I’m angry for me, and the sisterhood.

Previous Post | I was so angry I was shaking. I sent Jack a text that said “You’re back on POF? Wow.” Not surprisingly, he didn’t reply.

I tried to call him twice – once right after my text. and then at night. I’d looked at POF again and saw he’d been active again just a few hours prior. So he had time to be on the site but not reply. Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me

Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me back please. This isn’t the time to play fucking games with me.” I knew he used non-responses as control and I was having none of it.

The next morning I woke up to a text he’d sent past midnight saying he’d just gotten home after a long drive and he would call me tomorrow. Continue reading

dumb ways to get a woman back

Alan and the cheese.

I like wine and cheese. Along with kissing, they provide some of my life’s greatest pleasure.

I guess I served Alan some great cheese (not uncommon) because he’s used it as the rationale to reach out to me three times since I broke it off. Well, he used other methods as well to try to see me again, the most memorable being a naked mirror selfie of himself with a hard-on, wearing a Trump mask.

Yes, you read that right.  Continue reading

the universe sometimes provides what you need

I may be dropped, but I bounce.

So, Jack broke up with me. It’s been a pretty rare occurrence in the past four years, which I suppose makes me lucky. Not that I haven’t been heartbroken, but I usually do the ending it.

I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I hadn’t fallen in love, and I appreciated Jack’s honesty and reasonably early recognition that he wasn’t emotionally ready for any form of relationship. On the other hand, I really liked Jack and saw potential with him, and am frustrated with how things played out.

Of course, I do wonder if he will come to a later conclusion that I also wasn’t the right person for him. I still don’t know if readiness can be forced, or overlooked, for the right person. Continue reading

A 21-hour date wasn’t enough.

Jack and I had an overnight date planned – a late dinner one night, and a midday sporting double date the next.

He had a hospital visit after work so arrived around 8 pm. I said I’d be fine to stay in if he preferred, but he insisted he wanted to go out. Beer and wine in hand we chilled and chatted on my couch. As he started to relax and come down after his crazy 10 days he decided he’d rather order in. It was fine by me.

I can’t even remember all of the things we talked about. Our day-to-day lives, work, politics, relationship. It continues to flow so easily with him. Continue reading

Jake, not Jack

It had been many months since we’d seen each other. When I activated my profile on Plenty of Fish, he was there. I was a bit surprised since I figured his contribution to our mutual fadeaway was having met someone else. He sent me a short message and we quickly established the fade wasn’t deliberate on either of our parts. He thought I was no longer interested, and I told him since he’d left my last text message hanging and never reached out again, he had moved on.

Wrong.

He’s a parent as well, so finding a time to meet is never a slam dunk. But we settled on a date to go to a sporting event together, and when he expressed dismay at having almost two weeks to see me, we agreed he would come over one evening as well.

I have always liked his physicality. He’s a tall man at 6’3″, and is also big. He’s broad shouldered and bulky. He’s gained some weight and ironically perhaps is the same weight as Leo, but his physicality is so different it didn’t literally or figuratively get in the way.

He greeted me with a big messy kiss. I didn’t remember his kisses being so… wet. It got better throughout the night but I’ve got to say, if your partner needs to wipe their mouth and face after a kiss, tone it down.

He’d told me he hadn’t had sex in a while, but I still expected a little more conversation before he wanted to go upstairs. But I was happy to be in the capable hands of a good partner. 

I’ve said before about Jake: he’s got the right mix for a casual partner. He’s a technically proficient lover, and he’s also sensual and emotional. He’s not the fuck-and-leave type. Nor does he want to sleep over. He loves to please his partner, and I’m quite willing to be on the receiving end.

The sex was great. I was reminded that someone’s weight is not necessarily a predictor of their physical capability. Where Leo could only handle one position and only went down on me twice, Jake expertly moved me from back to front, took me from the end of my bed with him standing on the floor, made me squirt, cum from oral, and the list goes on.

