was not what I was hoping for.
I had made plans to see a girlfriend that night and canceled. I was exhausted emotionally and physically and wanted to cocoon in my own house.
Dan (the plumber) and I had earlier discussed I could possibly see him after I’d seen my girlfriend. I texted to tell him I’d canceled those plans and why, and if he wanted to come over and hang out he’d be welcome. Continue reading →
I slept terribly the last few nights. Normally I’m asleep not five minutes after my head hits the pillow, and I sleep through the night. Issues with relationships fill my mind.
Last night I woke up multiple times. My head was spinning. I’m cycling through so many emotions. Being familiar with the change curve intellectually only helps me to recognize what I’m going through. It doesn’t make going through it any easier.
I think y’all have figured out I have a big brain so I won’t be modest in this moment. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have the capacity to think the way I do. It’s not always a blessing. Continue reading →
After I’d heard from him that night, Gregory and I texted back and forth a bit. He was hosting clients for most of the day, including dinner. He said it was exhausting. He was complimentary about my talents when I shared a work-related issue. I told him I was off to bed (I was getting a cold and knew I needed to sleep) and asked him if the next night still worked to get together. He said it did.
The next day arrived. I didn’t text him at all during the day – and at 6:30 he texted saying he hoped I’d had a good day. I replied a half an hour later when I saw his text, and then asked if 9:15 pm would work for him to come over.
I’m so bad at this part, I know it: dating communication gaps. I do a good job of leaving my anxiety where it belongs – on this blog and with my close girlfriends – but it exists and it drives me bananas. It’s not logical, it’s not really reflective of how I think about things, but it’s definitely a deep-seated trigger. I’m reading about attachment styles to understand it better.
A new commenter said – unfairly, in my opinion – that things are always the man’s fault with me. This is a case where I would argue Gregory has done nothing wrong. We’ve had one date and a bunch of communication since. He doesn’t have to reach out every day and I would never request it at this point. Hell, if there’s one thing I understand, it’s being busy.
But it doesn’t change the fact that a gap in communication triggers me.
While it was very early days with Gregory, it was a good a time as any to clear the stable of men to make some room, both mentally and physically.
Late the next morning, Gregory messaged me with the text from his friend who had failed to deliver the Veuve Cliquot as requested. I was so pleased he even thought about it, I wasn’t fussed. And even better, I liked that he had talked to his friend about me.
He told me he had totally restrained himself that night in my kitchen. I loved it on two fronts: that he found me appealing, and that he had some self-control. He said he didn’t want to scare me off, and I told him it was good he now knew it was an unwarranted fear.
Which immediately had me thinking about what would happen the next time I was alone with him. Continue reading →
The morning after my first date with Gregory, I was excited. It was a nice change to have had such a great intellectual and physical connection, with a man who seemed to be on the ball and in contrast to some of my recent experiences, well-balanced. Lots of commonalities to explore.
Even my Mom hadn’t seen any red flags in her internet searches.
I told myself to chill out and take Gregory as he comes. Given what I had been experienced with John, I was keenly aware there is reasonable excitement at potential, versus the crazy-town reaction of expecting everything is going to work out. I was determined to not give any impression I was like John. Because I’m not. I had no idea what potential we actually had.