Men who work with their hands.

I was fed up with the bullshit of recent events. It got so bad, my personal trainer, hearing a new disaster or story every week, asked me if I played the lottery because my luck was so bad with men it had to be good elsewhere.

So one recent night, bolstered with a bit of liquid courage, I said “fuck this shit”. If I really wanted someone in my life, I needed to seriously get back in the game. I had opened my Bumble profile a few weeks prior and it was lackluster so far – quite literally, nothing to write about.

I already had open profiles on Coffee Meets Bagel and the League, both which took about 5 minutes of effort each day to say whether I liked the one or two men they served up, and yielded absolutely nothing.  Continue reading

I’m recovering. Kinda.

This is going to be short. It’s late at night, I’ve had too much red wine, I’m tired, sad, and my gut hurts.

I had my gallbladder out a week ago. Those of you who follow me on Instagram would know, but I didn’t write about it. I’ve been recovering and just went back into the office today. I experienced a common after-effect of surgery – depression – which thankfully didn’t last but was disconcerting regardless.

The sadness lingers but yesterday I could finally feel it starting to lift. My middle still hurts but each day is an improvement. Bruce has been in touch most days to send me wishes that I’m feeling better. It comforts me he’s been in touch – perhaps he wasn’t lying about it not being me. He’s been consistent in that he’s not calling, not having long conversations. Which is fine. Continue reading

dumb ways to get a woman back

Alan and the cheese.

I like wine and cheese. Along with kissing, they provide some of my life’s greatest pleasure.

I guess I served Alan some great cheese (not uncommon) because he’s used it as the rationale to reach out to me three times since I broke it off. Well, he used other methods as well to try to see me again, the most memorable being a naked mirror selfie of himself with a hard-on, wearing a Trump mask.

Yes, you read that right.  Continue reading

back in the online dating shallow pool

I jumped back into the shallow end.

I think it’s been a year since I’ve been on an online dating site. I don’t count AFF because that was about something else.

But this weekend I decided I needed a distraction from Kyle. I also figured it wouldn’t hurt me to dip my toe in the water and see how it felt. I got tired of it quickly last time – surviving a couple of days on OKCupid and a few weeks on Bumble.

So I unhid my profile on Plenty of Fish. A site I’ve avoided for a while, but it’s where I met Shenanigans (still there!), Fox (not there; still dating the woman he met right after me), and Tony (better not be there!).  Continue reading

A picture of a tall man for texts

Kyle’s 5 day postmortem.

Monday was the date where Kyle said he’d like to see more of me, and agreed he would try to be more responsive to texts. I figured it would be good for me to write about how things go with him, to help keep me honest. Not that I’m not honest… but it’s easier to ignore a reality I don’t like when it’s not staring me in the face.

Hy and I share a quirk which I find interesting – and it’s about how we perceive time. I’ve written about this in relation to Tony and I don’t think I got my point across very well. I’m not sure exactly why this is, but I tend to think more time has passed than it has.  Continue reading

I’m one delayed response away from being a cynical bitch.

I haven’t missed the bullshit of dating.

I briefly reinstalled Bumble after breaking up with Leo after our vacation, less because I was serious about trying to find someone new than simply to see how it felt to put myself back out there.

It was boring. Men who can’t find anything to ask other than “hey what’s up” and “how was your day”, men who swipe right and reply once, just to ignore you afterwards, men who are not interesting at all. Men you like who don’t like you back.

I was somewhat relieved to find wasn’t bouncing right back into it.  Continue reading

When the inevitable happens.

My last two months has been unusual. A broken leg, being in a cast, mostly house-bound is not what I’m used to.

Before Leo came to see me in the hospital, I hadn’t seen him for six weeks. We’d had three dates and then things went quiet as I dealt with the realization I hadn’t fully detached from Tony. I was crazy busy with work.

I needed some emotional and physical space.

Since my injury, while friends have been visiting, my child has been with me every other week, and I’ve been working at home, my life isn’t the same. It occurred to me, perhaps my situation is heightening my feelings for Leo.  Continue reading

I’m conflicted between calm and needing excitement.

The hot: Our last (and second) overnight date saw Leo continue our fisting adventure, this time adding double penetration with his hands and the Hitachi, for long enough at times I almost saw stars.

I could kiss him for hours.

The sweet: Every time he woke up that night, he wrapped me in his arms. He would nuzzle the back of my neck. He gives me bear hugs and tells me how good I feel.

He sends sweet memes.

The work-in-progress: He’s working on his weight loss. A good start, but a long way to go. It’s had an impact on his – ahem – ability to perform. It’s clearly not a deal-breaker for me at this point. Continue reading

It’s hard to break up with a man when he’s being nice to you.

So, Alan.

He had been so insistent about coming to visit me and wanting to take care of me for a couple of days, I didn’t feel comfortable saying no. But I knew things weren’t going to continue as they had.

The prior several weeks I’d realized no men got me emotionally excited, and I started to feel perhaps I would be fine just letting him go.  Continue reading

Alan’s near demise

I’ve finally cured myself of my tendency to over-think everything. While I’ve had plenty male experiences to keep my mind occupied in the last few months, one thing I haven’t done is go down any rabbit holes of what-could-be and what-if.

It’s rather refreshing, frankly.

With Alan, while there were some things that concerned me about our potential compatibility, I decided to just let things play out. And play out, they have. Continue reading