Clearing the stable – for me.

I told my Instagram people on both my Ann St. Vincent and my real life account that I was taking a break for a while. I found myself doing dumb things like looking at certain men’s accounts who I was trying to move beyond. It was silly and unproductive.

I went through all of my messaging accounts and deleted the men who I was hoping would maybe come back, but knew they wouldn’t. In WhatsApp, I even deleted the archived exchanges (after downloading them, in case I ever wanted to reference them for the blog). The temptation is too strong when I see a text history.

Continue reading


They aren’t catfish, Part 2

Part One – being catfished

A couple of days of texting later, I asked whether he wanted to meet for a coffee or drink. He said yes, but he didn’t “really know” where I was. When I said my precise location didn’t matter, he called me “miss spy”. We made plans to meet after work that Friday, and our texting for the next day was perfectly normal.

That was Tuesday.

He didn’t text again.

On Saturday, the day after our supposed date, I texted “what happened to us going out yesterday after work” and he replied the next day “I don’t know, I never heard back you disappeared for two days.” He said he wanted to try again. Continue reading

He’s a lying sack of shit.

Jack and I spoke last week midweek. I’m not sure I will ever speak to him again.

He’d asked for a copy of the dating story about us I’d written for a local paper. We’d had a brief text exchange in which he said “you can text me anytime”, to which I replied given he was so bad at responding with any speed it didn’t make me want to text him. He said he was in therapy and was learning that not replying was a form of control for him.

I called him because I didn’t want my reply to be spread out over the course of several days. I said my issue was that a lack of response was inconsiderate and disrespectful. He sounded like crap. I asked if the therapy was helping and he said he’d had only two sessions so far. He said he’d talked to his ex-girlfriend which helped him process things, but she had little time for it because she had already worked through it. Shocker. Continue reading

Dating sucks

Date frustrations

I shut down my OK Cupid profile and my just-recently-opened Plenty of Fish profile. Bumble went down as well, after sending a note to just one man telling him I wasn’t unmatching him and giving him my number in case he wanted to reach out.

It’s not for lack of messages. If I only wanted to men to take me out for dinner or have sex I’d be golden. But I’m ultimately looking for a boyfriend. So as I’ve said for a long time now, I don’t engage with every man who comes along. And I don’t mind the bad, rude, crass, or simply inane opening messages. I don’t mind hearing from 21 year-olds who swear I’m the hottest thing they’ve seen. It’s just noise and sometimes the messages are amusing.

I wouldn’t even be in this mental place if I’d met some guys and went on some dates and it didn’t work out. I’m okay with either me or him deciding the right dating chemistry isn’t there between us.

But what I can’t stand is experiencing shitty and dismissive behavior over and over again. Don’t like me? Fine. But grow some fucking balls and exit gracefully. Continue reading

Civility shouldn’t be rare. Or, why I almost cried twice in 24 hours.

I’m on a plane flying home from New York, where I’ve been the last several days. It was wonderful but I always look forward to getting home after too many nights in a hotel room. A breakfast of bacon, eggs, some toast and coffee should not cost $35 US.

I did not seek a debaucherous vacation, nor did debauchery find me anyway. As you know, sometimes it comes to you. I am however sporting four very large hickeys on the front of my neck, with no concealer to be found. But that’s not the reason I’m writing at the moment.

My level of patience and optimism with my dating life has been cyclical – right now I’m in a place where the lack of common decency shown by so many gets to me. It’s not just my experience, it’s those of my friends as well.  Continue reading

A fantasy come true: lingerie under a trench coat 

It’s unseasonably warm here; we’ve been breaking records courtesy of El Niño.

I offered to Tony on Friday night to come to him, instead of having him come to my place, given how stressed he was. My team was coming over to my place for dinner and drinks but since I’d been sick I hadn’t had any alcohol; so I was perfectly fine to not imbibe with them.

We left the office early and they started drinking at my place before 3pm. I nursed sparkling water. The stories we shared could fill a few sexy blog posts. My gay male team member has a fantastic story of an encounter with a micro penis. Maybe I should write it; it’s a tragicomedy. Continue reading

Two and-a-half answers, with my cards on the table.

Tony came to my party, which was a great success. He missed meeting a few close friends who had to leave early, but that certainly wasn’t a big deal.

Despite working non-stop for the last three days and being exhausted, he still came. He mingled, and he fell asleep cold with nary a kiss goodnight. I had told him there would be no pressure for anything last night – I was just pleased he wanted to come.

I will write more about what happened this morning, as I am still processing it.

We woke up. We had short but sweet sex. And then, I asked him what I’ve been wanting to ask for a while.

I asked him whether he’d made a decision about getting back together with his ex-wife. Continue reading

Dinner with a real gentleman

When I was on vacation, I had dinner with a friend whom I used to work with. I met him when I met Faraway Lover, but we were always just friends.

Out of the group of ten of us, half are now split from our spouses.

Anyway. As I think about how shitty some of my experiences have been dating, it was nice to know that there are men out there who really, truly, know how to treat a woman.

My friend is a consummate gentleman. He also happens to be very affectionate. But honourable. Continue reading