I have no secrets now.

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Leo, you’re on Facebook but not other social media, why is that?”

“I’m not very active on Facebook, Ann. I figure those people who want to know about my life will pick up the phone.”

“Yeah, I get that. What do you think about people who share a lot online?”

“Well it all depends, I think it’s attention seeking sometimes which just isn’t me. Why do you ask?”

“Have you ever looked up my profile on Facebook?” Continue reading

Two steps forward and one step back.

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I had some decisions to make. Did I believe him? Mostly. I knew there was a chance he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, but seeing how uncomfortable he was, and the way he told me, led me to believe there was far more truth to his words than lies.

I didn’t write it all out, but I did challenge him on a number of things during our conversation. The most important for me was how it was possible he didn’t feel comfortable with me, given how open I’d been with him about my own sexuality.

Continue reading

Leo laid bare.

Apparently some of you aren’t happy even when I skip to the end of my story. So from now on, you’ll get what you get 🙂

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Leo paced back and forth between my living room and kitchen while he spoke. He was clearly uncomfortable. He drank water constantly.

He started with a statement about how he was raised to be the one who was strong and couldn’t be vulnerable. I wasn’t sure where he was going, but it was just the intro. Continue reading

Well, I wasn’t expecting that. Leo comes clean.

“Can we talk? My head has been churning all week and there is something I need to tell you.”

This from Leo, the day I left for my overnight business trip. In order to skip ahead to the good stuff, suffice it to say I agreed to hear what he had to say, and he came over to my place the evening I returned.

I was prepared for a semi-desperate attempt on Leo’s behalf to win me back or for him to argue me out of what I was feeling or wanting. And while yes, what he chose to share with me was about trying to keep me in his life, it wasn’t what I was expecting. Continue reading

The beauty of an honest f*ck buddy.

If you don’t know the history of Jake, you may want to read his back story (and as a sidebar, if any of you know how to get the results of a Tag search to come up oldest to newest, please let me know!).

He and I are both seeking similar things – an exclusive, very sexual, intellectual relationship. One where perhaps the occasional additional pleasure will be sought out with others, but always together.

While relationship may be too strong a word to describe what Jake and I have, it’s one of the most honest and open I’ve ever had.

He’s never tried to hide from me that he’s dating others, nor has he been too open with information I don’t want. He’s told me the nature of his interactions without being specific. For example, when we were both on POF, he said he was sometimes on there late on night when he was bored (honest!) or when he gets a message. He knows I could see when he was online or last online, so instead of leaving me wondering he told me head on. Continue reading

When getting no answer is an answer unto itself

So I am writing this with a sleeping Andrew laying right beside me. His back is pressed up against my side, and he is oh so warm. Warm enough to make me uncomfortable under my duvet. I move to get my feet out from under the covers, in an attempt to regulate my temperature.

We had a lovely evening together, even though we are both sick. He gave me this cold, you see, but it hit me harder. He also has an ear infection, so we make a great pair.

He came over at 6pm and had a bit of work to get done. It was fine by me – I would rather have him in my space and working than not here at all. I had some hors d’oeuvres and he snacked and worked and we talked here and there. He would come into the kitchen and kiss me and grab my ass and I told him he was killing me and he said it was no different for him. It was a small thing, but it reassured me that he wanted me too. Continue reading

A short list of my desires

You are forgiven if you thought this post was about sex. Yes, I did put in a submission for “Never Have I Ever” but that’s not what this is all about.

Since last Wednesday night and the issues with Johnny Id, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want. Any time I have a life hiccup – especially a big one with someone I love – it gives me a pause. This is a big pause. The way I figure out how to move forward is to figure out what I actually want. From there, I can see how my relationship lines up with those things.

So here goes. Right now, these are the things I desire: Continue reading

Who is Ann St. Vincent, anyway?

I’ve been told a lot of nice things lately from people who read this blog. It’s often very flattering and honestly, I find it so interesting to see myself through others eyes.

A blogging friend made a comment to me a couple of weeks ago that surely there were things about me that I don’t write about, there were things I kept hidden. I had to think about that for a minute. Sure, I don’t talk much about the following:

The work I do and who I do it for. Why? First, while I love my work, I’m not sure it would be that amusing. Although I love Aussa’s workplace stories, so perhaps I will consider it. Second, although it’s keenly important to me, it’s not the focus of the journey I am on today. Third, the more I talk about what I do, the easier it is to figure out who I am in real life…which limits my ability to write with brutal honesty. Continue reading