That first coffee date…

Sevag’s first message on OK Cupid was thoughtful, honest, and customized for me. It was, frankly, as perfect as any opener could be:

“Yes we are a match 🙂 According to OK Cupid, 96%. Great! Your profile is very interesting and I would love to hear what changed or made you change for the last two years. Sounds like a conversation over a good bottle of red. 200k songs in your iTunes library? I thought I was a music fan, my library has only a couple of thousands 🙂 But I can tell we have the same taste and I would love to explore that. I must say I am excited (maybe I should hold my horses for the first message, but I am who I am) and I would love to know more about you. Sevag” Continue reading

The fastest fuck ever.

After our first brief coffee date, which wasn’t a date as much as pre-screening, I explained to Sevag while I had Liam for longer than normal, perhaps we could find another time for coffee or a quick after work drink.

He was very keen to see me again. He told me he could still taste me on his mouth, and he liked it. That he was entirely distracted with thoughts of kissing me – and more.

We spoke again on the phone at night and had another nice long conversation that covered multiple topics. He was easy to talk to.

He sent romantic texts, speaking of how much he already missed me, how much we had in common, and how much potential he saw. Continue reading

An early Valentine’s present for Tony, and one for me: realizing I’m fine

I have been talking to Tony off and on in the last three weeks since we broke up. The first week, there were gaps of two or three days before some brief text exchanges.

We’ve spoken on the phone twice, neither conversations about us as much as continuing to update each other on our lives.

In the heat of the breakup, I bought him a Valentine’s Day present. Yes, I could argue with myself about the necessity. But I won’t. It was a gift of opportunity – he and I had been talking about ties, Hermes ties in particular, and I found a vintage Hermes tie with a cactus pattern. Continue reading

I sense real trouble with this one.

I woke up this morning wondering if the hours spent with Sevag last night were a dream. An amazing, intense, wonderful, dream.

They weren’t, but easily could be.

My heart and head are fighting a serious battle; a good one this time. It is so seductive to be romanced by someone who looks at me like he can see into my heart and soul. I actually think he can.

He has sussed out truths about me without my explicitly sharing information that would allow this conclusion. Continue reading

Intellectual, physical, and emotional chemistry. 

It’s been two weeks since I met Sevag. Only two weeks, even though we’ve seen each other more than ten times in that time frame. Is that like dog age dating? Each week is like seven? Perhaps. Even so, I’m challenged to explain (to me, to Sevag, and to my friends) how there are some things which just feel so right and so perfect, and others I’m still wary of.

I was at a sporting event with a close friend this week. I told her some of the things he’s told me, like “I’m falling in love with you, Ann”, and at first she, like everyone else, scoffed at the sentiment and his presumed impulsiveness. “Who could say such a thing so soon?” is the common refrain. I didn’t defend him other to say we did have a strong connection and he speaks from the heart.

Then later, I mentioned where he was from. He’s middle eastern, for those who have asked. Continue reading

Intimacy with friends and lovers

I’ve been thinking a lot about intimacy. How we build it, and what happens when its destroyed. How we simultaneously can want it, and shrink from it.

It can be fucking terrifying, yet freeing.

Many people were surprised I would spend a weekend away with someone so early in our relationship. I wanted to see what it would be like. What he was like, and what we were like together. It’s hard to be only on your best behavior for four days. And given his early declarations of love for me, I was very keen to suss out whether my gut was wrong: could he actually be needy and in love with love? Continue reading

i quit online dating

I didn’t even last a week online dating.

It has been over a month after the final blowout with He Who Shall Not be Named. While I feel different and very tentative about dating, earlier this week I thought why not just open up my dating profiles again and see what happens.

The last time, I met someone who seemed awesome pretty quickly. Given my dating rules, online dating doesn’t take up much time or energy. It’s pretty low stress. I know we had debates here whether I was ready, but it wasn’t a big deal to me.

Continue reading

first date kiss sporting event

A kiss shared with thousands | my first date with Ian

Ian from the beginningPrevious Post

He paid for dinner, and we went to the game. He didn’t lead me by the hand but was mindful of where I was in relation to him, as we threaded our way through the crowd.

He knew a few people we passed on the way, working the event. He stopped to chat with each of them and introduced me as his “friend Ann”. It was nice to get the opportunity to see how he interacted with other humans. He was polite and kind and just a touch awkward – not knowing how to close off a conversation seamlessly to let them let back to work.

I found it endearing and real. Continue reading

not just a first date kiss but oral sex on my couch

A kiss shared with thousands | Part Two

Part One

After the game he took charge and knew exactly which direction he was taking me. We walked with the crowds and after a few minutes I asked where we were going.

He said since we hadn’t had dinner yet he thought we could get food. I was game.

We held hands the whole way. He took me to the neighborhood where he has his downtown flat. He chose a restaurant which happened to be a favorite of HWSNBN’s…. Shit. Continue reading

rejected by a date

I’ve regressed a little bit.

I own my good behavior. It’s easy to write about the shit I do that I’m proud off. There’s lots of it, usually. Harder is admitting when I do shit that I know it counterproductive or just dumb.

I’ve done some dumb shit, and I own it too.

I know I’ve learned more from my mistakes than my accomplishments. This is true in work as well as my personal life. When I think back to the guys who really fucked me up over the last few years, those are the lessons that helped me get better at dating and survive what can feel like a constant onslaught of rejection and bullshit.  Continue reading