You can train for Axe, but not for kindness.

Life has been a little hectic the last few weeks. Not just with sex parties and disappointment, but also time with friends and some additional work responsibilities that have made my days far more intense.

I didn’t want to get too behind on writing so I put up two posts about Ray, the one who reached out on FetLife and with whom I had an unconventional but nice first date.

Some of you may have noticed I didn’t talk much about Ray; just how things went down with us. It was deliberate but only so I could get through the date itself. He’s an interesting guy and is yet another man who makes me think through what I want, versus what I actually need, and how the two intersect. Continue reading

Some rules are made to be broken.

It started with a simple status update on FetLife, a site I haven’t been active on in eighteen months. I’d gone to reply to a message from a photographer who wanted to do a photo shoot with me and noticed I still referenced Tony in my profile.

I must have shown up on search results because within 24 hours I received several messages from men. One stood out:

“Loved your profile, I like women who enjoy being shared, double penetration, gangbangs. I don’t post much on my profile, I am somewhat old fashioned in this regard, I like approaching someone I consider interesting. Continue reading

Saturday plans: Tennis, Lunch, a Craigslist sale, and a nice f*ck.

Let me take you back, since I’m writing a bit out of sequence. Two weeks ago, I was experiencing a slowly disappearing man and had rekindled and quickly snuffed out my interactions with Tony.

Mr. Fetlife hadn’t responded to a text for several days, and the Teacher who was super keen ended up not being able to make any date work before a two-week vacation, so he was out of the picture.

The Accountant was being kind of creepy. He and I had pretty much stopped texting. He didn’t ask me out again, but if he had I’d decided to give it another chance. But then he came across my profile on Adult Friend Finder and his interest was reinvigorated. He messaged me there and on OK Cupid. He started texting me again.

He told me he’d taken my AFF profile pic (it’s half in shadow), lightened it, and said I looked great. It felt creepy. Continue reading

Afternoon delight…how to break a sex dry spell

Eight months ago when I first joined FetLife, he reached out to me.  He was my height, built, dark skinned, and well-endowed. He frequents a local sex club; otherwise his life is fairly vanilla. He goes mid-week, in the afternoon.

We simply couldn’t get our schedules aligned to meet, and then I went on a hiatus while I was dating Tony. He was one of the ones (along with Dale and Lisa) I reached out to when I got back online. We’ve been trying to find a time that works for both of us, and it had never worked out.

Until Monday. In the midst of my anxiety about Lewis and whether he was evaporating, I knew I needed to be busier. Work hasn’t really taken off yet and there’s only so much messing about I can do online and avoiding the gym. It’s not that I lack for things to do. Continue reading

My third first date in three nights; finally, a kiss.

I had three first dates three days in a row last week. The first was the Accountant, the second was the check box man, and the third was, well… Mr Fetlife. I’m not sure I want to give them names unless we go on a second date.

Mr Fetlife reached out to me on Fetlife (obviously) shortly after I reactivated my profile during my three week break from Tony. The Saturday morning where I thought life was once again full of rainbows and unicorns, and Tony was going to finally make the effort I needed, I went onto Fetlife, changed my profile status from “single” to “in a relationship”, and updated my description to state I wasn’t looking to play alone, but perhaps I would explore with my partner.

As you know by now, that was short lived. In that happy time span however, I had told Mr Fetlife I was now off them market. And then I humbly told him I was back on the market.

Mr Fetlife is single and kinky. He works in construction, is 6 feet tall, and swarthy. He’s had long term relationships but never been married. He’s polite, consistent, and funny. He has no kids. He’s looking for a relationship. Continue reading

Rules are made to be broken. Sometimes.

While I posted my new dating rules just a couple days ago, they have been in effect for longer. And you may have noted I said I have different rules when it comes to sexual exploration. Which I’m not pursuing with the same intensity, but it’s still something I’m interested in. Especially since I’m not going to sleep with someone on the first date – a rule I didn’t even write!! – I have to get it somewhere.

I have two stories to share with you:

1) Your kinks are not my kinks

The first occurred at the tail end of my no-contact time with Tony. A woman reached out to me on FetLife saying she and her boyfriend of a year had broken up and he spotted my profile on FetLife and was intrigued.

While skeptical at first, once I established she wasn’t full of it and he was a real guy, he and I started emailing. He was clear he wasn’t looking for a relationship but he’d be open to just having one ongoing sexual relationship. He was HOT. So I figured why the hell not, and although I was ill I agreed to meet him for lunch. He knew I was sick and agreed to meet me anyway.

He was charming and funny and intelligent. He ran his own business. But what drew me in were his completely luscious lips and bedroom eyes. Shallow but true.

I wanted to fuck this man…so that’s what I did.

Not for the first time, the words going through my head during our afternoon delight were “dude, your kinks are not my kinks”.

Turns out, I’m not so much into tit slapping. Or holding my mouth open so he could fuck my face. Or him just holding my mouth open to look inside. Or his small cock that he didn’t even really fuck me well with.

I spent time masturbating after he left, so as to be satisfied.

