En Route

I’m writing this from the plane. I thought I could sleep but the adrenaline (and the ability to watch “American Hustle” and “The Book Thief”) have kept me up. Just a little over an hour before we land; our descent has started…turbulence through the clouds. My feelings are all over the map – excitement first, then fear, then wonder. All at the same time.

What will it be like when he walks through that hotel room door? Will he say any more than “hi” before he kisses me? Is he actually the same height as me, and is he as broad shouldered in real life as I imagine him to be?

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The Liebster Blog Award

Hi Everyone; I’m back!  My time with Matthew was awesome.  It’s been a hectic week since I’ve been back and there are lots of posts building up in my head.

In the interim, however, I want to thank Johnny Id, who has nominated me for the Liebster Blog Award.  His blog, Id’s Red Book, is well written and funny: check it out if you haven’t already.  Thanks Johnny!

Here are my answers to his questions (some of which might surprise you). Continue reading

5 Days with Matthew | The feelings

So I’ve talked about the sex and intimacy with Matthew.

Yes, we were naked for most of the five days we were together.  It was lovely and easy and comfortable.  Between having sex, we talked.  Sometimes we wrote a bit – I wrote Sleeping in Separate Beds after a romp.  It didn’t feel like we were texting during a date…it was just an easy break of not talking.  The silences weren’t uncomfortable. I’m usually the person that has to fill all silences.  It takes an effort for me to be comfortable with quiet.

I didn’t shower alone once in those 5 days.  We just hopped in together and enjoyed soaping each other up and making out (it wasn’t quite conducive to sex) and yeah, I shaved my legs when he was there.  I was a bit nervous about doing so but figured that didn’t fall into the “things dudes shouldn’t see because it ruins the mystery” category.  Anyway I have a cool razor that’s an all-in-one so it literally takes about 30 seconds. Continue reading

Please stop beating around my bush

For all of the quick acceleration of dating today – going from “hello” to “let’s meet and hopefully have sex” in a matter of days, if not hours – I have encountered several men online who just can’t get around to asking me out on a date.

The conversations start as all others do – but for some reason they just become endless “how was your day” and “what are you doing now”?   Which gets dreadfully boring after about 5 minutes.  These are guys who have reached out to me, in case you are wondering.  They aren’t just humoring me.

I’m fully accepting of guys who want to ask more questions and get to know me better online before we move to a phone conversation or a date.  But these guys are different.  They don’t ask me anything, after a while.  It’s dreadful. I hate to just go silent…but come on…what do you do when you’re bored stiff and you’ve dropped hints about going out on a date? Continue reading

5 Days with Matthew | The future

To get up to speed on Matthew, please go to the My Lovers page…all the links are there.

We spent a wonderful 5 days together.  It was like something out of a dream. It almost didn’t feel real. Certainly, after I came home, it felt even more unreal.

While I had friends texting me and asking whether we’d had “the talk” and what was next for us, we avoided the topic (me deliberately; I’m not sure about him) until the second last night. I wasn’t sure what to say. I loved being with him, there were no red flags, but he lives thousands of miles away. He has a commitment to living where he is now for at least two more years. Then afterwards – who knows – but his preference is to be a place that’s still very far away. Forget the added complication that he’d like to live in the same country, let alone town, as his daughter (who lives with her mother).

Then there’s me. Continue reading

The lazy person's guide to Matthew & our story

So, by now you know there is a great guy in my life I call Matthew, who lives very far away and we met because he sent me an unsolicited email about one of my posts.  While we captivate each other, he’s smart enough to not want me kept captive.  A special man he is, indeed.

He’s also a blogger, as some of you already know.  If you’ve been reading closely, you know he is Johnny Id, whose blog is Id’s Red Book.  I don’t want to be one of those nauseating blogger couples who just ego boosts all over the place.  But I liked his writing and he made me laugh before I knew he was hot.  So govern yourself accordingly, but I’d encourage you to go check him out and see what you think.

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My blog might be boring for a bit | Or "from open to closed"

I’m writing this whilst on the plane travelling to a big city for work. I went to bed at 2am, woke up at 4:45am for a work call, couldn’t sleep thinking about Johnny’s date, resigned myself to being awake, wrote a blog post, found out Johnny fucked her, completely melted down, talked to him on the phone for an hour, got ready in 15 minutes to get in the car to the airport, went through security lineups, had coffee and breakfast in the airport lounge, got on the plane. Phew.

