Yes, I took him home. Yes, we had sex; a few times. Yes, it was amazing. Yes, he slept over, we woke up together, had more sex. I got lost in the warm of his furry and strong chest.
But there was no talk of what it meant, of what it changed, if anything. No questions about my status with Fox. It just was what it was.
Later that day as I slung a heavy bag onto my shoulder, I was reminded of the bruise there, left by his teeth. I like that feeling, and I told him. Otherwise, we didn’t communicate the rest of the day or night.
I wanted more of him. I wanted to lose myself in his sensuality and our connection and just be with him. I wasn’t thinking about what it meant; if anything, I knew it meant nothing other than we wanted to spend some time together. Continue reading →
A week ago, I told Fox I needed space and time to think. At the time, I told him he’d forced my hand: had he not freaked out, I would have been relaxing into our relationship, giving it time, and sorting my head out.
But since he broke up with me, betrayed my trust, and said some pretty shitty things in the process, I wasn’t about to get back together when I was unsure.
I told him that last week in our long phone call. I don’t want to get back together with him just to continue to have doubts, and then break up with him. If I’m going to take him back, then I need to know I’m choosing him, every single day. Continue reading →
Cara asked me if Tony and I had broken up or if we are on a break. It’s a fair question.
I have to think about it as a break up, from a brain / logic perspective. I need to move on, date, assume I will never again rest my head on his fuzzy chest. I need to try to not think about what he’s doing or who he’s doing it with. I know some of his issues are situational but many are just who he is. He’s not worth the aggravation and pain and all that. And he probably doesn’t love me the way I think he does – inertia is strong with him and perhaps he just couldn’t be bothered saying he didn’t feel that way about me.