The reason Tony and I can’t be friends.

If you haven’t read about the recent “developments” with Tony, you can start with this post.

I know I’ve said it many times: this blog is extraordinarily helpful for sorting out my crap. I was in a good place with Tony, because I’d blocked him for weeks, successfully. I missed him but it was abstract, and I didn’t feel a pull to reach out or reconnect. When I unblocked him, I experimented with what it was like to be completely reactive – I let him call or text.

It was very minimal contact. It was platonic.

It was a fucking slippery slope.  Continue reading

Welcome to the shit show.

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I hated how much the whole thing with Tony consumed my thoughts. Wondering what happened, how she found out, what their decision was (if any), and what was next.

I knew I may never get an answer. I knew the bulk of my interest was intellectual curiosity. Maybe most importantly, I knew that no contact with him was best for me. I wasn’t tortured at the thought of not talking to him regularly.

I was more upset with myself, at the time and emotional effort I’ve spent the last month or two seeing whether I could meet his need for us to remain friends. It wasn’t going to work, I’ve known it for a long time, but I tried anyway.  Continue reading

Tony got BUSTED, part 2

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Tony and I have had two short conversations about his again-wife finding out about us (side note: yes, she’s his wife, again. I’m honestly afraid if I just call her his “wife” I’m going to get trolled like crazy, and the truth is they were separated when I met him).

In the first discussion, he told me she’d found out about Jamaica. I was confused because it seemed an odd “discovery” at this time, 14 months ago after we went. I asked how it was possible that us seeing each other after the sports game could possibly have led to that.

He was vague. He said “Ann, I don’t want to relive it again right now. There was a lot of screaming and crying.” Continue reading

Tony got BUSTED

I haven’t been writing much about Tony these last many weeks, mostly because there isn’t much to say. I blocked him for a while to help myself break old patterns, then when I unblocked him he started calling.

I answered the phone when he called, and found our conversations frustrating – not because of anything he did wrong. I couldn’t find a happy medium where I could be his friend in a way meaningful to me. If he told me anything about the crap in his marriage, I would get (internally) frustrated because I thought he should be trying. Conversely, if he said something was going well, it hurt.

And bottom line is, despite all of his failings, he’s doing stuff with his again-wife and child that I wanted the opportunity to do. Continue reading

I let him…..me

Friday night found me hanging out with Madeline and three other bloggers – all male. I drank copious amounts of red wine (shockingly, Madeline and I hated all three of the sparkling wines the wine bar served). We talked about blogging, life, dancing, how to get a Greenland view on ones blog, music, and anything else that came to mind. About pet peeves of bad writing and people who lack self awareness. Fashion and relationship advice may have been passed on. Jokes were told.

I made some new friends.

It was a wonderful fun evening which again reminded me how much I live to make connections with others. Will was so different from me in that regard.  Continue reading

Why not just cheat like everyone else?

That’s the question of the day. I was supposed to see Tony on Friday but he ended up working until well after midnight. Then it was supposed to be tonight… tonight looked like a good chance, he said.

No word from him all day. I know when he’s working sometimes it’s like that. At 6pm I checked in and he said chances were slim: less than 25%.

FUCK.

As much as I am trying to be all chill about not seeing him, and as much as I know it is good to have some time and space, at times like these I most certainly DO NOT like it at all. Continue reading