3 nights of 2am (Part 1)

I wrote about Lewis and Todd last week. I was smitten and smiling randomly the next day – I always find the dichotomy of being a mom and corporate suit as well as the woman who has threesomes pretty amusing.

I told Lewis I would love a repeat before Todd went back home. The text reply that made me smile even more?

How about tomorrow night, 8:30?

FUCK, YES.

It was on. I had trouble focusing at work if I let my mind wander for even a few seconds. But it was all good. Continue reading

The beauty of an honest f*ck buddy.

If you don’t know the history of Jake, you may want to read his back story (and as a sidebar, if any of you know how to get the results of a Tag search to come up oldest to newest, please let me know!).

He and I are both seeking similar things – an exclusive, very sexual, intellectual relationship. One where perhaps the occasional additional pleasure will be sought out with others, but always together.

While relationship may be too strong a word to describe what Jake and I have, it’s one of the most honest and open I’ve ever had.

He’s never tried to hide from me that he’s dating others, nor has he been too open with information I don’t want. He’s told me the nature of his interactions without being specific. For example, when we were both on POF, he said he was sometimes on there late on night when he was bored (honest!) or when he gets a message. He knows I could see when he was online or last online, so instead of leaving me wondering he told me head on. Continue reading

We made our own BBC party.

Lewis and I hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks – mostly due to my vacation schedule. Unless I’m willing to see someone when I have Liam, I’m on a two week cycle. And sex with Lewis is rather, ahem, vigorous.

I wrote my last post while waiting for him to come over. It was a mostly typical Lewis encounter that night. We have a drink, talk about work (this time there wasn’t much talking), we go upstairs, undress, but of foreplay, he pounds away forever, we talk more, he goes home.

In some ways it was a bit different.

I greeted him at the door naked except for lace panties, with his drink in my hand. Hence why the shop talk was cut short.  Continue reading

Oh Drew, the truth isn’t much better.

I haven’t written about Drew much because I haven’t seen him much. After our hot couch session, almost three weeks went by before I saw him again. He kept up a decent communication pace with me, checking in most days. But he is in a similar industry to Tony and therefore, rarely knows his schedule in advance. It’s frustrating but at least I understand it.

One day we were texting back and forth – the same weekend I was preparing myself for Kyle’s penultimate cancellation – and talking about some tentative plans to see a sports event. I told him while I didn’t expect him to sleep over if he was uncomfortable, he was more than welcome. It would mean he didn’t have to drive an hour home that night, or try to arrange something with a friend.

He said thank you, and followed with “you and I both know what this is.” Continue reading

i fucked a lot of guys this week

My busy week | Thurs Lewis & Fri Jake

Monday | Tuesday & Wednesday

Thursday was Lewis’s. The week prior we went to a formal event together (which was awesome) and he came over to my place afterwards to let off the sexual tension building all night. Before he left, we agreed to meet this past Thursday. He also promised to take me dancing at some point this summer and I hope that can happen. I would love to be on a darkened dance floor with him.

Thursday was just going to be the two of us, but at some point during the day when my phone pinged with a new text message I looked down to see: “Clark said he’s free too…”

Gulp. Continue reading

stand up interracial sex in my kitchen

A good kitchen f*ck

We hadn’t seen each other since the night of the fantastic MFM threesome.

He has been relatively silent and when I inquired as to the reason for his absence, he attributed it to busy weekends with his daughter and a busier than normal work schedule.

He said that last time and then disappeared completely, so I was somewhat skeptical. The difference this time is although on the surface he’s a man I could actually date, we are clearly only fucking each other, so it’s no issue for me to send a text here and there. I’m okay being an equal partner in moving things forward, when the result is getting laid by Lewis. Continue reading

A perfect relationship he always wanted

This is the relationship he always wanted.

I was driving this morning from my hotel to the airport to go home. I’m beyond exhausted, due to a late night rendezvous with a former blogger (the second post will come soon).

I love to drive – not in city traffic, but on winding tree-lined highways where I can exceed the speed limit, if there is one. I listen to music and sing along and think.

Despite my addled sleep deprived state, or perhaps because of it, I had a moment of clarity.

Tony finally has the relationship with me he always wanted. Continue reading

He is my protector and I am his muse

I’m filled with words but they’ve stayed in my head so far. They are no good to anyone there. The inability to talk about the aftermath of a relationship gone wrong is very difficult. To be clear, I’m able to write, but I promised I wouldn’t. It’s the first time I ever agreed to be muzzled but when I fear for my reputation and my safety, it wasn’t a hill I was going to die on.

There’s a lot more to talk about than Tony, but right now I want to talk about him.

I’ve seen a lot of him lately. On a particularly difficult night, after receiving some threats I texted and called him and asked if I could stay with him. I thought I’d be fine, but alone in my house late at night, I realized I wasn’t. Continue reading

The slow sucking of quicksand…

This title made sense to me in the late hour I was drafting notes for this post, but today when I looked again I laughed out loud when I saw “slow” and “quick” in the title. I’m leaving it flawed, because it seems appropriate. I’ve never pretended to be anything but.

I’ve seen him again. More than once.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this situation, what the hell I’m doing, and I come up devoid of the words to make sense of it. I will most certainly write more about it, but what I know is it’s doing more good than harm – for the moment. Continue reading

The aftermath of being f*cked over.

What a crazy shit show the past few weeks have been.

As angry as I am that Fox betrayed my trust and violated my privacy, for what turned out to be for most of our relationship, it’s alright, ultimately. I learned things about him that may otherwise have taken a long time to uncover.

I don’t regret anything I’ve written; but I do realize I’m sometimes punchy with my comments and sure, cavalier in moments. It wasn’t quite accurate to say he doesn’t interest me on any level, for example.

But I stand behind every single thing I’ve said and done. If I had the chance to do it all again, I would still not have told him everything about Tony. I didn’t cheat on Fox, and I didn’t want to tell him anything that would hurt him unnecessarily. If it was me, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to know that the person who came before me had the best chemistry ever with my boyfriend. No way.  Continue reading