The world is small, the dating world, smaller.

Two of my friends are freshly separated – less than a year. They are in the midst of negotiating settlements and getting used to their new normal. Both have recently started dating and we have an ongoing three-way text chat to share our highs and lows. And dick pics.

The first friend is looking only for casual sex. She’s on Adult Friend Finder. One guy she met had the same name as someone I went on one date with, perhaps three years ago. It’s not a common name but not rare, either. She shared a picture (as we tend to do) and I didn’t recognize him.

They went on a date a week or so later. She mentioned they went back to his place, where it was located, and that he had some erection trouble. My spidey sense tingled. “Hey, can you share a pic?” I asked, via text. 

Oh good lord.

It was the same guy. The first pic he had sunglasses on but the second was his LinkedIn profile.

The hilarity ensued. I don’t think I wrote about him – if I did it’s buried in a text about dating fails – because as nice as our date was, he was weird when we got back to his place and he wasn’t able to perform. Hence why he’s not on my “men I had sex with” list.

What we both found funny is we are polar opposites in looks – I’m blonde, fair, and curvy, and she is a dark-skinned, lithe athlete. He has good taste, that’s for sure.

They had a rather chill fuck buddy situation for several weeks. She never told him we knew each other lest it freak him out. 

Then yesterday I was hanging out with the other friend. She’d had a good first date with a man named Leo who was from the same country as my Leo. But not the same guy – we checked. I asked her if she had any more dates lined up.

“Not really,” she said, “but there’s another guy from [foreign country] who is there right now but I may see him when he’s back”.

Hmm. Same country as someone I used to date. But that’s common. Still.

“What’s his name?”

“Sevag.”

Ummm. 

“Hey do you have a picture?” 

It was him. He Who Shall Not Be Named. I told her the highlights of our story, which are removed from the blog – the intense first few dates, his third date declaration of love, his stalking my social media which led to his finding my blog, his descent into crazy jealousy, the threats and the police getting involved.

She isn’t going to keep in touch with him. I hated being the bearer of bad news, but she doesn’t like what she now knows he’s capable of.

Oh, and she used to be best friends with Tony’s again-wife, and she’s work friends with Jack’s ex-wife.

I live in a big city and continue to be amazed at how small it seems to be. I suspect this will keep happening. 

I’m one delayed response away from being a cynical bitch.

I haven’t missed the bullshit of dating.

I briefly reinstalled Bumble after breaking up with Leo after our vacation, less because I was serious about trying to find someone new than simply to see how it felt to put myself back out there.

It was boring. Men who can’t find anything to ask other than “hey what’s up” and “how was your day”, men who swipe right and reply once, just to ignore you afterwards, men who are not interesting at all. Men you like who don’t like you back.

I was somewhat relieved to find wasn’t bouncing right back into it.  Continue reading

I took a new lover. 

My AFF profile was open for a few months last Summer and early Fall. It’s where I met Leo, as some of you may remember. I have zero recollection whether I met anyone else in person from that site – it’s funny how time erases some people and not others – but there was another man who tried and we simply couldn’t connect.

I never wrote about him, because I never met him. The last interaction was him asking me to meet one weekend morning for coffee, then when I agreed to the time and place he went silent. It was the second or third time it didn’t work due to his flakiness so when he reached out again, I scolded him and said no thank you.

That was enough for him to not try again. Until recently. Continue reading

I’m in a weird – but good – place. 

I need to keep this quick because it’s WAY past my bedtime. 

I’m away for work again, another short stint. A conversation with a girlfriend last night got me thinking, and after dinner at her place I decided to walk home to clear my head and hopefully my sinuses. Because yeah, I got my kid’s cold. 

While my head stayed stuffed up, some things became clear.

I really like not having to answer to anyone, and am enjoying my personal freedom at the moment. I almost titled this post “I’m a raging slut” but then realized a) that’s not my core message, and b) “slut” is such a judgy word, and I’m cool with my actions. 

It occurred to me yesterday I have three casual lovers, all black, hung, and super hot, and I’m very lucky for it. They are infrequent lovers, especially Todd, but Lewis and Clark are around enough given how busy I am. 

What is so different for me now than three years ago is I am quite content with the pace of their communications. They reach out when they can and I genuinely don’t notice when it’s been a few days between texts. I’m not fussed. We know exactly what the deal is with each other, and are content with the status quo.

I also have a man who is very keen on deepening our relationship, and who so far has proven to be okay with my blog-big-reveal and the knowledge we aren’t exclusive. Leo and I have seen each other a few times in the last few weeks and it’s been nice. It’s lovely to have someone desire me the way he does. It’s good spending time with him, and I’m not expending much effort worrying about whether it will work out.

Que sera, sera.

A guy I met on Adult Friend Finder last summer (or maybe fall?) who I never ended up meeting – he cancelled a coffee date last minute – texted me out of the blue. He said he’d been travelling for the last 6 months and remembered we’d had good conversations and he asked if we could meet for a coffee.

Sure, why not? Perhaps it will happen next week, but if doesn’t, that’s okay too.

I’m not blasé about my interactions – I’ve had times before where I don’t feel much of anything – but I’m chill. I’m enjoying what’s in my direct path, and focusing on friends and family and work. 

I think that’s an okay place to be. 

An uncomfortable conversation with Alan.

I will apologize again for my current need to write – and edit – posts on my phone. The app does a shit job of linking to past posts (so I don’t bother), I can’t see the flow of the post, it takes forever to write, etc.

Normally I go back a few days later to clean things up; I just haven’t had the chance yet. My home computer decided it was tired of connecting to the internet.

On to Alan. Continue reading

3 nights of 2am (Part 1)

I wrote about Lewis and Todd last week. I was smitten and smiling randomly the next day – I always find the dichotomy of being a mom and corporate suit as well as the woman who has threesomes pretty amusing.

I told Lewis I would love a repeat before Todd went back home. The text reply that made me smile even more?

How about tomorrow night, 8:30?

FUCK, YES.

It was on. I had trouble focusing at work if I let my mind wander for even a few seconds. But it was all good. Continue reading

We made our own BBC party.

Lewis and I hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks – mostly due to my vacation schedule. Unless I’m willing to see someone when I have Liam, I’m on a two week cycle. And sex with Lewis is rather, ahem, vigorous.

I wrote my last post while waiting for him to come over. It was a mostly typical Lewis encounter that night. We have a drink, talk about work (this time there wasn’t much talking), we go upstairs, undress, but of foreplay, he pounds away forever, we talk more, he goes home.

In some ways it was a bit different.

I greeted him at the door naked except for lace panties, with his drink in my hand. Hence why the shop talk was cut short.  Continue reading