a threesome with two stallions

A very thorough f*cking.

I’m sore in many places, from my core to my ass. And by ass, I mean anus ;), thanks to a particularly awesome threesome.

I have been thoroughly fucked, perhaps in the way only possible when you’ve had two lovers tag team you for hours.

If you don’t know that pleasure, add it to your list now.

I have seen both Lewis and Clark since my injury, but only once each and not together. Continue reading

Leo and I figure things out.

The trip with Leo had my head spinning. I sat on the plane, watching the sunset, listening to music, and turning things over and over. What was it I really wanted, why wasn’t I content, could anything be done about it. What did I say to him, if anything.

Sometimes things are clear for me in dating and I only need to figure out what I want to say.

But with Leo it wasn’t as straightforward. On the plus side, I knew he was trying. He is a solid family man, a good dad, and has close friends. He’s self-confident and kind. He was chill about my blog and seemed to have no issues with my sexual history or even my current ask to be non-exclusive. None of these are qualities to be taken lightly.  Continue reading

I’m one delayed response away from being a cynical bitch.

I haven’t missed the bullshit of dating.

I briefly reinstalled Bumble after breaking up with Leo after our vacation, less because I was serious about trying to find someone new than simply to see how it felt to put myself back out there.

It was boring. Men who can’t find anything to ask other than “hey what’s up” and “how was your day”, men who swipe right and reply once, just to ignore you afterwards, men who are not interesting at all. Men you like who don’t like you back.

I was somewhat relieved to find wasn’t bouncing right back into it.  Continue reading

I’m in a weird – but good – place. 

I need to keep this quick because it’s WAY past my bedtime. 

I’m away for work again, another short stint. A conversation with a girlfriend last night got me thinking, and after dinner at her place I decided to walk home to clear my head and hopefully my sinuses. Because yeah, I got my kid’s cold. 

While my head stayed stuffed up, some things became clear.

I really like not having to answer to anyone, and am enjoying my personal freedom at the moment. I almost titled this post “I’m a raging slut” but then realized a) that’s not my core message, and b) “slut” is such a judgy word, and I’m cool with my actions. 

It occurred to me yesterday I have three casual lovers, all black, hung, and super hot, and I’m very lucky for it. They are infrequent lovers, especially Todd, but Lewis and Clark are around enough given how busy I am. 

What is so different for me now than three years ago is I am quite content with the pace of their communications. They reach out when they can and I genuinely don’t notice when it’s been a few days between texts. I’m not fussed. We know exactly what the deal is with each other, and are content with the status quo.

I also have a man who is very keen on deepening our relationship, and who so far has proven to be okay with my blog-big-reveal and the knowledge we aren’t exclusive. Leo and I have seen each other a few times in the last few weeks and it’s been nice. It’s lovely to have someone desire me the way he does. It’s good spending time with him, and I’m not expending much effort worrying about whether it will work out.

Que sera, sera.

A guy I met on Adult Friend Finder last summer (or maybe fall?) who I never ended up meeting – he cancelled a coffee date last minute – texted me out of the blue. He said he’d been travelling for the last 6 months and remembered we’d had good conversations and he asked if we could meet for a coffee.

Sure, why not? Perhaps it will happen next week, but if doesn’t, that’s okay too.

I’m not blasé about my interactions – I’ve had times before where I don’t feel much of anything – but I’m chill. I’m enjoying what’s in my direct path, and focusing on friends and family and work. 

I think that’s an okay place to be. 

From theory to practice with Leo.

Leo and I booked a date after our big talk. A full-on dinner and activity weekend date. I was cautiously optimistic.

It was going to be a beautiful day so at the last minute we modified our plans. He came to my house just after lunch and we planned to do a day trip to a nearby wine region, visit some of the quaint towns in the area, and have dinner. If anything was going to be an issue, it wasn’t going to be our itinerary!

Continue reading

Apologies if I confused you.

Thanks to the reader who sent me an email about this, or I wouldn’t have known.

Yesterday, I looked at some of my draft posts, including those about the man I refer to as “He Who Shall Not Be Named” (HWSNBN). I took all of the posts off the blog after some nasty shit went down between us that culminated in the police getting involved.

Anyway, I read one such post, called Intimacy with friends and lovers, and noticed it had some passages quite similar to what I’ve been writing about Leo. I decided to put the post back into “published” status, and did so on my phone, not realizing some of you would get that post via email.

So to any of you who read that post thinking it was about Leo, it wasn’t. Apologies!

Oh, and I also seem to have posted my last post (It’s not him, it’s me. Or is it?) with the wrong time, so not sure it showed up in anyone’s feed. Not my day, I guess.

Period sex, exclusivity, and a boyfriend.

I’m writing this on my phone, on the beach on the sun, whilst Leo is playing beach volleyball 100 metres  away. Apologies for any mistakes…I will fix them when I’m at my computer again.

We are on Day 3 of 5. It’s been very nice so far.

My body failed me and decided to start my period the first day of our trip. I knew there would be some overlap but was expecting it to be wrapping up by the start. Leo said he didn’t care, thank goodness. But menstrual cramps and having to jump to the bathroom to take out a tampon as a man starts to put his hands down your pants is super annoying. Continue reading

When insecurity with one drives me to others.

Leo and I have the same top two love languages: Quality Time and Physical Touch. He’s not stingy with either; while busy, he finds time to see me. I don’t have to beg for his time or his attention. When we see each other, he’s affectionate.

He’s just not very… overt with his praise.

I guess it’s been building within me these last couple of weeks. A need to hear how he feels. I know he likes me, but I need to hear an “oh my god you’re so beautiful” when he’s got his hands between my thighs. Or some proactive statement, of my appeal to him, or where he sees us going. Something.

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There’s a chink in the fortress wall

After the intense yet calming overnight with Leo, I could start to feel… well… to be perfectly honest, the sheer fact I felt anything other than frustration or sadness was wonderful.

There are various men whose presence I was graced with this year, and the emotions I associate with my time with them aren’t overwhelmingly good. Tony was certainly comfortable, but unfortunately most of my energy with him was angry or sad.

The reality is, some the new men elicited brief excitement. HWSNBN was exciting at first, then quickly overwhelming, then was all about fear. Continue reading

Leo is the dark horse in the race

I spent the last thirty minutes reading my Tony posts from a year ago. For all of you who stuck with me, I’m sorry it’s taken me so doggone long to finally move on. I blocked him yesterday – he won’t be able to call or text me. It’s so clear to me now that a conversation with him will do me no good.

So until I will be fine, I won’t do it. Maybe in a few weeks I will think I’m okay, just to find out I’m wrong. Regardless, right now it’s a relief to not have to think about talking to him.

I have other things to focus on.  Continue reading