You can train for Axe, but not for kindness.

Life has been a little hectic the last few weeks. Not just with sex parties and disappointment, but also time with friends and some additional work responsibilities that have made my days far more intense.

I didn’t want to get too behind on writing so I put up two posts about Ray, the one who reached out on FetLife and with whom I had an unconventional but nice first date.

Some of you may have noticed I didn’t talk much about Ray; just how things went down with us. It was deliberate but only so I could get through the date itself. He’s an interesting guy and is yet another man who makes me think through what I want, versus what I actually need, and how the two intersect. Continue reading

I’m angry for me, and the sisterhood.

Previous Post | I was so angry I was shaking. I sent Jack a text that said “You’re back on POF? Wow.” Not surprisingly, he didn’t reply.

I tried to call him twice – once right after my text. and then at night. I’d looked at POF again and saw he’d been active again just a few hours prior. So he had time to be on the site but not reply. Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me

Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me back please. This isn’t the time to play fucking games with me.” I knew he used non-responses as control and I was having none of it.

The next morning I woke up to a text he’d sent past midnight saying he’d just gotten home after a long drive and he would call me tomorrow. Continue reading

dating rule breaker

Breaking rules like the dating badass I am.

Previous Post | Yes, I’m a rule breaker sometimes, even when the rules are my own. But this time, it paid off.

We had planned to go out – I wanted to take him to a great river walk a few minutes from my house. If we were getting along, I knew we would have dinner. And we’d already talked about our views on first date sex.

He was running a little behind and I was so nervous I started pacing. I was so hoping it was good in person because it had been lovely talking to him on the phone.

I’d wondered if he’d show up empty handed like so many men before him.  Continue reading

Group sex relationship dynamics.

I find the dynamics of group sex fascinating, especially when some of the participants have ongoing “relationships”.

Lewis continues to be an excellent source of hot lovers. I’ve never really known men like him – he genuinely seems to have zero jealousy or possessiveness. Granted, while he and I have some level of affection for each other, it is 90% a sexual relationship.

But even then, in the same conditions – regular lovers over a two year period – I know few men who would willingly and continually share someone when that sharing is quite literally in their face.

But Lewis gets off on it.  Continue reading

MFMFM group sex

Just another MFMFM

If you told me 5 years ago I would have a night like last night, I would have said you’re insane.

I had anal sex for the first time at 18 (but never again for many years). I had two threesomes by my last year of College. My ex husband was the first to fist me, at 25. So while I’m not sure it’s all that rare (surveys about sex are notoriously unreliable) my point is I wasn’t entirely vanilla before my split.

But this seems to be a whole other level. 

Lewis introduced me to Todd the first time for a threesome. For last night’s adventure, Lewis brought a woman he’s played with twice. Todd invited another male friend, Charles.

Three very tall, very fit, handsome and hung black men. All happened to wear head-to-toe black. There was a lot of muscle and gorgeousness in my kitchen at the same time.

Due to Todd’s delayed flight and Lewis waiting for Bobbie, Charles was the first to arrive. I was completely disarmed by his handsomeness. So much so, I was giddy. I’m usually pretty chill but there was just something about him that set me off-balance. It was similar to when I first met Todd. Charles had a warm smile, an easygoing vibe, and was ridiculously easy on the eyes.

We got drinks and went outside to talk. He asked how I met Clark and Todd. He told me the only reason he said yes to Todd’s invitation was that both he and Clark spoke very highly of me, said I was awesome and had a “great energy”. He was big into that.

I told him I liked his energy too.

I said: “Ummm… before ‘all this’ starts I was hoping to ask if we could, um…”

He interjected “…Can you kiss me?” 

“Ah, no, that’s not what I was going to ask. But I like that idea… erm… I was going to ask if you’d like to see each other again?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

He gave me his business card and I put it on my fridge then went back outside to join him.

“Can I kiss you now?” I asked with a huge smile?

He answered by stepping forward, wrapping his arms around me and leaning in to touch his lips to mine.

And holy hannah, it was electric.

Whatever I had expected – a blunt instrument, for lack of a better term – turned out to be the precision of a Stradivarius. 

It was slow. The moment our lips touched we paused. There was no movement, only delicious anticipation, then an ever so slight increase of pressure. A small movement so more of our lips touched. A sigh. 

I was shocked. This was not the kiss of a guy focused solely on getting laid. 

We broke apart and both said “wow”. I may have giggled and asked to do it again. We did, and it could have been 5 minutes or 20.

“Yo A!” came the shout from my kitchen. It was Todd, making his presence known. Charles and I broke apart again and bounced (literally) into the house to give Todd a kiss.

It had begun.

the universe sometimes provides what you need

I may be dropped, but I bounce.

So, Jack broke up with me. It’s been a pretty rare occurrence in the past four years, which I suppose makes me lucky. Not that I haven’t been heartbroken, but I usually do the ending it.

