Two steps forward and one step back.

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I had some decisions to make. Did I believe him? Mostly. I knew there was a chance he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, but seeing how uncomfortable he was, and the way he told me, led me to believe there was far more truth to his words than lies.

I didn’t write it all out, but I did challenge him on a number of things during our conversation. The most important for me was how it was possible he didn’t feel comfortable with me, given how open I’d been with him about my own sexuality.

Continue reading

When the inevitable happens.

My last two months has been unusual. A broken leg, being in a cast, mostly house-bound is not what I’m used to.

Before Leo came to see me in the hospital, I hadn’t seen him for six weeks. We’d had three dates and then things went quiet as I dealt with the realization I hadn’t fully detached from Tony. I was crazy busy with work.

I needed some emotional and physical space.

Since my injury, while friends have been visiting, my child has been with me every other week, and I’ve been working at home, my life isn’t the same. It occurred to me, perhaps my situation is heightening my feelings for Leo.  Continue reading

I’m conflicted between calm and needing excitement.

The hot: Our last (and second) overnight date saw Leo continue our fisting adventure, this time adding double penetration with his hands and the Hitachi, for long enough at times I almost saw stars.

I could kiss him for hours.

The sweet: Every time he woke up that night, he wrapped me in his arms. He would nuzzle the back of my neck. He gives me bear hugs and tells me how good I feel.

He sends sweet memes.

The work-in-progress: He’s working on his weight loss. A good start, but a long way to go. It’s had an impact on his – ahem – ability to perform. It’s clearly not a deal-breaker for me at this point. Continue reading

An uncomfortable conversation with Alan.

I will apologize again for my current need to write – and edit – posts on my phone. The app does a shit job of linking to past posts (so I don’t bother), I can’t see the flow of the post, it takes forever to write, etc.

Normally I go back a few days later to clean things up; I just haven’t had the chance yet. My home computer decided it was tired of connecting to the internet.

On to Alan. Continue reading

Not looking for a relationship, but will make an exception for the right person.

How often have you seen that statement in an online dating profile? Do you tell yourself you’ll make an exception for the right person, should they come along? That you only want casual encounters but are open to something more if you meet someone worthwhile, or the one?

If I think of my own history, the men I’ve dated while I was clearly (now) not emotionally available for a relationship – Johnny Id, Fox, HWSNBN, most significantly – they weren’t the right men for me anyway.

Or were they? Continue reading

No, Leo, I’m not your girlfriend.

To read about my first and second dates with Leo the technician, follow this link.

We had our third date this past weekend. He arrived early – traffic wasn’t as bad as he’d thought – and I opened my door to him in a bathrobe, wet hair, and a towel. He was all over me and I before too long I was naked on my bed, moaning as he worked his magic.

One reason I like bigger guys is I feel small. I love the feeling of being enveloped by a man. Preferably one with a fuzzy chest and strong arms. Between orgasms, I coiled my fingers in Leo’s grey chest hair and enjoyed the stillness with someone who was all kinds of available to me. I was calm and comfortable.

Half groaning and laughing, he told me I felt amazing in his arms. He couldn’t keep his hands off of me. He said “Ann, you are sexy as FUCK. I don’t know whether to kiss you, hug you, or bite you.”

“Yes to all, please,” I replied. Continue reading

My fiery Aries and me

Sevag and I first communicated on OK Cupid on Saturday, we had an hour long phone conversation on Sunday, met for a coffee date and kiss on Tuesday, had another hour long phone call on Tuesday night, had a drink and amazing sex on Thursday, he came over late on Friday for an overnight and didn’t leave until noon the next morning.

Sunday night he came over late and didn’t leave until 1am. We did nothing but talk and kiss. It was a pretty magical time. He is passionate and romantic and says such lovely things.

The OK Cupid statistics are proving correct; we see eye to eye on most things. Everything from attitudes on relationships to religion (although that’s our lowest match category) and life in general. Continue reading

When to focus on just one person & am I on the rebound?

Sevag (aka HWSNBN – read this to see what I’m talking about) and I agree on a lot. It’s not surprising; the OK Cupid match statistics revealed our “technical” 99% match based on attitudes, beliefs, desires.

One thing he told me (and it was like hearing my own words in someone else’s mouth) was he found online dating addictive. Always wondering what / who else is out there, even when you are communicating with good people. He also told me after meeting me he lost all interest in communicating with anyone else; the first time it’s ever happened for him.

I told him the truth; I had been exclusively reactive since going online, and even then responded to just a few men on the site. Only one other was someone new; the other two were former lovers who wanted to reconnect. Continue reading

My definition of a serious relationship

Never before have I been able to define so clearly what kind of relationship I want – and how I differentiate between a relationship and a “serious” relationship. Probably worth saying up front: the latter I only want with the right guy.

I had this brainwave because I wasn’t getting it with my ex-boyfriend Tony, and I recognized there was a next level I was ready to move to, and he wasn’t.

I still remember Shenanigan’s definition of serious which was “go to art galleries together”. What a dope. My definition is a little different.

Let’s say you are dating someone, and you spend regular time together each week or every other week, depending on your child care arrangement. You may go out for dinners, see movies, spend the night with each other and go for breakfast the next morning. You may have already had the “let’s only have sex with each other” conversation. Perhaps you’ve gone away for a night or two together. Continue reading

Exclusive but not serious.

A reader commented that my post about exclusivity with Tony sounded “serious”.

I hadn’t really thought about it that way, but it got me thinking – is this serious? Why did I want exclusivity and is it good for me right now?

First things first. I don’t have a lot of time or emotional energy to spend on multiple men right now. I have written about this before.

I need some space to focus on other things in my life. My son, my friends, and work, namely. Taking all this time to find men to date, then actually date them, is exhausting and distracting from other things that matter more. Mentally and emotionally it’s a good thing for me to be able to focus on one person. Continue reading