personal growth

I was going to write about Gentleman Douchebags…

…but I realized, while sitting at my kitchen island and drinking hot apple cider as a way to stave off the deep chill (literal, not metaphorical), it’s all about the stories we tell ourselves. When we think about our past, or our personal growth, what is the narrative we believe to be true, and how does it prevent us from seeing our behavior for what it actually is… or what we actually are?

I’ve created some mental space in my life by not seeking out anyone new and deleting those who haven’t made an effort. Yes, there are some men still around, but none are taking up much of my time or energy. I’ve been on an almost two-week vacation and have enjoyed time alone as it’s allowed me to focus on my book.

In trying to decide what to write about, I’ve done a lot of reflection on my journey. I’ve looked at every single blog post I’ve written. I’ve remembered men and experiences long-forgotten.  Continue reading

Leo, the gentleman lion.

It had been five weeks since I’d seen Leo, on our third date when he asked whether I was his girlfriend. When I told him by text I had neither the emotional or practical time or energy to have a relationship, he replied he completely understood. He told me he can be patient, that he didn’t want me to be the “one who got away” when he was old.

I thought it was sweet. He was understanding, and patient, and romantic without being creepy.

He kept in infrequent contact, checking in and saying hello. Never pressuring me.  Continue reading

Civility shouldn’t be rare. Or, why I almost cried twice in 24 hours.

I’m on a plane flying home from New York, where I’ve been the last several days. It was wonderful but I always look forward to getting home after too many nights in a hotel room. A breakfast of bacon, eggs, some toast and coffee should not cost $35 US.

I did not seek a debaucherous vacation, nor did debauchery find me anyway. As you know, sometimes it comes to you. I am however sporting four very large hickeys on the front of my neck, with no concealer to be found. But that’s not the reason I’m writing at the moment.

My level of patience and optimism with my dating life has been cyclical – right now I’m in a place where the lack of common decency shown by so many gets to me. It’s not just my experience, it’s those of my friends as well.  Continue reading

Aftermath of the threesome

When Tony got Lewis & Clark’s sloppy seconds. 

I’m not sloppy at all, but I like the phrase.

I’d been well fucked by two large gentlemen, but afterwards reached out to Tony to see what he was up to. We planned for him to come over early the next morning. I slept incredibly well which was not a surprise given what had happened to me physically and mentally.

Early is relative. I’d woken up, realized I wasn’t going to sleep in despite my attempts, and by the time I had made myself a latte and hopped back in bed to read the newspaper, Tony had arrived.

I’d washed some of my body parts the night before, but was definitely still covered in the sweat of my threesome. I hadn’t changed my sheets, either. It was a mild night and I’d slept with the window cracked, so the room at least smelled fresh.

I don’t think I’ve ever said I’m always proper when it comes to sex.  Continue reading

Back to the “online dating is ridiculous” posts…

I wouldn’t quite say I’m online dating just yet, but before I deleted a bunch of the messages in OK Cupid I screen captured them so I could share them here in all their douchy or boring glory.

I’m going to start with the first new person I responded to. His profile met my criteria, and I liked his somewhat clever start. But how quickly it disintegrated… Continue reading

Meeting the Grey Knight

This post is long overdue; but my world post-trip turned into a Fox shit show and I got completely sidetracked.

Some of you may follow the Grey Knight; a male blogger profiling the many dates and sexual escapades he’s had on his post-split dating journey.

Given the relatively rare number of male non-fiction dating / sex bloggers, I found him shortly after starting my own blog, and have read all of his posts since.  Continue reading

A fantastic two-date day | Mr. Fox & #14

Mr Fox and I had a great first coffee date and we both wanted more. Our text conversation continued and the next thing I knew he was booking lunch for the two of us the following day. He picked a restaurant near my office and made the reservation and just made it happen.

I liked that.

I wore a short black puffy skirt and a light blue leather jacket, with three inch heels. Given he’s 6’4″ I can wear those heels and still look up to him. It’s nice, actually. There are days when I feel great and know I can strut my stuff and that day was one of those days.

We met at a sky high restaurant in a fancy hotel. Ever the gentleman, he held doors open, waited until I was seated, and made sure I was comfortable. I had meetings in the afternoon otherwise would have loved a glass of wine.  Continue reading

A fantastic two-date day | Mr. Fox & #14

Mr Fox and I had a great first coffee date and we both wanted more. Our text conversation continued and the next thing I knew he was booking lunch for the two of us the following day. He picked a restaurant near my office and made the reservation and just made it happen.

I liked that.

I wore a short black puffy skirt and a light blue leather jacket, with three inch heels. Given he’s 6’4″ I can wear those heels and still look up to him. It’s nice, actually. There are days when I feel great and know I can strut my stuff and that day was one of those days.

We met at a sky high restaurant in a fancy hotel. Ever the gentleman, he held doors open, waited until I was seated, and made sure I was comfortable. I had meetings in the afternoon otherwise would have loved a glass of wine.  Continue reading

Meet Mister Fox

Mr. Fox reached out to me on Plenty of Fish. He made a clever reference to my job in relation to his, and it was easy for me to respond.

His profile showed a very handsome, very tall (6’4″) 49 year old long-divorced professional. He has a teenage child, a love of craft beer, and enjoys exploring restaurants. In a notable departure from my latest boyfriends, he has a full head of hair.

You know the next part: witty and interesting messaging back and forth on the dating site, he asked to move to text, and it continued at a reasonable pace and was red flag free (Madeline, it is possible). I was quite excited about meeting this one. Continue reading

My gangbang fantasy became a reality – sort of (2)

[Part One] | I wore my unicorn necklace again, and packed the black string dress from Dale and Lisa, as well as a short black nightgown in case I wasn’t feeling as bold. I was ready to go to the sex club.

In the change room, I saw the same large breasted woman who complimented me on my shoes. She didn’t remember me, or if she did, wasn’t in the mood to chat.

As I was getting changed into the nightgown, I looked to my right and was pretty sure the young guy getting undressed was one of the men I was there to meet. He was taller, attractive, early 30s, and in good shape but nowhere near as ripped as his profile pictures. “Kris?” I said? And it was him.

Continue reading