Previous Post | I was so angry I was shaking. I sent Jack a text that said “You’re back on POF? Wow.” Not surprisingly, he didn’t reply.
I tried to call him twice – once right after my text. and then at night. I’d looked at POF again and saw he’d been active again just a few hours prior. So he had time to be on the site but not reply. Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me
Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me back please. This isn’t the time to play fucking games with me.” I knew he used non-responses as control and I was having none of it.
The next morning I woke up to a text he’d sent past midnight saying he’d just gotten home after a long drive and he would call me tomorrow. Continue reading →
He wanted to move to the other side of the world again. Some of you may remember he moved away a year after he and I split up and was gone for ten months, leaving me as a single parent to an angry little boy. It was during that time I met Tony. Continue reading →
At the time my husband Will and I split up, he had two close male friends. One he’d known since they were pre-teens in school and the other, he’d met through work. I liked both of their wives and the six of us had the occasional dinner with or without our children (who were all in the same age range). So what happened after our “good divorce”?
I was the social convener: other than the occasional email the men might exchange, the women were the ones who made sure plans were executed.
Since Will and I had an amicable divorce, it wasn’t particularly stressful for these friends to keep in touch with me. At least, not from my perspective. For the last two years, I’ve seen the women every few months. The “work wife” and I see each other only at these dinners. The “school wife” and I are good friends; she was my travel partner on my recent trip and I see her one-on-one as well. Continue reading →
I’ve been craving bad food for weeks now and am back to my daily drinking. Before anyone worries excessively about my alcohol consumption, I will be specific. Prior to getting sick in the Fall, I had a glass of wine or two each night. I wouldn’t drink to get drunk but certainly felt the effects.
Being sick ended that. I didn’t feel like it and I also realized it wasn’t the healthiest habit. A drink a day is fine but I definitely exceeded that on a regular basis.
However I realized in recent weeks I’m back to my old habits. In addition, I’ve been craving sweets (normally just a once a month thing) and bad food in general. And giving in to those cravings. Continue reading →
I had a post in draft format prior to my date with Tony on Wednesday. It thanked everyone for their great advice and laid out a plan of what I was going to address (the ED) and how I was thinking about the other discussion I wanted to have.
At one point I said:
And the whole choice verses default thing I’m struggling with so much right now?
I can’t push for an answer. He’s told me what he can. Which is he doesn’t want to date others, he likes what we have going, and he thinks we are doing well. His actions reinforce this. I know he likes me. Do I want to know more? Yes. Will he have an answer different from a few weeks ago? Probably not.
My core dilemma is this:
How do I not let him “set the pace of everything” as one in my sisterhood wrote recently? How do I find the balance between chilling the hell out and being true to my actual needs and wants? When is talking myself out of those needs too much?
How do I make sure I don’t make the same mistakes again?
There is no easy answer. No script. Even if I script my actions and words, I don’t know Tony’s.
I took Tony to his first symphony last night. With a meeting cancelled at the last minute, I met him early at a local pub to watch a sporting event. He’d never seen me in work wear before and when I strolled in with skirt suit and 3.5″ heels, he commented on how good I looked. As usual he smelled amazing and gave me the best appreciative looks and I soaked it all in. I was only one of two women patrons in the entire bar.
We watched the game and he taught me some rules and we had a couple of drinks and in between plays we chatted. He thinks I’m good luck for his team and I teased appropriately for this opinion (of course I also joked that two years now he would be saying “omg she drives me insane but she’s good for the team”).
The guy sitting next to us at the bar looked like a corporate version of Ariel. It was disconcerting and I had to look really closely to make sure it wasn’t him. He so pathetically flirted with the female bartender when he sat down, but that’s a whole other post. Continue reading →