what attracts men

A depressing experiment.

I created a fake profile on Plenty of Fish. The reason was singular but it matters not. The profile served its purpose, but I experienced something completely unexpected. What attracts men, anyway?

This is one of those situations where I don’t really know what to make of what happened. It has caused me to question things I’ve told myself, and I’m curious what you think.

I created a profile of a 39 year-old woman. She was pretty but not stunning, but had a very hot body. There were four pictures on her profile. The main profile picture was her in a small bikini walking out of the ocean and smiling, in dark sunglasses. There was a closeup of her face, smiling, and two pictures of her outdoors. None were selfies and they didn’t show cleavage. Continue reading

Some rules are made to be broken.

It started with a simple status update on FetLife, a site I haven’t been active on in eighteen months. I’d gone to reply to a message from a photographer who wanted to do a photo shoot with me and noticed I still referenced Tony in my profile.

I must have shown up on search results because within 24 hours I received several messages from men. One stood out:

“Loved your profile, I like women who enjoy being shared, double penetration, gangbangs. I don’t post much on my profile, I am somewhat old fashioned in this regard, I like approaching someone I consider interesting. Continue reading

Wading through shallow waters to find a deep end.

I hid my bumble profile again, leaving it open only to those who have connected with me. I got bored and tired of the interactions, and the few conversations just withered. I haven’t missed it.

After talking to Hy Jones, I decided to see what Adult Friend Finder had in store for me. Some of the most awesome and accepting men I’ve met came from the naughty section of a dating site I joined when first single, or from FetLife, and Hy swears there are men looking for similar things as me on AFF.

I’ve been pretty lucky to have met a number of men who are sexually open and interested in exploring. Even Fox surprised me with his kinks and interests. Maybe I bring it out in men; I suppose it’s possible. But certainly there were a number who were not my sexual match in the slightest. Continue reading

stand up interracial sex in my kitchen

A good kitchen f*ck

We hadn’t seen each other since the night of the fantastic MFM threesome.

He has been relatively silent and when I inquired as to the reason for his absence, he attributed it to busy weekends with his daughter and a busier than normal work schedule.

He said that last time and then disappeared completely, so I was somewhat skeptical. The difference this time is although on the surface he’s a man I could actually date, we are clearly only fucking each other, so it’s no issue for me to send a text here and there. I’m okay being an equal partner in moving things forward, when the result is getting laid by Lewis. Continue reading

Time to fess up | I lasted almost three weeks.

The Dom I spent some time on the St. Andrew’s cross with three weeks ago had continued to reach out to me. He checked in with me the day after and continued regularly for a few days. It’s called aftercare, and it’s to be expected.

But I found myself wondering whether there was more to it than that. So I asked, and we established he thought me to be gorgeous and he was interested in potentially playing with me more. If we were going to have penetrative sex, however, he needed to ask his wife and his girlfriend (he’s polyamorous) for permission.

Early last week he asked me if I planned to be at the sex / swingers club that Friday night. I actually had no plans on Friday night, so it was a possibility. He said he wanted to introduce me to his girlfriend and they would be there that night.

But that’s not who this post is about.

Continue reading

Getting over Tony, relationships, and my continuing sexual journey.

I know some of my recent posts may have left you confused. I figure if some of you said it, more of you felt it. This was further compounded by my trying to get up to current date quickly; I didn’t spend as much time writing about my headspace…and taking short cuts usually doesn’t work.

I’ve had enough questions about what I really want, why I’m not just pursuing casual sex, am I ready for a relationship, etcetera, to think I should try to clarify how I feel about all of this.

Here are some of the most common questions:

Shouldn’t I give myself time to heal before dating again? Continue reading

Saturday plans: Tennis, Lunch, a Craigslist sale, and a nice f*ck.

Let me take you back, since I’m writing a bit out of sequence. Two weeks ago, I was experiencing a slowly disappearing man and had rekindled and quickly snuffed out my interactions with Tony.

Mr. Fetlife hadn’t responded to a text for several days, and the Teacher who was super keen ended up not being able to make any date work before a two-week vacation, so he was out of the picture.

The Accountant was being kind of creepy. He and I had pretty much stopped texting. He didn’t ask me out again, but if he had I’d decided to give it another chance. But then he came across my profile on Adult Friend Finder and his interest was reinvigorated. He messaged me there and on OK Cupid. He started texting me again.

He told me he’d taken my AFF profile pic (it’s half in shadow), lightened it, and said I looked great. It felt creepy. Continue reading

What's old is new again 2 | Another chance to call a man out on his BS

I wrote about one of my first dates and how I got the opportunity to tell him he got no more access to my sexiness unless we were actually dating. It felt so awesome to write that message.

Some of you thought he would reach out. I knew he wouldn’t, and he hasn’t. So fucking telling, no?

But guess what?? It happened again. This guy I also wrote about – he went silent after some pretty hot phone sex.

He sent me a message on OK Cupid, and I responded politely. But after his second text I just had to say what was on my mind.  Continue reading

Rules are made to be broken. Sometimes.

