plenty of shit has me depressed

I’m trying to avoid being buried by the bullshit

I know I’ve not written at my usual pace. It’s not that I don’t have posts swirling around in my head. There are far too many words to write.

I am working on the next post about Ian. It’s a doozy. But I needed to step away from that to just dump the other shit I’m dealing with out on a page.

First shit? Will, my ex-husband.

He wanted to move to the other side of the world again. Some of you may remember he moved away a year after he and I split up and was gone for ten months, leaving me as a single parent to an angry little boy. It was during that time I met Tony. Continue reading

More words for Tony. He’s such a lucky guy.

Yesterday I couldn’t keep it in anymore and had to tell him how I felt. You can read about it here if you haven’t already. I had gone to work and between meetings was reading comments and realized there was just so much more brewing in my head.

WAY more.

I had to get it out, so I just started typing. All the things I wanted to say to him but had never dared. The things I needed him to know. And probably most importantly, the things I know have to change for me to continue in this relationship with him. Continue reading

Acting like a teenager, according to one.

The night Fox left for his week-long business trip, I went to his house for dinner and dropped him off at the airport.

That night I spent an hour chatting with a nephew who was temporarily living with him between graduation and a job relocation. It was nice to see Fox in Uncle mode.

Then I met his daughter who is about to turn 17 – she was coming upstairs for a minute to grab a few things prior to a concert. Sixty seconds of teenager; I’d forgotten what it’s like. Fox had bought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday and I offered her one. Then she was gone.

I couldn’t have messed up the minute too badly because she reported back that I “seem nice”. As did his nephew. As have his friends. Continue reading

Feeling the weight of a very good situation.

I’m entering into a bona fide serious relationship with Fox. It feels good and makes me nervous all at the same time.

Why nervous?

With great power comes great responsibility. That’s why.

The good stuff is pretty obvious. I feel adored and accepted and desired. Fox knows the whole me and likes me. For a sexually bold, adventurous, and highly experienced woman who has no intention of slowing down, this is a big fucking deal. Finding a man willing to see the Mom, executive, and insatiable slut? I know he thinks he’s the one that’s hit the jackpot, but ssshhhhh, it’s actually me. Continue reading

I have an answer to one of my unknowns.

As I wrote recently, I currently have three big unknowns in my life, causing considerable stress.  Late Tuesday night, one of the three were resolved.

I was at my friends country place. My phone was connected to the stereo system to listen to music; as such, I didn’t check my email or text messages until I went to bed.

I had a text from Will: “Can you call me?” Continue reading

According to my son, Tony is my boyfriend

At about the same time Will Carrier was commenting on my post that Tony was most certainly my boyfriend, I received an email from my mother with the transcript of the exchange she and my son had this weekend:

My Mom:  Mommy told me that you met her friend Tony.

My son:  He is one of Mommy’s boyfriends.

My Mom:  Mommy told me he is a very very special boyfriend.

My Mom followed this with advice that perhaps I should share with my son at an opportune time that when one has a “special boyfriend” you sleep with only that person – you don’t sleep with all boyfriends.  She reminded me kids learn what they see much more than what they are told.

I got this email in a meeting. It made me giggle because my first thought was “Tony is my boyfriend?!” Followed quickly by thought of having multiple boyfriends, then the philosophy of polyamory.

Tonight I tried to float the idea with my son that Tony was my only “special friend”. He was having none of it, insisting that my boyfriend was Daddy. I countered that Daddy was Colleen’s boyfriend. Nope, not according to my kid. I decided the lesson could wait for another night.

Here's your sugar dose for the day.

I am in full-on purging mode (two more big bags of stuff went away yesterday) and am also dealing with the really old items on my to-do list. The Royal Doulton figurines I got from Will’s aunt that I have no affection for and no reason to keep? The pre-amp I no longer need with my new turntable? Hello eBay!!

Tonight I asked my son who he wanted to share his school photos with (yes, the ones taken in September).

Here’s who was on his list: Continue reading

Exclusive but not serious.

A reader commented that my post about exclusivity with Tony sounded “serious”.

I hadn’t really thought about it that way, but it got me thinking – is this serious? Why did I want exclusivity and is it good for me right now?

First things first. I don’t have a lot of time or emotional energy to spend on multiple men right now. I have written about this before.

I need some space to focus on other things in my life. My son, my friends, and work, namely. Taking all this time to find men to date, then actually date them, is exhausting and distracting from other things that matter more. Mentally and emotionally it’s a good thing for me to be able to focus on one person. Continue reading

A rather lovely weekend. Except the sleep deprivation.

I broke my daily posting routine – again. I think this will be my 365th post, unbelievably.

But I took to heart the advice I got (take time if I need it, essentially) and furthermore, I didn’t have much to say on Sunday that was current. I could have taken a picture of myself but it felt rather empty (with no disrespect to those to do – Selfie Sunday is just not something I feel compelled to do on a regular basis).

I have a post in progress about the crazy Italian. We never met but his text messages were ridiculous. I have another post (inspired by Will Carrier constantly asking me why I was dating online) to demonstrate that while not all men online are looking for sex, there were hardly a whole lot I found worthy of a response for me. Just not a good fit, and all that. But I wasn’t inspired to complete either. Continue reading

Find my happy place. Find my happy place. Find my….

My Weekly Recap?

The short version? Last week sucked ass. Beyond belief. There’s nothing like getting into a sucker punch fight with your boyfriend and getting broken up with via his blog, to make a shit few weeks even better.

Before all hell broke loose, I wrote two fun things: Yet more dating fails (and one lovely opening message) and Things on my bed right now.

Then the big fight, which resulted in The End of Johnny & Ann?!. Thankfully, I’d already written a few posts about my ex-husband Will, which I won’t repeat here because another post is coming that wraps up a bit of the story. They were already scheduled and so kept things alive on the blog.

Continue reading