I got him sick. Shocker. We texted for a few days afterwards. I wasn’t too upset when he politely told me as much as he loved our time together, he had met someone else he was going to focus on and didn’t have time for two. I said quite honestly I was impressed he took the time to say that, and wished him all the best.

Sidebar: He left a very dark and obvious bruise under my nipple. I had to use concealer the next day when I met Tony. Thank goodness Tony didn’t disappoint, and did pretty much the exact same thing to my breast, which prevented me from getting busted.

2) Why are the hot sexy smart ones super long distance?

I modified a few of my stories from this blog and posted them on Reddit. I was curious what kind of traffic it would drive to my blog, and what the feedback would be like. The feedback was 99% positive, and it drives traffic to my blog but barely any followers.

I had some men reach out to me with private messages. They were flirty and complimentary. One lives in New York and asked me out; perhaps on my next visit.

But one guy stood out from the rest; he’d just gotten out of a long-term relationship and they were swingers. He wrote thoughtful and interesting messages. We took our conversation from Reddit to email.

He sent me a picture. Fatal flaw for asking, Ann… fatal flaw.

Of course, he’s tall, dark, handsome, fit, well endowed, intelligent, and we are definitely sexually aligned. And over 2,000 miles from where I live. Dammit.

So yes, it’s 100% in violation of my rules. There is so little point engaging with someone long distance. I’ve done it before – and yes, of course, it was a wonderful romance while it lasted. It is also asking for so. much. trouble. Especially since he knows about the blog and has read a thing or two over here (hello, my handsome friend).

He wants someone to talk to. He wishes there were people he could tell everything to – and we’ve talked about my experiences blogging and how wonderful it’s been for me. I told him I’m happy to talk about pretty much anything with him but I don’t want to hear the details of his sexual exploits. I’m fine to know – for example – that this week he has three dates lined up with women he’s met online – and one has to be careful to not squirt every time she cums.

That’s enough information for me.

His ex was taller and heavier than me so he completely understands I don’t want to hear about the little Thai woman he fucked last week. One of the few sexual things I can’t be is the kind of woman a man can hoist around his hips and fuck her against a wall. Well, perhaps an incredibly strong basketball player. But I haven’t met any of those.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen with him, if anything. He is nice enough to say good morning and goodnight, and we text occasionally throughout the day. I’d be intrigued to meet him but in some ways that would make things much more difficult if we did have an amazing connection. He’s just come out of a relationship, and I would  ideally like to be in one.

What I’m not doing is getting ahead of myself. At all. For now he’s fun to talk to, sends fantastic cock shots (although I’m just as likely to ask for face or other parts), and I’m okay with breaking my rule for him.

My gangbang fantasy became a reality – sort of (3)

Part One | Part Two | I went back downstairs in the sex club, where the main bar and activities were occurring. I was a little bit sex stupid and my legs were still shaky from the orgasms.

An ice breaker activity was about to start. As soon as one of the hosts saw me, she came over and enthusiastically asked me if I wanted to join. “Sure!” I said, and she led me over to the middle of three bar stools where I sat, flanked between a naked man with nipple piercings and a naked woman.

The man greeted me and I complimented him on his piercings. I asked whether I could touch one, and at the same time he said “oh I have a prince albert one too” so there was a little confusion and some giggles when I had to clarify I didn’t want to touch his cock. Continue reading

My gangbang fantasy became a reality – sort of (2)

[Part One] | I wore my unicorn necklace again, and packed the black string dress from Dale and Lisa, as well as a short black nightgown in case I wasn’t feeling as bold. I was ready to go to the sex club.

In the change room, I saw the same large breasted woman who complimented me on my shoes. She didn’t remember me, or if she did, wasn’t in the mood to chat.

As I was getting changed into the nightgown, I looked to my right and was pretty sure the young guy getting undressed was one of the men I was there to meet. He was taller, attractive, early 30s, and in good shape but nowhere near as ripped as his profile pictures. “Kris?” I said? And it was him.

Continue reading

My gangbang fantasy became a reality – sort of (1)

The gangbang event finished. I woke up the next day with a terrible cold – which I felt coming on the day of the gangbang at the sex club, but chose to ignore it.

I am constantly amused at the dichotomy between my day-to-day life, and my sexual life. The gangbang was no exception.

It did not satisfy my sexual fantasies. It was fun, hot, and powerful. It was also disappointing, uncomfortable, and overwhelmingly weird.

Here is the setup to the event:

Continue reading

Two steps forward, one step back | Violating my no-contact rule

I made a promise to myself to not contact Tony until next Friday, June 5.

My only reason was I do better when I have a goal / deadline, and it needed to be something that felt reasonable. There was no way I could wait three months, even though I know that’s likely the kind of time he needs. Of course, I didn’t want to face the fact that Tony, being who he is, was unlikely to contact me. Even the therapist agreed regardless of how deeply he feels for me or how much he misses me, he is not going to take action. I know this to be true, because the same applied to HIS CHILD.


All was well. I was feeling strong and positive I could make it until the 5th. My plan was to see him on the 5th if I could, knowing he would have made no progress whatsoever, and it would help me say goodbye for good.

Alas. I fucked up.  Continue reading