While I posted my new dating rules just a couple days ago, they have been in effect for longer. And you may have noted I said I have different rules when it comes to sexual exploration. Which I’m not pursuing with the same intensity, but it’s still something I’m interested in. Especially since I’m not going to sleep with someone on the first date – a rule I didn’t even write!! – I have to get it somewhere.

I have two stories to share with you:

1) Your kinks are not my kinks

The first occurred at the tail end of my no-contact time with Tony. A woman reached out to me on FetLife saying she and her boyfriend of a year had broken up and he spotted my profile on FetLife and was intrigued.

While skeptical at first, once I established she wasn’t full of it and he was a real guy, he and I started emailing. He was clear he wasn’t looking for a relationship but he’d be open to just having one ongoing sexual relationship. He was HOT. So I figured why the hell not, and although I was ill I agreed to meet him for lunch. He knew I was sick and agreed to meet me anyway.

He was charming and funny and intelligent. He ran his own business. But what drew me in were his completely luscious lips and bedroom eyes. Shallow but true.

I wanted to fuck this man…so that’s what I did.

Not for the first time, the words going through my head during our afternoon delight were “dude, your kinks are not my kinks”.

Turns out, I’m not so much into tit slapping. Or holding my mouth open so he could fuck my face. Or him just holding my mouth open to look inside. Or his small cock that he didn’t even really fuck me well with.

I spent time masturbating after he left, so as to be satisfied.

I got him sick. Shocker. We texted for a few days afterwards. I wasn’t too upset when he politely told me as much as he loved our time together, he had met someone else he was going to focus on and didn’t have time for two. I said quite honestly I was impressed he took the time to say that, and wished him all the best.

Sidebar: He left a very dark and obvious bruise under my nipple. I had to use concealer the next day when I met Tony. Thank goodness Tony didn’t disappoint, and did pretty much the exact same thing to my breast, which prevented me from getting busted.

2) Why are the hot sexy smart ones super long distance?

I modified a few of my stories from this blog and posted them on Reddit. I was curious what kind of traffic it would drive to my blog, and what the feedback would be like. The feedback was 99% positive, and it drives traffic to my blog but barely any followers.

I had some men reach out to me with private messages. They were flirty and complimentary. One lives in New York and asked me out; perhaps on my next visit.

But one guy stood out from the rest; he’d just gotten out of a long-term relationship and they were swingers. He wrote thoughtful and interesting messages. We took our conversation from Reddit to email.

He sent me a picture. Fatal flaw for asking, Ann… fatal flaw.

Of course, he’s tall, dark, handsome, fit, well endowed, intelligent, and we are definitely sexually aligned. And over 2,000 miles from where I live. Dammit.

So yes, it’s 100% in violation of my rules. There is so little point engaging with someone long distance. I’ve done it before – and yes, of course, it was a wonderful romance while it lasted. It is also asking for so. much. trouble. Especially since he knows about the blog and has read a thing or two over here (hello, my handsome friend).

He wants someone to talk to. He wishes there were people he could tell everything to – and we’ve talked about my experiences blogging and how wonderful it’s been for me. I told him I’m happy to talk about pretty much anything with him but I don’t want to hear the details of his sexual exploits. I’m fine to know – for example – that this week he has three dates lined up with women he’s met online – and one has to be careful to not squirt every time she cums.

That’s enough information for me.

His ex was taller and heavier than me so he completely understands I don’t want to hear about the little Thai woman he fucked last week. One of the few sexual things I can’t be is the kind of woman a man can hoist around his hips and fuck her against a wall. Well, perhaps an incredibly strong basketball player. But I haven’t met any of those.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen with him, if anything. He is nice enough to say good morning and goodnight, and we text occasionally throughout the day. I’d be intrigued to meet him but in some ways that would make things much more difficult if we did have an amazing connection. He’s just come out of a relationship, and I would  ideally like to be in one.

What I’m not doing is getting ahead of myself. At all. For now he’s fun to talk to, sends fantastic cock shots (although I’m just as likely to ask for face or other parts), and I’m okay with breaking my rule for him.

My longest post is the list of men I've slept with.

[Update: This really should be called “men I’ve had sex with…if sex means penis in vagina”…because as some people pointed out, “sleep with” is a dopey euphemism. And there are more I engaged in sexual acts with, but not fucked. I guess I’ve used a Bill Clinton definition.”

Some of you may recall a series of posts I wrote when I was dating Johnny Id. They listed every man I’d ever slept with. It was rather nerve wracking to put the number out there, but this is a pretty slut-positive place and most people were quite nice about it.

I got to thinking I hadn’t really kept up the list since Johnny and I broke up. So tonight, I sat down to create a page from the three original posts and then update it.

Turns out, my feeling like I slowed down after Johnny was actually true. I was choosier and slept with just a handful of men between Johnny and Tony (a few were repeats from earlier days).

But hilariously, in the three weeks Tony and I were on our break, I racked up several more. It should be noted it was a real break, with discussion of ensuring condom usage and all that. This wasn’t a “Friends” episode.

I suppose having two nights at a sex club will do that to a girl.

If you are curious about my sexual history, you can read the whole sordid list on my “Men I’ve slept with” page. Oh, and  the number? 83. Yikes.