I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I hadn’t fallen in love, and I appreciated Jack’s honesty and reasonably early recognition that he wasn’t emotionally ready for any form of relationship. On the other hand, I really liked Jack and saw potential with him, and am frustrated with how things played out.

Of course, I do wonder if he will come to a later conclusion that I also wasn’t the right person for him. I still don’t know if readiness can be forced, or overlooked, for the right person. Continue reading

Hiccups and tears.

Perhaps I spoke too soon.

Is it normal to have relationship hiccups so early? Misaligned behaviors or communication styles which cause friction? I’m hard-pressed to think of men it hasn’t happened with. Leo, perhaps… but only because he was a very responsive communicator and generous with his time and attention.

It’s the stage of dating that can really suck – when you know enough about someone that you know you want to spend more time with them, but you aren’t secure enough in how they feel about you, and how you are with each other, and you aren’t a priority in each other’s lives yet.

Continue reading

How long before I say its over?

My Dad asked me how long it takes for me to know someone isn’t right for me, how long to assess relationship compatibility? A pretty good question, frankly.

I talked about how I know within minutes how good the intellectual chemistry is with someone. On the positive extreme there was Tony and now Jack. We have that elusive quick-witted and humorous banter. On the other extreme are men with whom the conversation is forced or dull. I can make a conversation happen with anyone, but I don’t want to have to do all the work.

It’s similar with physical chemistry. The very good and very bad are sussed out during the first kiss. I also know whether any first-time sex awkwardness is due to needing to learn each other, versus terrible physical chemistry. Continue reading

Jake, not Jack

It had been many months since we’d seen each other. When I activated my profile on Plenty of Fish, he was there. I was a bit surprised since I figured his contribution to our mutual fadeaway was having met someone else. He sent me a short message and we quickly established the fade wasn’t deliberate on either of our parts. He thought I was no longer interested, and I told him since he’d left my last text message hanging and never reached out again, he had moved on.

Wrong.

He’s a parent as well, so finding a time to meet is never a slam dunk. But we settled on a date to go to a sporting event together, and when he expressed dismay at having almost two weeks to see me, we agreed he would come over one evening as well.

I have always liked his physicality. He’s a tall man at 6’3″, and is also big. He’s broad shouldered and bulky. He’s gained some weight and ironically perhaps is the same weight as Leo, but his physicality is so different it didn’t literally or figuratively get in the way.

He greeted me with a big messy kiss. I didn’t remember his kisses being so… wet. It got better throughout the night but I’ve got to say, if your partner needs to wipe their mouth and face after a kiss, tone it down.

He’d told me he hadn’t had sex in a while, but I still expected a little more conversation before he wanted to go upstairs. But I was happy to be in the capable hands of a good partner. 

I’ve said before about Jake: he’s got the right mix for a casual partner. He’s a technically proficient lover, and he’s also sensual and emotional. He’s not the fuck-and-leave type. Nor does he want to sleep over. He loves to please his partner, and I’m quite willing to be on the receiving end.

The sex was great. I was reminded that someone’s weight is not necessarily a predictor of their physical capability. Where Leo could only handle one position and only went down on me twice, Jake expertly moved me from back to front, took me from the end of my bed with him standing on the floor, made me squirt, cum from oral, and the list goes on.

We missed our sporting-event-then-sex date because I was felled with a migraine. I thought perhaps he would come over just to hang it and perhaps increase my blood flow (it helps with my migraines) but he chose to spend time with his son instead.

Shortly after, Jack asked for exclusivity and I said yes. 

I let Jake know via text (I don’t think we’ve ever spoken on the phone):

Hey Jake – hope you had a good week and some fun planned for the weekend?

I wanted to let you know I met someone I met on POF who prefers to date one person at a time… he may have some potential so I’ve agreed to do that. Figure I will know pretty quickly whether there’s anything real with him…

But it does mean I’m not going to mess around with anyone else in the meantime.

I know you’ll understand and I do want to keep in touch if you’re okay with that.

He was totally cool with it. We both know it could happen with either of us and I appreciate him being chill instead of weird.
He said he hoped it would work out for me. Which is the sign of a quality  dude, given he’s perhaps permanently losing a lover.

I choose well.

dating Jack

Starting to settle in: dating Jack

The conversations with Jack are starting to meld together. It’s the problem when living my life outpaces my ability to write about it. I’m going to try to get caught up with this post with our dating status.

We had the kind of fourth date made necessary by single parentdom: a late night visit. It was a three-act play similar to the third date: a drink on my couch with lots of conversation, moving to my bedroom for some good sex, and then talking far too late into the wee hours of the morning.

This time, instead of waiting for me to suggest it, he asked to take me upstairs. I liked it.  Continue reading