Coming up for air with Christmas cock

My head is finally starting to clear.

It was three weeks ago tomorrow when I broke my leg, and I’ve left my house only twice since. Once to go to a holiday concert at my son’s school (the day after I came home from the hospital; still not sure how I managed), and once to go to my Mom’s for Christmas eve and morning.

It feels like a blur. I can hardly believe it’s been three weeks; it seems like a long weekend. But the hospital stay, after-effects of surgery, taking Oxycontin as a painkiller, and the monotony of laying on my couch every single day and watching TV or movies probably have something to do with that.

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The slow sucking of quicksand…

This title made sense to me in the late hour I was drafting notes for this post, but today when I looked again I laughed out loud when I saw “slow” and “quick” in the title. I’m leaving it flawed, because it seems appropriate. I’ve never pretended to be anything but.

I’ve seen him again. More than once.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this situation, what the hell I’m doing, and I come up devoid of the words to make sense of it. I will most certainly write more about it, but what I know is it’s doing more good than harm – for the moment. Continue reading

Tony Tony Tony Tony Tony

I’ve mentioned Tony a few times here and there since our breakup, but mostly in passing. I guess I felt like I was in pretty good mental shape when it came to him (Tony, that is), so I didn’t spend a lot of time worrying or analyzing.

I saw him a few weeks after our breakup, at the end of January.

I can no longer recall if I mentioned the Valentine’s gift I bought for Tony. It was a vintage Hermes tie with a cactus and hedgehog pattern. Simply perfect…me as the cactus and him the hedgehog. I once said to him even if I was a cactus I would be dying from his lack of care and feeding. It became a running joke between us. Continue reading

An early Valentine’s present for Tony, and one for me: realizing I’m fine

I have been talking to Tony off and on in the last three weeks since we broke up. The first week, there were gaps of two or three days before some brief text exchanges.

We’ve spoken on the phone twice, neither conversations about us as much as continuing to update each other on our lives.

In the heat of the breakup, I bought him a Valentine’s Day present. Yes, I could argue with myself about the necessity. But I won’t. It was a gift of opportunity – he and I had been talking about ties, Hermes ties in particular, and I found a vintage Hermes tie with a cactus pattern. Continue reading

#14 Puts a smile on my face.

I mentioned the symphony date on my last post. #14 and I haven’t been texting since we made our date, but this morning I woke up to this:

Good morning sexy. Not sure how much a man is supposed to confess in states of arousal. But at the risk of being inappropriate…

I know you mentioned some relationship pains. Hope you’re coping well as can be hoped. 

That said, I must share that I have been finding myself if various states of arousal thinking of you. Happy to be your distraction if you so choose. I suggest you wear some sexy heels and underwear for our eve. I have been battling many sensual images sitting next to you at the symphony. Waking up early and aroused and enjoying the temptation of pleasing myself without release. Letting the sexual tension build with daily images of my mouth, lips and tongue on your wet lips. 

Happy Thursday. 


Wow. I think (and told him) that it probably the best good morning text message I’ve ever received.

My brain is circling around thoughts of sexual power, vulnerability, objectification, and promiscuity. I’m not sure where it’s going to land, but the past week has got me thinking.

How does this happen so quickly, and talking to Tony.

This happens enough that I wonder if there’s some truth to an ability to just “put things out into the universe”. I won’t profess to know either way, but it does make for fun blog posts if nothing else. I can think of at least three past blog posts similar to this one.

Last week, the day I had my morning talk with Tony, I heard from none other than the Comedian. He’d gone silent in the early summer after a string of romantic and sweet messages to me. I figured he had a girlfriend and just couldn’t figure out how to stay in touch as friends.  Continue reading

I tried to sweat, talk, and fuck him out of my system.

I’ve written a few times that my weight is higher than I want – and not in a vague “oh gee I should weigh less” way, but a “jeez NONE of my suits fit” way. A practical and financial dilemma as my entire wardrobe was literally downsized when my weight went down a couple of years ago and remained stable.

I started seeing a trainer in late November and he made it hard for me to function courtesy of his short but all-body workouts on a torture device called the TRX. Sometimes I can barely lift my arms to wash my hair afterwards.

I started to also go to the gym on my own to get on the treadmill. Once before Christmas, and a couple of times afterwards. My Mom got me a basic Fitbit for Christmas which has been great to know how much of a slug I usually am. I’m starting a new project at work and am in a slight lull this week and decided to get my ass into the gym. I have plans every day but there is no reason I can’t go after work for a little bit. It’s better than going home and drowning my sorrows in alcohol and left over holiday treats. Continue reading

I got on the Tony ride and turns out, it's going somewhere.

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I called Tony the next morning to make arrangements. Keenly aware he was doing me a big favor, I was tripping over myself to make sure it was okay. He said “Lady, just tell me the plan and I’ll do it.”

He met me at the car place; I hopped in his car and we drove to a local deli he’d researched.

On the drive there, when I told him my car wouldn’t be ready until late that afternoon, he told me his plan was to take me back to his place, have lots of sex, maybe get me stoned, have more sex. Continue reading

Back on the Tony ride; trying to walk the tightrope

And yes, I know I’m mixing my ride and show metaphors. But just work with me, k?

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During the chaos of being sick and Hy & Shenanigans, all I really wanted was for Tony to come over. He was already at home in bed when I finally managed to get my phone from my kitchen, walking by naked couch sex in progress. But he said he’d come over early. I woke up at 5am and unlocked my door, then sent him a text telling him it was open.

It wasn’t until a few hours later that he texted to ask if I was up; I told him I was, but felt like death, and he said he’d bring lattes. I asked him to get four since Hy’s dude was still around. I wasn’t about to tell Tony that Hy’s guy was actually my guy. No need. Continue reading