dumb ways to get a woman back

Alan and the cheese.

I like wine and cheese. Along with kissing, they provide some of my life’s greatest pleasure.

I guess I served Alan some great cheese (not uncommon) because he’s used it as the rationale to reach out to me three times since I broke it off. Well, he used other methods as well to try to see me again, the most memorable being a naked mirror selfie of himself with a hard-on, wearing a Trump mask.

Yes, you read that right.  Continue reading

Period sex, exclusivity, and a boyfriend.

I’m writing this on my phone, on the beach on the sun, whilst Leo is playing beach volleyball 100 metres  away. Apologies for any mistakes…I will fix them when I’m at my computer again.

We are on Day 3 of 5. It’s been very nice so far.

My body failed me and decided to start my period the first day of our trip. I knew there would be some overlap but was expecting it to be wrapping up by the start. Leo said he didn’t care, thank goodness. But menstrual cramps and having to jump to the bathroom to take out a tampon as a man starts to put his hands down your pants is super annoying. Continue reading

He found my blog and broke up with me. 

Yup. 

Ironic that with two blogging mistakes under my belt I’ve never been found out, but a man who I trusted with the knowledge that I blogged has violated that trust.

Of course he’s hurt. He read things nobody would want to read. But he promised me he would never seek it out, and he did it earlier today. Why? He said he felt the relationship had “run its course” since he’s been saying since Oct 12 he needs more than I’m giving him.

So, he was hurt, and he violated my deepest trust.

That fucker.

The irony is my Mom arrived for the advice session literally the moment I got two long and vicious emails from him. I told her it seemed my decision was made for me. She and I talked for three hours today. I’ve always maintained you know the measure of someone when they are angry and stressed.

I don’t like how Fox measured up in this. 

I noted his IP address so I could see if he comes to the blog again. He spent almost two hours reading before sending me those texts. I went private for the moment. If any of you are willing to mention to our joint readers that I’m fine, just dealing with a bit of a crisis, it would be most appreciated. The irony (again) is I was supposed to do the same thing for Madeline today.

Oh, and I heard from Tony last week right before I left on my trip, and 5 minutes before I got the messages from Fox I explained to Tony I was dating someone and couldn’t see him.

I think the universe is fucking with me.

Feeling the weight of a very good situation.

I’m entering into a bona fide serious relationship with Fox. It feels good and makes me nervous all at the same time.

Why nervous?

With great power comes great responsibility. That’s why.

The good stuff is pretty obvious. I feel adored and accepted and desired. Fox knows the whole me and likes me. For a sexually bold, adventurous, and highly experienced woman who has no intention of slowing down, this is a big fucking deal. Finding a man willing to see the Mom, executive, and insatiable slut? I know he thinks he’s the one that’s hit the jackpot, but ssshhhhh, it’s actually me. Continue reading

I hurt my labia. I am a dumbass.

I’ve written before about the things I’ve used to masturbate with when I’m away from my usual arsenal.

On my current vacation I packed my favorite (and first) vibrator from Jimmy Jane. But is that enough for me? Nope.

I was particularly horny earlier this week and took advantage of some alone time to have a few self-loving sessions. I improvised by adding something else to the tools I was using.

It was metal and therefore, naturally unyielding. It may or may not have had a crimp in the bottom to seal it. It was, in hindsight, a bad choice. Continue reading

I invited the wrong man to a party

Let this one be added to my list of f*ckups, which notably include pooing during a threesome, sending my ex husband an email from my blog address, and forgetting to check my chin for hair (who knew?!).

My “boyfriend” Tony is away for 13 days. I’m determined to keep myself busy so I’m not concentrating on the fact that I haven’t heard from him since he left. Also, now that Will is back home and will soon be taking Liam on a week-on week-off basis again, I’m starting to re-engage with life and make plans with friends.

Earlier this week I texted the Comedian, who has been away practicing for a show he’s in. I hadn’t heard from him in a while but was wondering how it was going. Turns out, he’s back in my city. Although he didn’t reach out first (classic behaviour over the last 28 years) he asked when he could see me. Continue reading

31 days of FMF!?

I try to find new blogs to read on a somewhat regular basis…I follow an interesting comment or gravatar and worm my way through the blogosphere. I usually don’t know how I end up where I do.

I happened upon this sweet looking woman who was going to have 31 Days of Threesomes! Cool! That sounds totally sexy and interes…

Oh. Continue reading