We spoke. It’s over.

After almost 36 hours of complete silence, Jack finally texted me back. I’d sent a text saying “good morning, when can we talk today?” and he replied with “We can speak around 4 or after 10 tonight. Have a great day.”

I didn’t reply with what I wanted to say (“Have a great day? Seriously?”) but simply said, “4 it is”.

It was difficult to focus at work and I resented him for deliberately (yes, it was) leaving me hurt and anxious.

And when I picked up the phone, this is what he said:

“Ann, I’m not over my last girlfriend.  Continue reading

I have no secrets now.

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Leo, you’re on Facebook but not other social media, why is that?”

“I’m not very active on Facebook, Ann. I figure those people who want to know about my life will pick up the phone.”

“Yeah, I get that. What do you think about people who share a lot online?”

“Well it all depends, I think it’s attention seeking sometimes which just isn’t me. Why do you ask?”

“Have you ever looked up my profile on Facebook?” Continue reading

Two steps forward and one step back.

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I had some decisions to make. Did I believe him? Mostly. I knew there was a chance he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, but seeing how uncomfortable he was, and the way he told me, led me to believe there was far more truth to his words than lies.

I didn’t write it all out, but I did challenge him on a number of things during our conversation. The most important for me was how it was possible he didn’t feel comfortable with me, given how open I’d been with him about my own sexuality.

Continue reading

Leo laid bare.

Apparently some of you aren’t happy even when I skip to the end of my story. So from now on, you’ll get what you get 🙂

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Leo paced back and forth between my living room and kitchen while he spoke. He was clearly uncomfortable. He drank water constantly.

He started with a statement about how he was raised to be the one who was strong and couldn’t be vulnerable. I wasn’t sure where he was going, but it was just the intro. Continue reading

The beauty of an honest f*ck buddy.

If you don’t know the history of Jake, you may want to read his back story (and as a sidebar, if any of you know how to get the results of a Tag search to come up oldest to newest, please let me know!).

He and I are both seeking similar things – an exclusive, very sexual, intellectual relationship. One where perhaps the occasional additional pleasure will be sought out with others, but always together.

While relationship may be too strong a word to describe what Jake and I have, it’s one of the most honest and open I’ve ever had.

He’s never tried to hide from me that he’s dating others, nor has he been too open with information I don’t want. He’s told me the nature of his interactions without being specific. For example, when we were both on POF, he said he was sometimes on there late on night when he was bored (honest!) or when he gets a message. He knows I could see when he was online or last online, so instead of leaving me wondering he told me head on. Continue reading

Oh Drew, the truth isn’t much better.

I haven’t written about Drew much because I haven’t seen him much. After our hot couch session, almost three weeks went by before I saw him again. He kept up a decent communication pace with me, checking in most days. But he is in a similar industry to Tony and therefore, rarely knows his schedule in advance. It’s frustrating but at least I understand it.

One day we were texting back and forth – the same weekend I was preparing myself for Kyle’s penultimate cancellation – and talking about some tentative plans to see a sports event. I told him while I didn’t expect him to sleep over if he was uncomfortable, he was more than welcome. It would mean he didn’t have to drive an hour home that night, or try to arrange something with a friend.

He said thank you, and followed with “you and I both know what this is.” Continue reading

he fisted me in the middle of the night

He showed up in the middle of the night | In his words

If you haven’t read part one, you may want to. He finished his version before I finished my part two, so wanted to go ahead and share it with you.

These are his unedited words. You can see why I bask in them. Enjoy.

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Honestly, I never thought we’d meet. Not out of lack of interest, mind you, but circumstances, distances and timing always seemed to work against us. But interest? Oh, interest was always there…how could it not be? For over two years, we’d danced a delicate dervish of flirtation and fantasy, getting to know one another’s nooks and crannies mentally, if not physically. From the start, she’d hooked me with her words; her passionate honesty, her fervid adventures, her moments of joy and yes, her moments of doubt. Every single word written with a delightful blend of intimate truthfulness and evident lust. The very combination that drives a man like me wild. Continue reading

I backed myself into a corner but got out. I think.

~Previous Post~

The next day with Tony was good from a communication perspective. I sent him a good morning boob shot, so really, how bad could it be? There wasn’t a ton of texting which is fine when I’m busy at work. He sent me a sweet text that his pillows smelled like me.

He actually asked about my day. Which I know is not some major fucking accomplishment but he wouldn’t always do that before. (And yes, I know what that sounds like. Hello drop of water to a dehydrated woman).

We had arranged to see each other in the afternoon for an overnight on Friday. He texted he would try to be over there as soon as I’d let him. Which made me smile.  Continue reading

When getting no answer is an answer unto itself

So I am writing this with a sleeping Andrew laying right beside me. His back is pressed up against my side, and he is oh so warm. Warm enough to make me uncomfortable under my duvet. I move to get my feet out from under the covers, in an attempt to regulate my temperature.

We had a lovely evening together, even though we are both sick. He gave me this cold, you see, but it hit me harder. He also has an ear infection, so we make a great pair.

He came over at 6pm and had a bit of work to get done. It was fine by me – I would rather have him in my space and working than not here at all. I had some hors d’oeuvres and he snacked and worked and we talked here and there. He would come into the kitchen and kiss me and grab my ass and I told him he was killing me and he said it was no different for him. It was a small thing, but it reassured me that he wanted me too. Continue reading

A short list of my desires

You are forgiven if you thought this post was about sex. Yes, I did put in a submission for “Never Have I Ever” but that’s not what this is all about.

Since last Wednesday night and the issues with Johnny Id, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want. Any time I have a life hiccup – especially a big one with someone I love – it gives me a pause. This is a big pause. The way I figure out how to move forward is to figure out what I actually want. From there, I can see how my relationship lines up with those things.

So here goes. Right now, these are the things I desire: Continue reading