Dating different men

Tony & Bruce & Gregory (yep)

Referring to two of the above-mentioned men, a friend commented yesterday that I “have a lot of serious contenders these days”. I snort-laughed and replied I wasn’t so sure.

Tony hasn’t yet moved out – he’s actively looking for an apartment but I am rather cynical when it comes to him, for very good reasons. Last weekend he mentioned he, his soon-to-be-ex (STBX), and their son had plans to go skiing together, and I was immediately reminded of the first winter we dated and that they did it every weekend.

It doesn’t mean they aren’t splitting up and it doesn’t mean they are in limbo. Intellectually I know all it means is they are still co-parenting a young child. Some parents still do stuff together during and after a split – I didn’t, but my close friend Maria did, and still does.

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ex boyfriend relationship


By word count alone, I’ve written the equivalent of two long novels about Tony and me. Probably not a surprise to those of you who suffered through Chapter One and Two. While he may not be a big talker, I seem to never be at a loss for words when it comes to him. It’s romantic tragicomedy at its finest.

A fellow blogger said she let one of her friends read my blog and they didn’t believe it was real life. It’s not the first time I’ve heard this and it makes me wonder what to make of it. Am I that fantastical or unbelievable?

Hy and I talked last night about what’s going on with Tony. While I haven’t been obsessing about things with him, I know it’s important to tread carefully so am giving it some thought. Shocker. Continue reading

optimism and dating disappointment

Don’t let the douchebags get you down: optimism in dating

Expectation management: it’s a thing. Having no or low expectations means they are more likely to be exceeded. Hope is the enemy of expectation management. But what is better? Regular dating disappointment with occasional glimmers of excitement, or never having the pain?

In investing, we talk about risk-reward. High-risk investments are those more likely to provide higher gains. But they could also wipe out your savings. Conversely, advisors will tell you the earlier you can get in the market the better, even with small amounts and low-risk investment vehicles.

Given my experiences this year, I’ve been thinking about the number of dating disasters I’ve had. It occurred to me it could have more to do with the volume of men I’ve met, than consistent bad choices or inherent bad luck. In other words, if I’ve met one hundred men and had twenty crap experiences, it’s not a worse track record than someone who meets ten and has only two to speak of. Continue reading

John, the other poet.

I’m not too sure what to do with John. If I’d been less busy the past 10 days, I could have written many posts about him already. There’s potential – but for what exactly, I haven’t figured out. Writing about it will help crystallize my thoughts.

Based on his profile, I wasn’t expecting much from our first date. We had a 98% match on OK Cupid, which was something. His opening message was solid and he had some very deep questions to ask me (“are you ready for love?”) which were surprising and I presumed demonstrated depth of character. Continue reading

A personal moral compass.

With all the recent judgment here – I don’t deserve Leo, it’s always wrong to lie to save someone’s feelings, how dare I play a game with him while I have lingering feelings for another, etcetera – it got me thinking about my moral compass. I don’t think I’m unique in an ability to justify my behaviors and choices. And in some cases, we believe we would never do “that thing” until we find ourselves in a similar situation.

Having a blog is a great way to keep oneself honest, assuming one is honest in the first place.

My Tony posts from a year ago spoke about my unwillingness to engage physically with him if he’s being intimate with his again-wife. Well, as was obvious from my subsequent actions, my need to say goodbye in my way, and my love for him, trumped any moral challenge with being in what at that point amounted to an affair. Continue reading

my lovers and relationships

How to split up friends when you split up.

At the time my husband Will and I split up, he had two close male friends. One he’d known since they were pre-teens in school and the other, he’d met through work. I liked both of their wives and the six of us had the occasional dinner with or without our children (who were all in the same age range). So what happened after our “good divorce”?

I was the social convener: other than the occasional email the men might exchange, the women were the ones who made sure plans were executed.

Since Will and I had an amicable divorce, it wasn’t particularly stressful for these friends to keep in touch with me. At least, not from my perspective. For the last two years, I’ve seen the women every few months. The “work wife” and I see each other only at these dinners. The “school wife” and I are good friends; she was my travel partner on my recent trip and I see her one-on-one as well.  Continue reading

I know what the right decision is, I’m just not sure how to make it.

Yesterday I wrote about Tony and how I know I can’t pursue a relationship with him when he’s not ready to love me

That’s all good in theory, but for this to work I have to make it practically applicable.

I’ve tried no-contact. I didn’t last very long. A few weeks each time, and then I was back in his arms. He seems quite fine with seeing me once every three weeks, but that is not the kind of relationship I want to have.

Let’s pretend for a moment that Fox wasn’t in my life. What would I do? Continue reading

Selfie Sunday | I bought a bikini.

I’m sure most of the women reading this are saying “yeah, bikini? so?”.

Let me rephrase: I bought my first bikini EVER.

Yes. I haven’t worn a bikini since I was a toddler.

I haven’t talked much about my past weight struggles on this blog. While I was never obese (well, I was according to BMI) my weight always fluctuated. When I was 14 I was 5’10” and 140 pounds…I had that long leggy look I wish I still had (Taylor Swift is that weight, for what it’s worth).

But then puberty did its thing with my hips and my relationships with men dictated whether I was heavier or lighter. I had a tendency to eat like they did and of course it didn’t work for my metabolism. At my heaviest in high school, I was the same weight I am today.  Continue reading

Summer to-do list update | Week 1 Update (June 18)

I’m going to update this weekly to help keep myself on track. Knowing I have to report back is helping me knock this stuff off the list. This is as of Thursday June 18.

Lose at least 10 lbs. My real goal is 18 but at the very least I want to fit into a particular suit and dress, and I know 2 lbs a week every week is not going to happen.

UMMM… | This one is going to be hard. The most difficult out of all of these to-do’s, actually. I did really well during the week last week for breakfasts and lunches, and didn’t have any alcohol. But this week I haven’t had Liam and have been out the last three nights. I’ve mostly made better food choices and not much to drink…so it’s getting there.

But ultimately the path is food and exercise. So with a total gym fail and no bike yet, I can’t really claim any progress. Continue reading

41-and-a-week is NOT old. Right?!

I’m just over 41 years old. I suppose there are worse things.

This past week was…decent. I hit over 43,000 hits on my blog on my birthday. I can’t actually believe that it’s been looked at that many times, so perhaps it’s a large number, but as most things blog-related, I have no clue. It was lovely to get all those birthday wishes…so thank you 🙂

I still haven’t gotten my period which is SUPER annoying. There is nothing like being pre-menstrual for a whole month. Sheesh.

Anyway, I had little time to focus on my generalised funk, because my days usually go as follows: Continue reading