I’m conflicted between calm and needing excitement.

The hot: Our last (and second) overnight date saw Leo continue our fisting adventure, this time adding double penetration with his hands and the Hitachi, for long enough at times I almost saw stars.

I could kiss him for hours.

The sweet: Every time he woke up that night, he wrapped me in his arms. He would nuzzle the back of my neck. He gives me bear hugs and tells me how good I feel.

He sends sweet memes.

The work-in-progress: He’s working on his weight loss. A good start, but a long way to go. It’s had an impact on his – ahem – ability to perform. It’s clearly not a deal-breaker for me at this point. Continue reading

An uncomfortable conversation with Alan.

I will apologize again for my current need to write – and edit – posts on my phone. The app does a shit job of linking to past posts (so I don’t bother), I can’t see the flow of the post, it takes forever to write, etc.

Normally I go back a few days later to clean things up; I just haven’t had the chance yet. My home computer decided it was tired of connecting to the internet.

On to Alan. Continue reading

Not looking for a relationship, but will make an exception for the right person.

How often have you seen that statement in an online dating profile? Do you tell yourself you’ll make an exception for the right person, should they come along? That you only want casual encounters but are open to something more if you meet someone worthwhile, or the one?

If I think of my own history, the men I’ve dated while I was clearly (now) not emotionally available for a relationship – Johnny Id, Fox, HWSNBN, most significantly – they weren’t the right men for me anyway.

Or were they? Continue reading

No, Leo, I’m not your girlfriend.

To read about my first and second dates with Leo the technician, follow this link.

We had our third date this past weekend. He arrived early – traffic wasn’t as bad as he’d thought – and I opened my door to him in a bathrobe, wet hair, and a towel. He was all over me and I before too long I was naked on my bed, moaning as he worked his magic.

One reason I like bigger guys is I feel small. I love the feeling of being enveloped by a man. Preferably one with a fuzzy chest and strong arms. Between orgasms, I coiled my fingers in Leo’s grey chest hair and enjoyed the stillness with someone who was all kinds of available to me. I was calm and comfortable.

Half groaning and laughing, he told me I felt amazing in his arms. He couldn’t keep his hands off of me. He said “Ann, you are sexy as FUCK. I don’t know whether to kiss you, hug you, or bite you.”

“Yes to all, please,” I replied. Continue reading

A perfect relationship he always wanted

This is the relationship he always wanted.

I was driving this morning from my hotel to the airport to go home. I’m beyond exhausted, due to a late night rendezvous with a former blogger (the second post will come soon).

I love to drive – not in city traffic, but on winding tree-lined highways where I can exceed the speed limit, if there is one. I listen to music and sing along and think.

Despite my addled sleep deprived state, or perhaps because of it, I had a moment of clarity.

Tony finally has the relationship with me he always wanted. Continue reading

My fiery Aries and me

Sevag and I first communicated on OK Cupid on Saturday, we had an hour long phone conversation on Sunday, met for a coffee date and kiss on Tuesday, had another hour long phone call on Tuesday night, had a drink and amazing sex on Thursday, he came over late on Friday for an overnight and didn’t leave until noon the next morning.

Sunday night he came over late and didn’t leave until 1am. We did nothing but talk and kiss. It was a pretty magical time. He is passionate and romantic and says such lovely things.

The OK Cupid statistics are proving correct; we see eye to eye on most things. Everything from attitudes on relationships to religion (although that’s our lowest match category) and life in general. Continue reading

When to focus on just one person & am I on the rebound?

Sevag (aka HWSNBN – read this to see what I’m talking about) and I agree on a lot. It’s not surprising; the OK Cupid match statistics revealed our “technical” 99% match based on attitudes, beliefs, desires.

One thing he told me (and it was like hearing my own words in someone else’s mouth) was he found online dating addictive. Always wondering what / who else is out there, even when you are communicating with good people. He also told me after meeting me he lost all interest in communicating with anyone else; the first time it’s ever happened for him.

I told him the truth; I had been exclusively reactive since going online, and even then responded to just a few men on the site. Only one other was someone new; the other two were former lovers who wanted to reconnect. Continue reading

And… turns out I was violated multiple times.

As you may have read a little over 12 hours ago, I was set to meet Fox this morning to give him his stuff (at his request). Pyjamas, a sweater, a KISS t-shirt, theater tickets. I included a little gift I’d bought for his daughter when I was away.

He had requested there be no “scene”. He wanted it to be very transactional – here’s your bag, here’s your book, goodbye.

Of course you know that’s not how it went down. Continue reading

I have my priorities straight: sex before food.

Part One

Although Fox and I couldn’t quite get the angle right to really get me going (something I didn’t tell him – all in good time), the kitchen sex was damn hot. We changed things up a few times and I ended up sitting on him as he was on the sturdy bar chair.

At the point when my legs were cramping I needed a change of scenery. We went upstairs to my bedroom, still without having the customary date-starting-drink.

More sex was had. Lots, actually. He takes direction well. He’s learning what I like and I confess I’m soaking in all the attention and will soon need to return the favor.  Continue reading

Dating a Fox.

I will say it once (maybe more than that, but I’m trying). Fox and I do not have the same kind of instant and easy chemistry I have with Tony. Nobody has in the last 27 years. So it just is what it is and I have to move on from it. I’m not saying we have no chemistry – but it’s not the same. I fully expect nothing else will be, and if it is, I will be pleasantly surprised.

However.

There are a LOT of things that Fox does that Tony never did. Wonderful things. Things I need and things I want. This post is about a few of those things.

I like it when Fox kisses me. Physically, he’s given me a full body orgasm every time we’ve had sex, and I never got that with Tony, who only let me be on top three times. Yes, that’s right: three times in seven months. Continue reading