I have chronic shoulder and neck pain; have probably never mentioned it. It’s stress and posture related, and I was in agony that night. I opened a bottle of prosecco with a goal of getting a little drunk before he showed up. Feeling dramatic, I chose to make the cocktails we had on our first date. Prosecco, ginger liqueur, and orange curaçao. Gorgeous drink. It hurt emotionally to make it.
I wanted all the pain and anger to wash over me. I hadn’t ever really let it all out, I always let Tony’s intentions limit my responses to his actions. In other words, I’ve always told myself since he didn’t intend to hurt me, I could get over it. I have been ultra understanding and kind, this whole time.
But it would be the same thing as me saying HWSNBN’s behavior was okay because he loved me desperately. And I certainly didn’t allow it in that case. Continue reading →
Note: all of the communication below is in text form, not in-person dialogue. I just didn’t bother putting the whole thing in Italics.
I wrote about hearing from Ian (now known in my circles as “Mr Ambiguity”) on Mother’s Day while I heard nothing from Tony. I did hear from him that afternoon, he wished me a Happy Mother’s Day and said he hoped I had fun with Liam.
At about 5pm that day, I texted him to confirm he was coming over around 9pm. I heard nothing. Two hours later, I simply texted “??”. Nothing.
I was exhausted, and decided I wasn’t going to stay up waiting to hear from him. I was asleep before 9:30 at night.
I may not have the flow of this conversation exactly right, but you’ll get the drift. One of these days I will get smart and record them in all of their glory.
Tony told me his Mother is very sick and he found out right before he left on his trip.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I wish there was something I could do.”
I was torn between my gut telling me he been lying and god-knows-what telling me that kind of lying – to me! – was impossible. So I asked some questions to try to get a sense of the truth: Continue reading →
If I try to hammer out 1,000 word posts (my usual) and not have any cliffhangers I think my head will explode. I’ll have too much building up in my brain without writing it down. The only way I’ll be able to update on Ian / Tony / new first date guy is to just write in smaller chunks based on the time I have.
Prior to seeing him yesterday, it had been 2.5 weeks prior. We were supposed to meet the night he ended up being hospitalized. A few days later he came over and I remember feeling that something was just… off.
I’m learning through all these dating experiences that I pick up on far more signals than I am aware of; however knowing what they mean is the key.
If you haven’t read part one, you may want to. He finished his version before I finished my part two, so wanted to go ahead and share it with you.
These are his unedited words. You can see why I bask in them. Enjoy.
Honestly, I never thought we’d meet. Not out of lack of interest, mind you, but circumstances, distances and timing always seemed to work against us. But interest? Oh, interest was always there…how could it not be? For over two years, we’d danced a delicate dervish of flirtation and fantasy, getting to know one another’s nooks and crannies mentally, if not physically. From the start, she’d hooked me with her words; her passionate honesty, her fervid adventures, her moments of joy and yes, her moments of doubt. Every single word written with a delightful blend of intimate truthfulness and evident lust. The very combination that drives a man like me wild. Continue reading →
Yesterday I couldn’t keep it in anymore and had to tell him how I felt. You can read about it here if you haven’t already. I had gone to work and between meetings was reading comments and realized there was just so much more brewing in my head.
I had to get it out, so I just started typing. All the things I wanted to say to him but had never dared. The things I needed him to know. And probably most importantly, the things I know have to change for me to continue in this relationship with him. Continue reading →
I’m writing this from the balcony of our hotel room. Ann St. Vincent is in Jamaica with my boyfriend Tony and I don’t regret my choice one bit. More about why in an upcoming post. Apologies in advance for typos or lack of my usual editing.
When Tony first told me about going out for dinner with his wife that night, I was stunned. I was conflicted in wanting to talk about it and also just wanting to get off the phone. My son Liam was in the next room and I wanted to be measured somewhat in my response to Tony.
But he could hear the sobs in my voice, just under the surface, and wanted to talk to me. It’s not worth recounting the entire thirty minute conversation, but he talked about how the guy who inviting him wasn’t someone he told anything personal to, the invitation went to Mary’s house, he cared about me so much, etcetera. I’m NOT for one moment excusing the decision. Continue reading →
I’ve been reading the Winnie the Pooh stories to my son Liam. He’s enjoyed them even though he thought they were for younger children. One of my favorite phrases (lost on the child, no doubt), is when Milne refers to Rabbit’s “friends and relations”, who are often present.
Tony coming back into my life has got me thinking (no shit, many of you will say) about my life and what I need in it. Tony and Fox couldn’t be more different men. I had all the lovely things with Fox and it felt wonderful. It was nice to be treated so well and have no doubt about how a man felt about me. It was intoxicating to think about having someone in my life as a partner and lover – someone who wanted to fully integrate into my world. Continue reading →