Kyle needs to talk.

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I’d had a lot of time over the last few months to try to figure out, without overanalyzing, what the fuck Kyle’s deal was. I didn’t doubt his interest in me – he had the intention to see me / date me – however in practice it completely fell down.

Bottom line, dating me was not a priority. I would have bet he wasn’t dating others, so I didn’t get the sense he had other women that came first. Of course, being the last wife in the harem holds no appeal to me. It was harder to accept that even if I was the only one he was interested in, his behavior was still uncool. Continue reading

The elusive creature named Kyle

I think this might be a record for slowest relationship start – scratch that, since I don’t know if this is the start of anything whatsoever. The magic 8 ball aka my Mother says yes but this has not been an auspicious start.

This is the longest it’s taken me to have four dates with anyone. I don’t count Jake since we stopped after the first.

Dates isn’t even a great term. The first meeting was a pre clearance date. Then a dinner date, then a spontaneous late night discussion on my couch, and most recently, another couch conversation in lieu of what was supposed to be a date.

Three months from our first contact.  Continue reading

a good date, then uncertainty

A tall attempt to counteract my cynicism

I decided to try Bumble again in the midst of relative silence from Ian. Perhaps I judged the app too harshly last time. And I just wanted a distraction. I fully admitted to myself I wanted to seek out someone who captured my fancy and who was worthy of my attention.

My second experience was pretty much the same as the first. Although as if they heard my feedback, they adjusted the app so a man now has to also respond (the first time) within 24 hours. Ghosting is eliminated in the first exchange at least.

So after a couple of texts with a few men, the conversations dwindled. Nothing worth writing about. Continue reading

won't be part of his deception

I won’t be an actor in a play filled with lies

Previous Post

For the first time ever, Tony told me he loved me. Despite some of you thinking it was manipulative, it seemed to me to be said more from surprise and compassion. I’d suspected for a long time he did love me, but it was wonderful to finally hear it.

Even if it was too late, and wouldn’t change a thing.

I punched him in the chest and say “you ass, why didn’t you ever tell me that before?”

He just looked at me blankly and said “I dunno Ann. Because I’m a guy? But I do love you.”

Continue reading

plenty of shit has me depressed

I’m trying to avoid being buried by the bullshit

I know I’ve not written at my usual pace. It’s not that I don’t have posts swirling around in my head. There are far too many words to write.

I am working on the next post about Ian. It’s a doozy. But I needed to step away from that to just dump the other shit I’m dealing with out on a page.

First shit? Will, my ex-husband.

He wanted to move to the other side of the world again. Some of you may remember he moved away a year after he and I split up and was gone for ten months, leaving me as a single parent to an angry little boy. It was during that time I met Tony. Continue reading

Falling quickly into the easy intimacy with Tony.

I didn’t write about this moment with the man I was dating, but it was a revelation for me. It was after our weekend together, and after I’d told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship or to be exclusive.

He wanted to re-hash the reasons why, so I did. I explained in broad strokes what happened with Tony. He looked at me and asked two very simple questions.

1) Did I want Tony back? Continue reading

I puked these words all over him

He came over after Liam fell asleep, to exchange presents and sleep over.

He’d asked me that afternoon if I could “dress for him”: my tennis shirt, his favorite bra, a specific shirt.

I was worried his gifts would be all sex related and they weren’t. He’d put thought into what I might like: handcrafted tonic for amazing gin and tonics, gift certificates for a customized sports jersey for my favorite team, a double ended dildo that enters me and allows me to peg him without a harness, thigh high socks for a fantasy look.

The socks were presented first, added to my outfit, and finished off with my high top Converse chucks. He admired the view as I bent over to put them on, grabbing my hips and dry humping me from behind. Continue reading

Grey Knight’s version of meeting me & an update on Tony

I recently wrote about meeting the blogger Grey Knight. Turns out, he wrote about meeting me as well. I always find it fascinating to see myself through others’ eyes, and this is no exception.

If you’re interested, you can read his account of our meeting here: Meeting Ann St Vincent.

Enjoy!

And in other news, I’m only starting to feel like myself again. This illness kicked the crap out of me the last week. I’ve seen Tony just once but we’ve talked on the phone every day. I’m not sure my head is in a much better place, in fact I’d still say I’m morose, since he told me yet again he’s not 100% sure he’s not going to go back to his ex. While I don’t want to read into it, it does help explain why he doesn’t like “labels” like “exclusive” or “boyfriend” because those show a commitment he can’t quite make. It definitely helps me explain why I haven’t met his son. Etcetera. 

And there’s no vacation set yet. He asked his ex (I’m sure he didn’t say he was going with a GIRLFRIEND) and she wasn’t “all that receptive” to him being gone for five days. So looks like I’m at her mercy in more ways than one. He insists he wants to go away with me. It’s not personal. 

I don’t want to write about it. I don’t want to think about it. But the record keeps playing in my head. 

How to split up friends when you split up.

At the time my husband Will and I split up, he had two close male friends. One he’d known since they were pre-teens in school and the other, he’d met through work. I liked both of their wives and the six of us had the occasional dinner with or without our children (who were all in the same age range).

I was the social convener: other than the occasional email the men might exchange, the women were the ones who made sure plans were executed.

Since Will and I had an amicable divorce, it wasn’t particularly stressful for these friends to keep in touch with me. At least, not from my perspective. For the last two years, I’ve seen the women every few months. The “work wife” and I see each other only at these dinners. The “school wife” and I are good friends; she was my travel partner on my recent trip and I see her one-on-one as well.  Continue reading

Two years ago | Yet another sign.

Some dates will always stick in my head. My wedding date. The day Will and I decided our marriage was over, and the day I moved out.

I moved out just over two years ago. I didn’t note the anniversary because I am on vacation and didn’t know the date. Which is an awesome thing.

But here’s what I found amazing.  Continue reading