We missed our sporting-event-then-sex date because I was felled with a migraine. I thought perhaps he would come over just to hang it and perhaps increase my blood flow (it helps with my migraines) but he chose to spend time with his son instead.

Shortly after, Jack asked for exclusivity and I said yes. 

I let Jake know via text (I don’t think we’ve ever spoken on the phone):

Hey Jake – hope you had a good week and some fun planned for the weekend?

I wanted to let you know I met someone I met on POF who prefers to date one person at a time… he may have some potential so I’ve agreed to do that. Figure I will know pretty quickly whether there’s anything real with him…

But it does mean I’m not going to mess around with anyone else in the meantime.

I know you’ll understand and I do want to keep in touch if you’re okay with that.

He was totally cool with it. We both know it could happen with either of us and I appreciate him being chill instead of weird.
He said he hoped it would work out for me. Which is the sign of a quality  dude, given he’s perhaps permanently losing a lover.

I choose well.

He opened his eyes

He opened his eyes.

After a weekend with our respective children, Jack and I had a date. It’s a blossoming early relationship.

Midway through the day, we connected to finalize plans. He told me he was sorry but he wasn’t going to see me as early as expected: he had to go to the hospital to visit his parent. It was going to be 9 pm before he would arrive.

I was disappointed but obviously understood a critically ill parent took precedence, especially given he hadn’t been able to visit for a few days due to his move. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to go for a late bite to eat, have a drink, and go back to my place. Deal. Continue reading

when online dating brings you a good match

When the others fall away.

[Part 3 of our date is coming, but I wasn’t in the right head space yesterday to write it – Jack and I have had a slight communication hiccup (I’m sure that’s all it is) – and I knew it would affect my accurate depiction of the rest of our night together. So here’s a post I’d scheduled originally for tomorrow.]

:::

It’s the difference between “sure, this is okay” and “FUCK YES”. I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. I did about Kyle, but his unresponsiveness killed it.  He was a “fuck yes” for me, but I wasn’t for him. (And if you haven’t read the Mark Manson article on it, check it out here). Online dating sometimes serves up a great potential match.

When the intellectual and physical chemistry is truly there, all others fall away. And if they don’t, that person isn’t doing it for you.

I hid my POF profile on Sunday. I told the two men I was having conversations with that I was going offline because I’d met someone I wanted to focus on, but if I came back I would reach out. They both replied they appreciated the message and wished me luck. Continue reading

flirting via text

The coffee date flirtatious follow-up

I bounced up my stairs and got my stuff together for work. We had an awesome text exchange throughout the day, and I think the best thing is to just share it verbatim. My texts are in Italics.

10:12am

It was a pleasure meeting you! (I really wanted to kiss you goodbye, BTW).

Think about the anticipation for our next date. I did and do too, BTW.

Oh indeed. And I’m glad to hear it!

11:20am

Now I wished I kissed you. Lol. Continue reading

defining attraction and appeal

Defining attraction and appeal

A recent post by a fellow blogger got me thinking about what really matters to me in choosing who to engage with on an online dating site. Who am I attracted to, and why? How does attraction work?

As anyone who has been reading me for a while knows, I am rather analytical. It’s one of the things that makes me very good at my job and naturally it carries over into my personal life. And the things I learn at work apply as well – in this case, my approach to dating can be summed up as “test and learn”.

I’m not going to get all corporate speak on you. But the idea is when making changes, try some different things, see how they work, and learn from it.  Continue reading

a real dating fail

I knew better. Or did I?

Well, he lasted 5 days. I knew it was unlikely he would suddenly change his behavior, but I did have hope there would continue to be progress. After all, he said our date last week that he wanted to see more of me, and that he’d try to be more communicative. But yet, another dating fail.

But really, what kind of person says that, and hears someone say “look I get that you’re busy but all I’m asking for right now is that you don’t ignore my texts, and just 5 days later does exactly that?

I know how this will play out if I bothered to call him out on it: Continue reading