I’m popular because I made a f*ck machine

I was playing around with Google Analytics today and doing some blog maintenance. While I knew “making a sex machine” and its derivatives is often one of the top searches that gets people to my blog, I didn’t realize how often.

Over 39,000 times – since I switched to self-hosted last Spring. I know that post gets around 120 hits a day, so seems right.

It’s funny – it drives my site traffic but not engagement. People don’t hang around and read my story – they are looking for instructions.

I re-read the post today and it still makes me giggle. Because really, it’s ridiculous. The box has sat under my bed since the time I tried it. The reciprocating saw hasn’t been used. Somehow I think if I tell Leo, he’ll try it.

Here’s the post link: Making my own f*ck machine.

Breaking a two-week dry spell with Fox

Perhaps it’s not exactly a dry spell when I was on vacation (and managed to hurt my labia during masturbation) for just two weeks, but it was even longer since I’d seen Fox.

We had been in regular contact during my vacation, sometimes texting throughout a whole day. We had two long FaceTime conversations near the end of the trip. He commented he felt like he knew me even better, liked me more, and he had opened up even further.

We finally started to talk about the things which interest me – his history, interests, attitudes. It’s as if he needed to trust me to get past the surface discussions I found so dull. I’m glad I was patient.  Continue reading

I hurt my labia. I am a dumbass.

I’ve written before about the things I’ve used to masturbate with when I’m away from my usual arsenal.

On my current vacation I packed my favorite (and first) vibrator from Jimmy Jane. But is that enough for me? Nope.

I was particularly horny earlier this week and took advantage of some alone time to have a few self-loving sessions. I improvised by adding something else to the tools I was using.

It was metal and therefore, naturally unyielding. It may or may not have had a crimp in the bottom to seal it. It was, in hindsight, a bad choice. Continue reading

The story of my masturbation journey

This post chronicles a bit of my masturbation and sexual history. Upon re-reading, I chuckled that I didn’t want to mention how many men I’ve slept with, because of course I later wrote three posts listing every. single. one. (which makes me realize I should probably start post number four).

I’m surprised every time I read another bloggers story and its similar to this – stopping masturbating during an unhappy marriage. People are still shocked when I tell them I had a sexless marriage (defined as less than once a month).

But I turned it ALL off. And now that’s it’s back on, it’s still going with a vengeance.

My Masturbation Journey

If there was any doubt as to the power of cookies…

Because I searched online for reciprocating saws to make a sex toy (that I ultimately bought offline), now these saws are cropping up everywhere. In searches, and my Facebook feed (which I’m rarely on).

I know from the work I do that cookies are used for all sorts of things, including to create relevant advertisements online. But this one really makes me laugh.

Like those who said after reading my post they won’t ever look at reciprocating saws the same way (or cucumbers, which I’ve also ruined for some), now I’m reminded constantly of the box under my bed.

For example:

No, that’s not the right attachment.

 

I made a sex machine

Getting drilled. Or, making my own f*ck machine.

If you found this link looking how to make one a sex toy, keep reading. If you’re also curious how a divorced, over 40 year-old Mom got to this place, making sex toys from reciprocating saws? You may be interested in reading more of my blog. Check out my home page or go to About Me to read my story. Enjoy!


I’m starting to think perhaps I have a real problem. I am out of my mind with sexual desire. And the good-but-not-always-amazing sex with Tony just stokes an already out of control forest fire.

Several months ago I read a fellow bloggers post about making a sex toy, and I wanted to do it. And not just any sex toy. A fucking machine, basically. The day I read his post I bought a critical attachment off Amazon for $7 USD.

The ingredients? Continue reading

Part Two | Getting stoned, having a nipple orgasm, and opening up

Previous Post

I had been warned in advance but it was still a rude awakening – literally – when Tony’s yelp of happiness at the right team scoring a goal jolted me awake.

It was only 7am.

While we crashed early the night before, I could have used a few more hours of rest. But I was unable to get back to sleep. I grabbed a sweater and padded downstairs, otherwise naked, to join him on the couch. It was the first football game (American translation: soccer) I watched with him. I curled up with my head on his chest and wrapped myself in a blanket.

We chatted here and there but mainly I just watched him watching the game. I could tell he was distracted – it was worse than the night before. I asked him if he was alright and he explained the fight with his ex was still weighing heavily. I knew more than to pry. Continue reading

Getting stoned, having a nipple orgasm, and opening up | Part One

It was not a usual date for either of us. I went straight from the airport to Tony’s house. I was hungover and exhausted. Since Wednesday I had non-stop work and social engagements, and not a lot of sleep the last two nights. But I desperately wanted to see him.

Tony wasn’t in the greatest frame of mind either. He’d had a huge fight with his ex that day, and was also exhausted.

But we persevered. Shortly after I arrived he asked if I was hungry. I wasn’t. He was, so of course I said I would go out then anyway. He said he had to run an errand first to see a friend. My hopes got up that perhaps this meant I was going to meet one of his friends. My brain said “yay! I’m a real girl in his mind!”

Nope. Continue reading

I'm cursing my libido right now.

While things are good with Tony (who right now is on a solo trip for a few nights) I haven’t seen him since Sunday night.

This may not be a problem emotionally (although y’all know I want more time with him), but it’s a problem physically.

Pretty sure I’ve mentioned my libido is damn high. I’ve been accused of being a nymphomaniac and insatiable. The latter I believe, the former I’m not sure I know enough of the technical definition and right now don’t feel like looking it up.

All that to say, I want to get laid pretty much all the time.

So, I have this great guy who can see me once a week and maybe twice. This is not enough. Continue reading

My mind is a jumble of naughty and heartache

I’m sitting in my vacation spot, outdoors, where it’s a bit chilly. I’m warming myself by a firepit. Listening to what I’m sure is a wedding party, and debating how uncouth it would be to crash. I’m also not wearing a bra, but am sporting a white shirt and realize that I’m a bit nipply.

As I think about what to write, there are many things going through my head right now.

The first (not foremost) is that my masturbation is getting naughtier. I find myself on occasion DP’ing myself. Is that odd?

Sheesh. Okay, here I am asking the internet if DP masturbation is weird. I guarantee that for every kink or idiosyncrasy, there is a community here. Continue reading