I’m exhausted. Since I’m rather fair skinned, it shows on my face right away. I can safely say I kinda look like shit. The combination of lack of sleep and crying my eyes out does not do my face any favours. If I had any worry the Model might try to sleep with me, that worry is evaporated now. Continue reading

Other women and abandonment | My conflicts with Johnny Id

I’ve made some new friends through my blog, which makes me very happy indeed. There is an amazingly supportive community here, when you take the time to find it. Some of these friends have been engaging me in dialogue about Johnny, trying to help me sort out why I’m in a funk, how I’m feeling about his upcoming visit (very excited), the future (on balance, cautiously optimistic), closing our relationship (relieved but frustrated), and whether I will want to open it again after he comes to visit.

I sincerely have no idea.

It has been a relief not trying to date, quite frankly. Nice to ignore P (Shenanigans) whereas before, I may have been tempted. Nice to not reach out to NIM. Nice to be able to focus on Johnny, and friends, and work, and my son. Not in that order, necessarily. It’s a bit of a break which isn’t a bad thing. Clears the head. And not having to shave my bikini line all the time is kind of nice too. Sensitive skin, and all that.
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A truly extraordinary man

You may have read the post I wrote on the challenges I’ve had sorting out my conflicts in the open vs. closed relationship debate with Johnny Id.

What you may not have read is what Johnny wrote in response. I was astounded and humbled. The three posts from him are linked below:

1) What is Love Really? Uneven, Pt 1

2) Old Wounds Breed the Deepest Demons. Uneven, Pt 2

3) Learning & Healing. Uneven, Pt 3

I don’t know what we are going to do, or what the future holds for us. I do know this is not a burden for him to bear on his own. But the fact that he would even consider this for me for a moment, speaks volumes.

I look forward to hearing what you think.


Image Source: http://www.howtogeek.com/149973/htg-explains-which-computing-platforms-are-open-and-which-are-closed/

Johnny's Revenge | When is Ann going to write a book?

Yes, I lost a bet. Despite reading this post in advance and not wanting to let Johnny post it here, for so many reasons, I keep my promises. So here you go…this is what happens when Johnny has his way with me. 


Hey, folks, Johnny Id here.  If you aren’t already a follower of mine I completely understand, though you may have missed the bet that I made with Ann this week.  She thought that if I posted a picture of my ass it would generate as much traffic as when she posted her tits.  We decided to make it interesting and bet a guest post on the other person’s blog.  I won the bet, pretty easily.  My ass in no way stacks up against her tits, as I’m sure most of you would guess.

ow, what Ann didn’t anticipate was what I wanted to post here after winning the bet.  Little did Ann know, I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and was just waiting for the right time to post it.  And what a perfect opportunity this is.  Sorry, babe.

Ann did not approve this post.  I only showed it to her after she agreed to the bet.  She is only reluctantly posting it because I won the bet and insisted upon it.  Enjoy!

When is Ann going to write a book?


I am a 40 year-old executive businesswoman living in a big city.  I am also a Mom.

The turbulence in the last few years in my life – involving open marriage, affairs, divorce, a sexual reawakening, online dating – all while navigating equal custody of my son and trying to maintain a good relationship with my ex – has inspired me to put some of my thoughts and experience on “paper”.

I don’t regret my choices.  I’m pretty happy.  I’m not using a dating coach (yet).  I’m not looking to replace my husband and get re-married.  What I am, after a 15 year almost totally sexless relationship, is very keen on fulfilling every physical and emotional desire I have and coming back to life.

Everything here is true and my first hand, un-embellished experience, but the names of those I mention have been disguised to protect the guilty. Enjoy.” – From Ann’s About Me page.

Is that not the back cover of a best seller?  Seriously, I want to read that book.  But if Ann has her way, it might never be written.  Gasp!  In fact, I’m sure I’m annoying the hell out of her for even writing this.  Too bad, babe.  😉

I’ve been telling Ann for a while now that she needs to turn her story into a book.  She could take some portions of it from the blog and fill in everything else.  I’m not saying it would be quick and easy, I know she would take the time to do it right, but I think it needs to happen.  She’s a fantastic writer that has a story to tell and an audience that’s hungry to hear it.

Ann doesn’t think her story would be all that interesting.

I think over 300 people would disagree.  She’s been blogging for way less than a year, already has over 325 followers (that’s almost one new follower every single day), and gets more visits a day than I get in a week.  Less than a year and she’s already had over 23,500 views.  The readership growth of her blog has been exponential.  Obviously, what she’s writing is touching people in a very real way.

Ann went from an unhappy marriage to hot, single, confident, and successful.  Her story is full of heart, courage, pain, happiness, humor, challenges, lots of sex, and ultimately a personal revolution.  That sounds like an amazing book to me.

What about all of you?  What do you think?  Place your vote!  I want her to know how many people are behind her.  Show your support!

— Johnny Id


Image Source: http://frisbeebookjournal.wordpress.com/2012/06/13/dear-blogger-is-there-a-future/