there's no lack of attention online dating

Balance and patience when online dating.

I’m back online dating on Plenty of Fish and as expected, it has not been without hilarity and offense. Contrary to popular opinion that its filled with bottom feeders, I believe there are plenty (see what I did there) of quality men on the site. After all, it’s where I met Fox and Tony and no matter what happened in our relationships, bottom feeders they were not.

I don’t think the site has changed since I’ve been on there last (a year, maybe two?), but I definitely have. And it makes all the difference in how online dating feels. Continue reading

I have no secrets now.

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Leo, you’re on Facebook but not other social media, why is that?”

“I’m not very active on Facebook, Ann. I figure those people who want to know about my life will pick up the phone.”

“Yeah, I get that. What do you think about people who share a lot online?”

“Well it all depends, I think it’s attention seeking sometimes which just isn’t me. Why do you ask?”

“Have you ever looked up my profile on Facebook?” Continue reading

Kyle needs to talk.

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I’d had a lot of time over the last few months to try to figure out, without overanalyzing, what the fuck Kyle’s deal was. I didn’t doubt his interest in me – he had the intention to see me / date me – however in practice it completely fell down.

Bottom line, dating me was not a priority. I would have bet he wasn’t dating others, so I didn’t get the sense he had other women that came first. Of course, being the last wife in the harem holds no appeal to me. It was harder to accept that even if I was the only one he was interested in, his behavior was still uncool. Continue reading

The elusive creature named Kyle

I think this might be a record for slowest relationship start – scratch that, since I don’t know if this is the start of anything whatsoever. The magic 8 ball aka my Mother says yes but this has not been an auspicious start.

This is the longest it’s taken me to have four dates with anyone. I don’t count Jake since we stopped after the first.

Dates isn’t even a great term. The first meeting was a pre clearance date. Then a dinner date, then a spontaneous late night discussion on my couch, and most recently, another couch conversation in lieu of what was supposed to be a date.

Three months from our first contact.  Continue reading

a good date, then uncertainty

A tall attempt to counteract my cynicism

I decided to try Bumble again in the midst of relative silence from Ian. Perhaps I judged the app too harshly last time. And I just wanted a distraction. I fully admitted to myself I wanted to seek out someone who captured my fancy and who was worthy of my attention.

My second experience was pretty much the same as the first. Although as if they heard my feedback, they adjusted the app so a man now has to also respond (the first time) within 24 hours. Ghosting is eliminated in the first exchange at least.

So after a couple of texts with a few men, the conversations dwindled. Nothing worth writing about. Continue reading

won't be part of his deception

I won’t be an actor in a play filled with lies

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For the first time ever, Tony told me he loved me. Despite some of you thinking it was manipulative, it seemed to me to be said more from surprise and compassion. I’d suspected for a long time he did love me, but it was wonderful to finally hear it.

Even if it was too late, and wouldn’t change a thing.

I punched him in the chest and say “you ass, why didn’t you ever tell me that before?”

He just looked at me blankly and said “I dunno Ann. Because I’m a guy? But I do love you.”

Continue reading

plenty of shit has me depressed

I’m trying to avoid being buried by the bullshit

I know I’ve not written at my usual pace. It’s not that I don’t have posts swirling around in my head. There are far too many words to write.

I am working on the next post about Ian. It’s a doozy. But I needed to step away from that to just dump the other shit I’m dealing with out on a page.

First shit? Will, my ex-husband.

He wanted to move to the other side of the world again. Some of you may remember he moved away a year after he and I split up and was gone for ten months, leaving me as a single parent to an angry little boy. It was during that time I met Tony. Continue reading

Falling quickly into the easy intimacy with Tony.

I didn’t write about this moment with the man I was dating, but it was a revelation for me. It was after our weekend together, and after I’d told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship or to be exclusive.

He wanted to re-hash the reasons why, so I did. I explained in broad strokes what happened with Tony. He looked at me and asked two very simple questions.

1) Did I want Tony back? Continue reading

He did the right thing.

I spoke to Tony early one morning and then sent him an email the next day. My actions and words were deliberate. The words were the right ones for me; I simply had to draw my line in the sand. I knew the risks. I also knew that an email was better than trying to get all of that out in a conversation. Tony listens, absorbs, and processes on his own.

I sent the email yesterday morning and we were supposed to have a dinner and overnight date. When I called him around lunch time to sort out plans, he said he was going to come over early afternoon to my place (I was working from home). When I asked about dinner he was cagey.

In my gut, I knew what was going to happen.

Continue reading

More words for Tony. He’s such a lucky guy.

Yesterday I couldn’t keep it in anymore and had to tell him how I felt. You can read about it here if you haven’t already. I had gone to work and between meetings was reading comments and realized there was just so much more brewing in my head.

WAY more.

I had to get it out, so I just started typing. All the things I wanted to say to him but had never dared. The things I needed him to know. And probably most importantly, the things I know have to change for me to continue in this relationship with him. Continue reading