Leo laid bare.

Apparently some of you aren’t happy even when I skip to the end of my story. So from now on, you’ll get what you get 🙂

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Leo paced back and forth between my living room and kitchen while he spoke. He was clearly uncomfortable. He drank water constantly.

He started with a statement about how he was raised to be the one who was strong and couldn’t be vulnerable. I wasn’t sure where he was going, but it was just the intro. Continue reading

won't be part of his deception

I won’t be an actor in a play filled with lies

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For the first time ever, Tony told me he loved me. Despite some of you thinking it was manipulative, it seemed to me to be said more from surprise and compassion. I’d suspected for a long time he did love me, but it was wonderful to finally hear it.

Even if it was too late, and wouldn’t change a thing.

I punched him in the chest and say “you ass, why didn’t you ever tell me that before?”

He just looked at me blankly and said “I dunno Ann. Because I’m a guy? But I do love you.”

Continue reading

Three quick things

My gut was more right than I thought. Those days away for “work” when he could mysteriously not talk to me? Tony was on vacation with his “ex” wife and child. 

Pretty sure the only reason he confessed was because I called him on his bullshit.

In theory I may see him tonight so he can tell me all this to my face. 

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I’ve not heard from Ian since the Happy Mother’s Day text.

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I went on another first date. Coffee, within 48 hours of first contact. He’s communicative. Very tall – 6’8″. Real job. Confirmed our second date as we said goodbye. Kiss on the cheek. 

Can honestly say if not for the latter I would be even deeper in a spiral of anger.

The date where I planned to say goodbye | Part 2

If you haven’t read [Part One] please do so first… I’ll wait…

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to breathe deeply to calm down. It failed miserably. I thought long and hard about what I was going to say to him. What I wanted to do. I felt angry and betrayed.

The text exchanges were bouncing around in my brain. The curiosity about the escorts. But mostly, the fact that he had a woman over at his place on fucking Valentine’s Day when he said he couldn’t come with me away for that weekend. That was the thing I couldn’t let go of, even if they didn’t see each other after that date, and hadn’t been in contact for 3 months.

I had come back to bed around midnight. I watched the clock reach 1am, then 2am, then 3am. I may have snoozed for a bit after that. I don’t know when it happened, but I realized that even if he’d had sex with her, I had betrayed him equally. Continue reading

The date where I planned to say goodbye | Part 1

There’s a great Diana Krall song called We Just Couldn’t Say Goodbye, and that was me last night.

Oh, Tony. What a fucking crazy night filled with highs and lows.

We had arranged to see each other Friday afternoon and evening. Other than my conversations via phone and text with him last weekend, our only communication was setting up the date and time to see each other.

I fully intended to break up with him. I knew that it was likely we would have sex, but my plan was to have a conversation with him about the fact he’d made no progress in the last three weeks, and tell him I needed more from him than he could give. So I would set him free, as much as it would hurt.

Friday at 4pm he showed up at my door.

Continue reading

I turned down great sex today. What's wrong with me?

I’m working at home today – had the Friday morning school dropoff and a few calls and that was it. I also needed to wash and dry what feels like an endless amount of winter gear.

Jason knows I sometimes work from home on Fridays. Last night he sent me a saucy text message (he’s been in pretty constant contact these days, unlike someone we know) and joked he was just going to come on over and give me a good seeing too.

Wow, was I tempted. Sorely tempted. I haven’t had sex in almost three weeks. Now, I’m not out of my skin with desire, but I could use a good fucking.

Combine that with the thought that my relationship with Tony is surely about to end, and I confess I did consider taking Jason up on his offer. Especially if he just showed up at my door, I thought about what I would do. Continue reading

Why not just cheat like everyone else?

That’s the question of the day. I was supposed to see Tony on Friday but he ended up working until well after midnight. Then it was supposed to be tonight… tonight looked like a good chance, he said.

No word from him all day. I know when he’s working sometimes it’s like that. At 6pm I checked in and he said chances were slim: less than 25%.

FUCK.

As much as I am trying to be all chill about not seeing him, and as much as I know it is good to have some time and space, at times like these I most certainly DO NOT like it at all. Continue reading