I have chronic shoulder and neck pain; have probably never mentioned it. It’s stress and posture related, and I was in agony that night. I opened a bottle of prosecco with a goal of getting a little drunk before he showed up. Feeling dramatic, I chose to make the cocktails we had on our first date. Prosecco, ginger liqueur, and orange curaçao. Gorgeous drink. It hurt emotionally to make it.
I wanted all the pain and anger to wash over me. I hadn’t ever really let it all out, I always let Tony’s intentions limit my responses to his actions. In other words, I’ve always told myself since he didn’t intend to hurt me, I could get over it. I have been ultra understanding and kind, this whole time.
But it would be the same thing as me saying HWSNBN’s behavior was okay because he loved me desperately. And I certainly didn’t allow it in that case. Continue reading →
Note: all of the communication below is in text form, not in-person dialogue. I just didn’t bother putting the whole thing in Italics.
I wrote about hearing from Ian (now known in my circles as “Mr Ambiguity”) on Mother’s Day while I heard nothing from Tony. I did hear from him that afternoon, he wished me a Happy Mother’s Day and said he hoped I had fun with Liam.
At about 5pm that day, I texted him to confirm he was coming over around 9pm. I heard nothing. Two hours later, I simply texted “??”. Nothing.
I was exhausted, and decided I wasn’t going to stay up waiting to hear from him. I was asleep before 9:30 at night.
I may not have the flow of this conversation exactly right, but you’ll get the drift. One of these days I will get smart and record them in all of their glory.
Tony told me his Mother is very sick and he found out right before he left on his trip.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I wish there was something I could do.”
I was torn between my gut telling me he been lying and god-knows-what telling me that kind of lying – to me! – was impossible. So I asked some questions to try to get a sense of the truth: Continue reading →
If I try to hammer out 1,000 word posts (my usual) and not have any cliffhangers I think my head will explode. I’ll have too much building up in my brain without writing it down. The only way I’ll be able to update on Ian / Tony / new first date guy is to just write in smaller chunks based on the time I have.
Prior to seeing him yesterday, it had been 2.5 weeks prior. We were supposed to meet the night he ended up being hospitalized. A few days later he came over and I remember feeling that something was just… off.
I’m learning through all these dating experiences that I pick up on far more signals than I am aware of; however knowing what they mean is the key.
Yes, I know grammatically it’s proper to say “clarity to which I’m trying to hold on” or something like that, but I read recently even though proper, it’s offputting to read it that way. So I may just let go of that as well. Leave participles dangling all over the damn place.
It’s been a lovely warm weekend in my city. On Friday I spent the afternoon and overnight with Tony. He was going to accompany me to court, where I was fighting a parking ticket I got, ironically, the last night Johnny was here and got his tattoo. But Tony managed to convince me it was far better for us to stay at my place so he could use some of my toys on me, and we could have a nap.