Note: all of the communication below is in text form, not in-person dialogue. I just didn’t bother putting the whole thing in Italics.
I wrote about hearing from Ian (now known in my circles as “Mr Ambiguity”) on Mother’s Day while I heard nothing from Tony. I did hear from him that afternoon, he wished me a Happy Mother’s Day and said he hoped I had fun with Liam.
At about 5pm that day, I texted him to confirm he was coming over around 9pm. I heard nothing. Two hours later, I simply texted “??”. Nothing.
I was exhausted, and decided I wasn’t going to stay up waiting to hear from him. I was asleep before 9:30 at night.
I may not have the flow of this conversation exactly right, but you’ll get the drift. One of these days I will get smart and record them in all of their glory.
Tony told me his Mother is very sick and he found out right before he left on his trip.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I wish there was something I could do.”
I was torn between my gut telling me he been lying and god-knows-what telling me that kind of lying – to me! – was impossible. So I asked some questions to try to get a sense of the truth: Continue reading →
If I try to hammer out 1,000 word posts (my usual) and not have any cliffhangers I think my head will explode. I’ll have too much building up in my brain without writing it down. The only way I’ll be able to update on Ian / Tony / new first date guy is to just write in smaller chunks based on the time I have.
Prior to seeing him yesterday, it had been 2.5 weeks prior. We were supposed to meet the night he ended up being hospitalized. A few days later he came over and I remember feeling that something was just… off.
I’m learning through all these dating experiences that I pick up on far more signals than I am aware of; however knowing what they mean is the key.
Sevag’s first message on OK Cupid was thoughtful, honest, and customized for me. It was, frankly, as perfect as any opener could be:
“Yes we are a match 🙂 According to OK Cupid, 96%. Great! Your profile is very interesting and I would love to hear what changed or made you change for the last two years. Sounds like a conversation over a good bottle of red. 200k songs in your iTunes library? I thought I was a music fan, my library has only a couple of thousands 🙂 But I can tell we have the same taste and I would love to explore that. I must say I am excited (maybe I should hold my horses for the first message, but I am who I am) and I would love to know more about you. Sevag”Continue reading →
Yesterday I couldn’t keep it in anymore and had to tell him how I felt. You can read about it here if you haven’t already. I had gone to work and between meetings was reading comments and realized there was just so much more brewing in my head.
I had to get it out, so I just started typing. All the things I wanted to say to him but had never dared. The things I needed him to know. And probably most importantly, the things I know have to change for me to continue in this relationship with him. Continue reading →
He came over after Liam fell asleep, to exchange presents and sleep over.
He’d asked me that afternoon if I could “dress for him”: my tennis shirt, his favorite bra, a specific shirt.
I was worried his gifts would be all sex related and they weren’t. He’d put thought into what I might like: handcrafted tonic for amazing gin and tonics, gift certificates for a customized sports jersey for my favorite team, a double ended dildo that enters me and allows me to peg him without a harness, thigh high socks for a fantasy look.
The socks were presented first, added to my outfit, and finished off with my high top Converse chucks. He admired the view as I bent over to put them on, grabbing my hips and dry humping me from behind. Continue reading →
We’d just fucked and were lying spent on our hotel room’s king bed for the third or fourth time that day. I had been drinking steadily since 10am, wasn’t drunk but had been lightly buzzed for several hours.
I don’t recall how it happened or why I felt compelled to talk, but I did. I don’t remember everything we said because I didn’t have the luxury of taking notes afterwards so as not to forget.
I think this is the longest I’ve gone without posting anything in a long time. There are many many words in my head but they just haven’t come out yet. After all, I was with Tony for six days, through yesterday afternoon, and goodness knows I couldn’t write in front of him.
I don’t really know where to start, and it won’t be right now. But I will tell you I didn’t manage to get through my vacation without telling Tony some of what was on my mind. As usual, there was no resolution with him. Just some explanations and discussion. But not the words I really needed to hear.
I need to make this quick; I’m due to be somewhere with family pretty soon.
Earlier this week, after I’d asked Tony if I could see him that night and he said it would be awkward, he told me he was going for dinner with someone who works for him, that someone’s wife, and… Tony’s ex.
Oh? I said. Why are you doing that? Doesn’t he know you’re not together anymore?
Tony and I had made tentative plans for him to join me at a friends art gallery where there was an artist opening. But I knew it was unlikely given what he had said the day before.
It was okay, although it would have been nice for him to join me. I had seen him that morning for coffee and a kiss. I was going to go to the show either way. I am getting better about going ahead and making plans that work for me, and if he can fit it, great.
I rushed home from work to get changed. Unable to get a taxi, I ended up driving. Tony sent me a text saying he wasn’t feeling well – stressed and tired – and wasn’t going to join me. We texted back and forth a bit while I was on my way (for what it’s worth, only at stop lights).
I was having a great time. Tony later sent a text saying he was feeling better.
And in hindsight I realize that’s when my mental trouble started: I presumed it meant I would perhaps see him later. Continue reading →