No, you’re not going crazy.

Edit: I removed the ability to make comments on this post. Given what was being said, it’s the kind of commentary I didn’t want my friend to have to read – one reason I didn’t post the whole story in the first place. I was angry, but I’ve moved past it. Life is too short and friendships are too valuable. I know you’ll understand.

::

Some of you may have seen a notification of a post called “Well that was a bad idea.” You’re not crazy. But it was published and taken down within a matter of minutes. It was a mistake.

It doesn’t happen often that I elect to take down posts – in fact, only twice in the history of my blog. When I was breaking up with fellow blogger Johnny Id I steadfastly refused to do anything but post it all here. We met as bloggers, he knew I wrote about everything, and I prioritized my need to keep this space as my own, with my truth, over keeping it private between us.  It was divisive and ugly.

There’s a difference between knowing the truth and seeing it shared publicly.

However, the story of Ali / Sevag / HWSNBN was removed because I was quite literally being threatened. My personal safety was in question and as much as I wanted to keep the story up, it wasn’t worth the risk.

This time, the thing that is a risk is a friendship, and ultimately, as much as I wrote a post that I think is balanced and fair, and is from my perspective, there’s a friend on the other end.

So what the fuck happened,? I met that guy for a coffee date. It was amazing: the aftermath wasn’t. Turns out I shouldn’t go on dates where there are blurred lines between the guy and one of my friends. I should have known better. So it’s done with him.

#clusterfuck

chemistry and sensual sex

A dinner date for my history book: Part 3

Previous Post 

It didn’t take long after sitting on my couch before we started kissing again. We’d had almost four hours of talking and there was no need for any more.

Luxuriating in a kiss is truly one of life’s great pleasures. There’s a time and place for moving quickly, but this wasn’t one of them. Jack and I had amazing kissing chemistry. I’m a responsive lover: I will often match someone’s pace and style, which is likely why I’m told I’m an great kisser. In this case, we were already well matched.

Jack was slow to take things further. This was not a five-minutes-of-kissing-then-shove-a-hand-down-my-pants experience. He took his time to explore.

Continue reading

when online dating brings you a good match

When the others fall away.

[Part 3 of our date is coming, but I wasn’t in the right head space yesterday to write it – Jack and I have had a slight communication hiccup (I’m sure that’s all it is) – and I knew it would affect my accurate depiction of the rest of our night together. So here’s a post I’d scheduled originally for tomorrow.]

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It’s the difference between “sure, this is okay” and “FUCK YES”. I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. I did about Kyle, but his unresponsiveness killed it.  He was a “fuck yes” for me, but I wasn’t for him. (And if you haven’t read the Mark Manson article on it, check it out here). Online dating sometimes serves up a great potential match.

When the intellectual and physical chemistry is truly there, all others fall away. And if they don’t, that person isn’t doing it for you.

I hid my POF profile on Sunday. I told the two men I was having conversations with that I was going offline because I’d met someone I wanted to focus on, but if I came back I would reach out. They both replied they appreciated the message and wished me luck. Continue reading

A dinner date for my history book: Part 2

Part One

We drove to the restaurant, talking about driving styles, swearing with our children in the car, and again it was just easy and seamless. The kind of conversation of people who have known each other forever…or who just “click”.

We parked near the restaurant. I didn’t wait for him to come open my door – it didn’t even occur to me. Unlike Fox, I was not scolded. Fox would get super irritated when I’d dare open my own door. I enjoy a gentleman but his rigidity was unattractive.

As Jack and I walked, I noted his shoulder seemed lower than mine, and I wondered whether I was actually taller than he. It didn’t matter – of course I’d like someone taller but it is not a deal breaker.  Continue reading

Intellectual, emotional, and physical chemistry

A dinner date for my history book.

I’m going to preface this post by saying I know 100% that there is no way to know if something is going to work out, after two dates. I know this right to my core.  I can quickly assess intellectual and physical chemistry, but the emotional / behavioral can kill a relationship.

I’ve sacrificed some intellectual and physical chemistry for the sake of strong emotional chemistry, and ultimately that doesn’t work. I’ve found incredible intellectual and physical, just to later experience an emotional mismatch.

But Jack has the potential for all three. I’m over the moon at the moment and am determined to enjoy it. Continue reading

online dating

Some decent swimmers in the shallow end.

I was the new face on Plenty of Fish which always garners more attention, as does being on the site a lot, which I don’t have the time or inclination for. Welcome to online dating.

I didn’t keep track but I’d say about 15 men reached out to me in the first 10 days. A few had messages or profiles which clearly meant they didn’t read mine. No harm no foul. I don’t bother replying in that case.

There were several that sent nice messages but based on my review of their profile I wasn’t interested. I sent them polite “thanks but no” messages. Nobody called me a bitch in response which was kind of a nice change – yeah, it happens.  Continue reading