The day after his visit, he sent me a series of texts about wanting to go on a trip with me. It was a long list of random places he wanted to go. He said he wanted to travel with me. He thought I would have a good sense of where to go, how to get there or find out, that I wasn’t scared to see and try things. Continue reading
I can’t even recall exactly when first contact was made with Tony. I had several weeks of silence, which was good for me. Strangely perhaps, the subsequent contact didn’t pull me back in but instead, helped me move on.
It’s been a long journey to get to this point. Tony’s duplicity is no surprise, nor is his ability to obfuscate and avoid conversations that reveal too much truth. He’s an expert.
So I’m not in any way going to suggest surprise at any of those things.
But. Continue reading
How’s that for a bad grammar title?
After the night of lasagne, massage, and quick-but-promising sex, Alan and I both agreed to see each other again.
I was a little torn on when to meet; the Friday we talked about, a family at my son’s school were having a fundraising party which is apparently a super fun time. But I also wanted to see Alan and it was the only night likely to work for him. I decided to stop by the party for an hour and meet him afterwards.
But then work exploded (the volcano is still spewing) and the last thing I wanted to do was go to a party. As it turned out, Alan’s work schedule shifted and he could no longer meet. I believed him, for what it’s worth. I worked late, went home, and worked from home even later. Continue reading
It’s funny how things work sometimes; especially love and heartbreak.
There have been numerous Tony “incidents” in the last couple of months which have stung. From breaking a four-year seal on photos of his “ex” wife on Instagram on my birthday, to his taking a vacation with his wife for her 40th birthday, sans child, for the first time in ages. There are several examples, all shitty – for me.
Intellectually, its interesting to decompose the various scenarios and try to understand her perspective. There are a few options – she’s either an innocent in all of this and has no idea what he’s up to, to the other extreme of she suspects./ knows and is putting him through his paces to prove his love before she pushes him to move back in.
But emotionally, it doesn’t matter to me. Continue reading
Out for dinner with some recently married family members, I passed on my advice of making sex and intimacy between couples a habit. The whole 5 of 7 rule (or whatever amount) which can help ensure the little every day annoyances likely to occur, don’t end up a barrier between a sexual relationship.
We talked about the research on forming habits. Studies show it takes two months for something to become a habit.
I got to thinking, naturally. Continue reading
I’d had a lot of time over the last few months to try to figure out, without overanalyzing, what the fuck Kyle’s deal was. I didn’t doubt his interest in me – he had the intention to see me / date me – however in practice it completely fell down.
Bottom line, dating me was not a priority. I would have bet he wasn’t dating others, so I didn’t get the sense he had other women that came first. Of course, being the last wife in the harem holds no appeal to me. It was harder to accept that even if I was the only one he was interested in, his behavior was still uncool. Continue reading
Tara suggested my last post sounded like closure with Tony. I hadn’t thought about it until that moment, and have been reflecting on it since.
I suppose I had always defined goodbye as something truly final – but it’s more nuanced than that. For now, I’m not going to cut off contact. I’m not blocking and deleting him (the latter having no impact anyway since his number has been memorized for a long time); there’s no point. However, with each discussion I am further disconnected emotionally.
Wait, that’s not quite right either. Continue reading
Of course that’s not true; I’m with a girlfriend, her parents, and our three collective children. We are, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere. It’s been a night and day of sun, water, swimming, laughs, music, day drinking, and snacks.
I haven’t had any stories I’ve had the time to make a whole blog post but I thought I’d catch up on a few things (and people).
Work has been super busy. Evenings after putting Liam to bed, weekend monitoring of emails, and the like. We are really close to a big deadline and while it’s not gone super smoothly, so far the problems are all manageable. I was brought in to save it and I really hope I prove to have done so. Continue reading
I remained confused about Ian’s general ambivalence. He’d sent me a Happy Mother’s Day text but then not much else. The Tuesday morning afterwards I texted “Good morning – you’ve been rather quiet.”
Later that night, laying on the floor all angry and hurt about Tony, I enjoyed a (brief) moment of levity when not 5 minutes before he showed up, Ian called. I didn’t answer the phone.
Later that night I saw he’d texted “hi” at 10:30 then later, “you have time to chat?”. The next morning when I woke up I texted that I would call him later that day. No “oh sorry I missed you”. Wasn’t feeling it, so didn’t say it. Continue reading